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Carla’s Niche

Carla’s Letter Tapes

CAVEAT: Warning! These letters have not been edited by Carla. Expect errors.

Letter to FM

January 4, 1988

Dear F,

Greetings and love to you and to W whom I have never met, but since she is your wife, she has got to be great too. Please include her in my greetings.

Just when one thinks one has everything organized, one discovers somehow that one is unorganized and I don’t like the way this is sounding. I am going to back and check and make sure I am recording. I was recording. What I am disgruntledly trying to say is, I am scooting around here on the couch and the jingle bells are a charm bracelet I have on. I’ve lost your Christmas card. Now that is impossible because I adore Christmas cards and anything to do with Christmas, and I always hang them up. There are Christmas cards around every doorway that is within my vision to the point where we no longer have any Christmas cards. Everyone we’ve got is up and I’ve been over every one of them twice and Jim has gone over them once and we cannot find your card.

Now when that happens, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything good or anything bad, but it does mean that one should take note, so I hereby am taking note. That is an objectively interesting phenomenon and I always encourage my students (I guess you would call them that although I think of myself part teacher and part student and my student as part student and part teacher.) I am sure you know what I am talking about. I am sure you were a good teacher and learned much more than your students ever did.

Anyway, I am going to have to wing it. I remember being exhilarated by the questions that you were asking because you dare to think, really to think, and this is an activity that I have not found common in the human race. I don’t mean that in any way to put the human race down. We do other things well, but when it comes to abstract, theoretical, philosophical thought or metaphysics, and you can apply this to any field that you wish, one finds the typical human animal fairly short on impeccable logic with thought, and depth, and fairly long on impulse and chance. I find a lot, a lot, a lot, most people don’t even find questions that don’t have an answer, which boggles my mind, but they are here. They are living. They grab a little gusto and they ask, “What are you making all this fuss for?”

I used to just cringe in philosophy class and it always happened while I was in college. I noted there was no philosophy class I ever took that was on an undergraduate level where some guy that had to take the class to get his humanistic hours in wouldn’t hold up his hand. It was almost always a man and say, “What good is this going to do me in life?” And I used to think to myself, If you don’t learn to think now, you are not going to have the same life that you’ll have if you learn to think. That basically for me was what philosophy was all about—was putting your mind into a serious gear and asking yourself questions, which are termed sophomoric like, “Is there a God?”

Now that is a question I remember you asking. The one question I remember you asking. And that is enough for a tape anyway so what I am going to do is throw myself on your mercy and ask you to re-ask all of the questions that you asked me in that great note on your Christmas card.

Unfortunately, you see when all of this arrived, I was flat on my back and that is just the way that goes. As they say, “That is the name of that tune.” It is just part of having arthritis really, but actually I was in a car accident on the 30th of November and reinjured my back up at the neck where it is quite crooked and earlier this year there was a swelling along the spinal column from my neck several inches down into my back and it was serious. I mean I was getting nerve pain from head to toe, etc. And I was down five weeks with that before I could even sit up. And I reinjured it in the accident and then just when I thought that I was finally pulling out of the reinjury, Christmas came and by the time I finished sitting up at the Christmas Eve service forever, you know practice before and then the long, long service and then sat up opening presents with a large family.

I mean I’ve got two brothers and I have a husband and one of them has a wife and mom and dad and everybody got a stocking and everybody got a mountain of gifts, we are a real potlatch type family. If mother buys two pairs of socks for one of us, she will wrap them in two boxes just to give us more to open. That kind of thing so it was a grand Christmas, it was a marvelous Christmas. It may be my father’s last Christmas and it was a very great blessing, but it wiped me out again. So I have been down again.

So this last week since the 30th when we had our Christmas because neither brother could get here until after Christmas day, I resolved to stay down until Sunday and then I would go to church, but not practice and that meant that I would only be gone about two hours, and then I’ll be sitting up Sunday night and then I’ll be sitting up Monday night, and so that is my first goal. That will give me a little bit over a week of relaxation and lying back because I am doing that while talking to you.

Any other things that you might want to know before I start in on God? L/L Research is doing fine. I seem to remember that you wanted to start doing more work on your book and asked if you sent a plot, would I flush out the characters? The answer is, of course, Frank, you know that. I love you dearly and we work well together. I remember—it is my impression that we work well together because you so seldom disagree with me. Which can be politeness. You could be burning with frustration on your end, and I wouldn’t know as far as I was concerned. We always worked real well together when I was doing the copy editing and making various suggestions as to regularizing the look of things and what is now ISUS. It used to be reciprocity. I will reserve talking about that until another tape because it is not central to my interests. God is.

And so I have done a lot of thinking about, “Is there a God?” Needless to say I have dedicated my life to God so it almost begs the question. My life, I think, as I live it is my testimony that there certainly is a God and that He is a God of Love, and I use the phrase He quite intentionally. The English language does not inflect. If there were a suitable neutral word, I would use it, but I don’t like it and I don’t like any kind of a plural, so I am stuck with either He or She. Now S/He is fine, but I think it sounds funny. In our English language traditionally, the correct grammar has been to use him and his and he when a person would mean one, a human, a being. It doesn’t have anything to do with sex when it is used in the theoretical mode.

If he wants to do so and so, then he must do so and so. You could write that in a book and it wouldn’t be about somebody. It would be about how to do something, but you would use the phrase he and it is in that sense that I use He to approach some understanding of the infinite mystery that is the Creator.

Let me go back to my beginnings and try in as concise a way as possible to explain what I think. C. S. Lewis, probably is the best Christian apologist that I have ever run across, starts out talking about God, not Jesus or any particular kind of God, but he starts out by talking about how all of us seem to have inborn consciences. He finds that moral impulse to be quite normal, abnormal if not there, to the point of its being called psychopathic, and indicative of there, indeed, being not only a Creator, but a Creator, which intended to be self-conscious, self-aware and self-choosing. But before I talk about any particular brand of god, let’s talk about generic god. I would recommend that you read “Mere Christianity” because I think it is probably the best single attempt to talk about God that I have ever read, and it is an easy book to read. I think you might enjoy it. C.S. Lewis is a very enjoyable writer. “Mere Christianity” is the name of it.

My relationship with God is the focus of my life and has been ever since I was born. I am unusual person and I was even more unusual as a child because I was the same sort of person that I am now. Very mystical, aware of God in everything. I felt that everything around me was holy. I felt that everything around me was alive. I was just born a mystic. It is as simple as that. I was also born with strong feelings of love for Jesus the Christ and my personal journey has been along those lines simply because they are my personality and it has worked for me.

But I think it was Einstein who said, “Science without religion is no good and religion without science is no good.” I can’t remember the precise words that he used, but I think he was trying to indicate that there needed to be a cross- pollination between the two or both were sterile, lifeless things that were not complete. And I think the scientists especially, a physicist like yourself, will be infinitely more aware that there is a God than someone who really isn’t paying attention because you know just how tricky all of those balances that have been achieved are. You know just how many things are inexplicable and point directly to a mystery behind that creation, whatever it may be. Whether it is this subatomic particle, or the red shift, or all of the questions that physics asks about action at a distance, etc. You know that everything in science is founded on mysterious unknown things like the speed of light. Why is the speed of light used in so many equations? Why is that the constant? Why did electricity work? What exactly is going on?

Tell me about the photon. I mean, really tell me about the photon. Is it a particle? Is it a wave? Does it leap tall buildings at a single bound? I mean, Don again and again impressed upon me that as a physicist, he could tell me straight out that our entire structure that we perceive as being our creation around us is an illusion made of incredibly quickly twirling energy fields; that actually no one had been able to find mass in an electron for instance. That it was possible that in the end there was not any mass, but only pure energy.

So I just look at the universe and then I look at my wrist watch. It has got a little quartz thing in it that makes it tick. Right? I don’t think quartz things tick, but at any rate it somehow is telling me the right time. It is rather cunningly made. I don’t know exactly how it works on the inside, but likely there is a series of springs etc. that all are run by this quartz crystal and the face. My goodness, that is glass there. That had to be made and then I’ve got some sort stainless steel or something that somebody had to write Timex on it, and then there is this nice thick, leather or alligator, just sort of a general stamping, and then all of the little screws that go in.

You know, I think that had to be made, F. I mean, this watch had to be made and then when I look from this watch back to the sky and the earth and I think about the galaxies balanced in their spinning, and the sun that shines so that we keep our bodies at 98.6, we who are so frail. And then so little leeway in the things that we must demand in order to survive, there is no question in my mind that this is much more intricate than the wildest clock ever imagined, and points towards a Creator with a hand as sure and steady as the rock of Gibraltar and as large.

There is no way that anyone could logically prove that there is or is not a God. However, I appeal to the simple common sense of anyone who will stop and think about it and realize that this did not happen by chance. Chance never works out this well. Put a hundred monkeys in a room and let them type forever. I don’t care. They are not going to come up with Shakespeare. And I don’t care about the primordial ooze bit, and the lightening and the random happenings. To me, all of that is fine, but who set it up that way so that it could happen? Who intended for this to happen? Because believe me, I see in nature and in all of the things around me a God that is just as quick to take as to give in that way. I mean nature, rather than tooth and claw, and so I think we are living proof that there is a God.

Now as to what sort of God, I go back, I guess to very very early in my life. I was a prodigy. I was one of those kids that they tested. My mother wanted to start me in third grade because I could read. I was reading “Little Women” when everybody else was reading, “See Spot run.” And I took a big battery of tests and they couldn’t test me at my own age group. I went off the scale at 200 so nobody knew exactly how intelligent I am. They kept on testing me and I did get on the scale, I believe the college or post-college women test. I don’t know which one it was, at 185, so I am somewhere over 200 in IQ, and it just meant that I did not spend a lot of time as a child being a child. I spent a lot of time as a child reading, thinking, philosophizing, imagining. Needless to say, I was not an extraordinarily popular child, but in my own way I had a good time.

I was trying to imagine infinity. I had become aware of the word. I must have been maybe three or four and I was trying to imagine it, and I would go, and go, and go in my mind so far out in space, and this was infinity. Then I would see an ending, and then I would go past the ending because it was infinity, but there was always another ending, and then you had to go past that too, etc. And my mind became aware that it could not think about infinity.

Much later in life, I put two and two together and figured out that things that end in paradox, or mystery, or things that you cannot talk about sensibly, are usually things having to do with deeper questions, the more spiritual questions, because spiritual reality is built on a series of paradoxes, which is the illusion in which we live, an illusion of opposites and separation.

My first definition of God would be Intelligent Infinity. I am not saying Infinite Intelligence, which would suppose a kind of being. But rather Intelligent Infinity, which supposes absolutely nothing at all that anyone can imagine. I get this phrase from channeling that I did with Ra as a contact, the first book of which is called “the Ra Material” and then other three books are called “The Law of One.” The first book should have been called the Law of One, Book One, but our publisher, which we never used again, insisted on changing it.

Intelligent infinity has a lot in common with the unmoved mover and the uncreated creator, etc., the difference being that I choose to use words which do not suppose anything about God and I think that is probably the essence of God in its primal state and that is that it is infinite. Yet, it is within each of us as if we were a hologram or holograph, depending on whether you are word-oriented or picture-oriented of the Creator. My feeling further is that Intelligent Infinity decided to become more aware of itself and learn more about itself so it potentiated a certain amount of probably, a fairly infinitesimal amount of free will and God-self or Intelligent Infinity in one unit of consciousness, which turns out to be a person.

So that the first thing that the Creator did was to decide that He wanted some experience and He created these bits of His consciousness, which could then experience these various illusions that we will be going through and have gone through so that each of us can move from the alpha around the circle of beings, the cosmos, back to omega, the source, and in that journey of completion we are able to experience all of the good and all of the bad that we may find. We are able to use the catalyst of our experience either in a way we would choose, in a way that conventional wisdom would choose, in a way that is for or against our best interests, in a way that is spiritually aware of consequences or not, in an ethical or unethical way, etc.

All of these ways, the so-called good and the so-called bad, produce experience for the Creator. So basically the interest started from God to His creation, not from creation back to an indifferent God who just started in motion. I think God had something very definite in mind. An octave creation in which He would learn more about Himself.

Now free will is a tricky thing. You have to put the free will in there to have self-conscious people capable of making a serious choice. You also have to be aware that they will make many wrong choices. This is, in some ways, quite ruthless because were we able to remember all that we truly knew, we would be able to have thought communication, we would be able to sense when we were fit for company with another, and when we weren’t. This would be especially helpful in making relationships. We would sense when the right time for us came to do this or that. We could sense what our goals and our destiny have been lined up by us before incarnation and would move towards that in harmony. Instead we do not sense any of these things. We have a veil of forgetting that comes down over us during incarnation.

The reason for this, I think, the reason for all of the forgetting of who we are, where we came from, what our birthright is, and where we are going—all of these things about our relationship with God that we have the answers to in our subconscious, are hidden from us in this illusion for one simple reason: We would not learn anything for the Creator as a gift to the Creator, as part of being the Creator. We would not learn anything if we already remember everything. This illusion, and I believe each illusion following it, and each illusion following it, will be a more light-filled kind, but will certainly still be an illusion, is kind of, I see it as boot camp.

The way I feel about it is, and this is only my opinion, that the Creator loved us first, needs us very much, to tell Him about Himself because we are Himself experiencing Him in each other. We’ve got two rules from Jesus. Love your God with all your heart, with your entire mind, with all your soul and with all your strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. Upon these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets. It is part of our Eucharist service and I say it every week, or I hear it every week so I am familiar with the quotation. I honestly believe that those two rules will do you because what we are here for in this illusion is to decide, in spite of every evidence to the contrary, that the Creator is a being of Love, who loved us first and whom we love in return; and that this being hopes that we will be radiant channels of His Love and His Light so that we may help other people, each of us in our own way.

We all have to feel our way to that service. For some people it is an undramatic service and that bothers me very much that some people feel that they are not being of enough service. Especially I would like to stand up on a soap box and defend homemakers, women who have given up all in life that would keep them from the nurturing of their families. It isn’t a sacrifice in any other sense than any other career decision is a sacrifice. It is simply a career that has very long hours with very, very low pay, usually none beyond a trinket now and then or something. Some wives perhaps do get an actual household allowance or something, but it is not something that you can make forty grand a year at and a lot of other things that women do who can bring that kind of money in, so it is sacrificial these days in the sense that a man and a woman who want the woman to stay home will have to accept a lower standard of living. It, however, is, in my mind, the finest, the most beautiful work of service that a man or a woman can do is being home, making a home, being a safe place and making a safe place.

And I say being a home and being a safe place because it is to you that the children come when they are hurt, and it is you that dispenses your okay and a band aid and a kiss and it is not to the house that a guy comes after a long day and goes, “Oh, I’m glad I am home.” It is to the smell of supper in the kitchen, the smile of the maid across the table, the chatter of the children, all those lovely things.

I never did get to have any children. Don was a monk. Nothing wrong with him. He had made that decision on spiritual grounds completely, but it didn’t change the reality so there weren’t any children between us and I lost the only child I conceived in my first marriage. I just spontaneously lost it and so perhaps I could never have had any anyway. And at this point, my correspondence is such that I am beginning to believe I may have children all over the world, as you can see from the length of time it has taken me to get to your letter. I have the envelope you see. I know you wrote me, but the card is gone.

Back to God. So what we are here to do is to move ourselves off of a neutral position. If you will look around you in life, everything is thesis/antithesis, hot/cold, opposites of one kind or another, polarities of one kind or another. Don used to love to use the illustration of a car battery when he was talking about polarization and consciousness. He, as I, believed that what we were here to do was to accelerate the rate of growth of our consciousness as much as possible within this earthly life. It made a lot more decisive change in our soul personalities to make these decisions while being kept from the whole truth about our situation and so, when we can express ourselves as children of the Creator in a loving way more and more, it is like building up a charge on one side. A charge that is then able to spark the engine and move the car, and you can do that in consciousness in two ways. The positive way and the negative way.

The positive way or the path of service to others is the one that is chosen by people of the usual religious denominations, Christians, Buddhists, Taoist, etc. And that is the way of unity basically. Seeing the Creator in everyone and everything as being in the Creator as if the Creator was an animal that went on forever and that we were completely part of each other and part of a very, very local creation. Basically subjectively in many ways, I think it comes down to the fact that the creation, the Creator and eternity are within us, rather than outside of us, no matter what our telescopes may say. The more important of the two realities is the reality within, the world that is normally completely unplumbed. But I wander here.

Let’s get back to the polarizing. Basically we come into this life and our parents try to teach us right from wrong and we have somewhat of a conscience ourselves that prods us in the same sort of direction to share, not to rat on a friend. You know, you learn the conventional wisdom. You learn what is right and what is wrong, according to your society, and if you are anything like me, early on you begin making choices that are different from others within your culture because one thing or another, you simply find yourself in disagreement.

But it doesn’t matter whether you add conventionally or unconventionally, the thing that matters is whether you are sincerely and wholeheartedly attempting to be of service to others in what you do. And if you are trying to do that, then you are working on your consciousness, which is what I think we came here to do. And every time you make a decision that causes you, the little human you, to die a bit so that a more compassionate, a more impersonal, more of the God-self you can come forth, you have polarized towards service to others and you become a more powerful metaphysical being by making this choice. Every choice you make after that empowers and empowers—Ra said the first choice is the cornerstone; the second makes you twice as strong; but the third makes you four times as strong. The fourth makes you eight times as strong. The fifth makes you sixteen times as strong, etc. so that after you have been working consciously to be of service to others in the things that you do and say over a period of years, if you haven’t spent an equal amount of time being negative, you have really begun to hasten the pace of your growth in consciousness.

What that means, of course, is that you will undoubtedly be very uncomfortable from time-to-time because change is very uncomfortable, and in order for one’s biocomputer or mind to alter its programming, or to change the mind, one must go in and tinker, dump programs, make new programs and this is painful to the self. And I think that this is what St. Paul’s “die-daily” intended to convey. Not that one should go through any self-bruising, masochistic charade, but that one simply is faced with choices day after day for a lifetime, which involve putting someone else before yourself.

And if we can do that every time we are offered that choice, I think we are making maximum Godly use of our incarnational experience, and it is precious. I really do think it is precious right now. I pretty much go along with geologists, the weather people; you know all of these different people who say something is afoot. There is going to be a disaster this way or that way. I don’t know whether it is going to be earthquake. You know, we are the “earthquake generation”, that book, or whether it is going to be a conventional war of some kind. I doubt anybody wants a nuclear war, but I can see us being sucked into any kind of conventional or guerilla war and given the wrong men in office at the wrong time.

You know Hamacher has written fascinatingly about the coming of the ice age and the destruction of the trees and then who was it that I read was writing about the greenhouse effect, which certainly does seem to be occurring actually. We are getting not necessarily wetter weather, but certainly warmer than normal and a friend of mine in Alaska reports the same thing. That is all very interesting and Jesus, of course, was the first of the New Age type folks. He had apocalypse on his mind constantly and was the first to make a prediction that did not come true. He said, “Some of you will still be alive when I come again,” you know and the New Age begins. Well people are still making predictions about when the New Age begins and it is my basic thought that the New Age is possibly only an event that occurred in an outer sense in manifestation when a planet rolls in or a whole solar system such as our own rolls into a new area of space, which ours has done.

But so many of the world religions do talk about the ending of one age, the beginning of another. Some are more doom-filled than others. I personally believe that this will all probably come to pass on earth; that there will undoubtedly be what Ra called inconveniences. I don’t know when. I think it may go on a lot longer than people think, but I am not sure that there will be people in third density illusion living here in say one hundred years. That people who are living here then will have somewhat different molecular structures and be vibrating in fourth density with a more of a density of light in a per unit area. I think that is what changes when the density changes. That there is more light. I don’t know if that is metaphysical light or photon light, but more light anyway. More of what would be called prana by the Hindus.

So yes, I think there is definitely a God. I do not have any doubts as to that and I believe that we are in relationship to God because of an incredibly strong pull He has to us. He is fascinated by us. He can only learn as we learn and He really loves us a lot. And I think that is all sort of in everybody’s heart, that that is the situation because when I say it to people, I can see that it is going down and their body is going, “Yeah, that sounds right. I have a body memory of this.” It doesn’t really compute on any level higher than subconscious. It is my fixed belief that one cannot be intellectual to any degree about God because we are talking about a completely moot entity. There is no way to prove nor disprove God.

I have had a lot of experience by now that are subjectively convincing to me. I have had many visions, being mystic, you know, it is easier, but many, many experiences. I suppose the ones that have happened to me the most lately are simply experiences where I see light everywhere around people, like a halo or something. As they are coming up to communion or something, I will look up and everybody is bathed in light, and just golden. It is an altered state of consciousness that the service has put me into, is what it is. But it is an experience that is joyful and wonderful and they are those experiences that I stand on. I don’t think we have anything else except our own personal experience.

We cannot believe because someone else has a creed for us to say. And we certainly cannot intellectually tear apart the creed to find the goodness of its structure because everything in the creed is unprovable and we cannot say any of that for sure. Luckily I go to a Christian church that has the enormous civilization to allow its members to doubt absolutely anything they want to. All you have to do to be an Episcopalian is hope that one day you may understand and be willing to work at it on a weekly basis. You know, you can join this particular church and come any time you want to. Now not all Episcopal churches are the same, obviously, because they don’t all have the same Vickers but it is by doctrine, the most civilized church I have ever run into that still insists that Jesus was the only son of God, the only way to get to heaven, and that sort of thing. I am a Christian, but I do not insist that that is so. I believe that it is certainly a path that people ought to consider because it is the path that this whole society runs on, along with its Judaic past, and the Jewish religion that is still going on.

But the Jewish, there are a lot of people in the Jewish religion these days who believe that Jesus was the Messiah and this is no longer considered an absolute heresy and so I think gradually the churches will move closer together. Gradually perhaps all of the people of God can be the people of God again. We shall see.

But I also believe that one can form a strong relationship with the Creator in personal solitude if it is done on a daily basis. As a matter of fact, I don’t think the church is enough. I question the wisdom of churches that meet only once a week. Even though I am aware that probably most people don’t want to go more than once a week. I think that a church ought to at least open its doors for let’s say for a short service so that people can go to church on their way to work or something like that.

In the absence of anything like that in any church that I have heard of around here, which Jim and I have devised a morning offering and meditation at the end of which I just do a little bit of channeling to keep up the practice in-between weekly meditation meetings and actually twice weekly meditation meetings. In one I am teaching channeling and in the other I am just channeling.

But it does not have to be the same practice that Jim and I have. It doesn’t have to be any certain practice. As a matter of fact, it really needs to be created by the person. Jim and I read out of the Bible. We read out of the Ra material and we read out of one other book. That is planned. And then we talk about what we have read and we go into meditation and a lot of people would call that silent prayer, but we really need silent meditation. We don’t say anything to God. We are just listening, which, I think, is the hardest thing in the world to teach people to do, is to listen to anybody incarnate or discarnate.

I do further believe that God talks to us every day. I believe we have that kind of family relationship with the deity. There is just as much God in us as there is free will. The point of making these choices is to move from the point where free will dominates us and runs rough shod over the God-self or the Love-self within, which would be compassionate at all times and this causes many negative emotions, many negative reactions to be thrown up, in and out of season, and to our lasting loss, sometimes. The whole idea is to so-govern self that one pretty much annihilates one’s own free will in order that one may discover true freedom, which I think is right-service. I think a life lived in the knowledge that your purpose is to be of service to the Creator and to the Creators about you, masquerading as living beings, it gives a clarity to your sight to what is happening around you that enables you to make a more balanced judgment a lot of times. You really are delivered when you finally give up your will, your willfulness, into a very wonderful place if you have surrendered to the Love within you. That Love does guide.

The Church calls it the Holy Spirit. I have heard it called everything from guidance, to inner guides, to masters of the inner plane, and anything else that you want to name. I really don’t mind what vocabulary people use to talk about these things, but I believe that the Creator speaks to us every single day and that there are services prepared for us during our life as a whole and then specifically at different points in our lives. Times when there is an opportunity, all of a sudden, that you can be of service in this way that you had never thought of it before. You know it is really important to be open to those times because this is not an error.

This is not a mistake. This is the natural outworking of things and everything that comes before your face, I think part of living a life in faith, living a life of service to others is to have a quiet confidence that no matter what is put before your face, it is from God. It is for your good. If it something happy, it is a wonderful gift, and praise and thanksgiving are in order. If it something definitely difficult, which has certainly happened to me, very well then it is time to wail and moan a little bit, but after you have done that, get yourself back together and realize the fruits that come from suffering. The compassion that is gained by the choice not to become bitter. The strength that is gained by the choice not to let this kill you, not to let this get you completely down.

I really do think that as we get older and as we make choice after choice, sacrificial in some way to ourselves to be of service to others, we become more compassionate, we become calmer, we become more joyful. We become capable of transcendence that we would never be capable of nor have, had we not suffered equally, deeply. And in all of these ways, you see, we begin to radiate as a channel of the Love part of our being because I think another word for the Creator is Love. I think what we think of as love is just a mimsy-faced substitute born of our own biases and sexual feelings. Love is a wimpy sort of infatuation kind of a thing to most people, and that is not it at all. Love creates and Love destroys. Love is everything. It is the power on both sides. In fact, in Ra’s theology, after this density of choice, the third density, positively-oriented entities, those in service to others, learn along that path for a couple of different densities, fourth and fifth and half-way into the sixth. Meanwhile negative entities go to a negative fourth, fifth density planet and sixth, but somewhere in the sixth density, which is the density of unity, the fourth density being the density of Love or understanding or compassion, the fifth density being the density of wisdom, and the sixth density is the one of unity, where one learns to balance wisdom with compassion.

At the point in the sixth density, according to Ra, when this lesson is tackled seriously, a negatively-oriented person realizes that he has been seeing people other than himself as other than himself, when in reality, that is the illusion. Ra calls the negative path or the path of service to self, the path of that which is not, because it is based upon a false assumption that beings are truly separate from each other. Therefore you need to be numero uno and have control over other people and make them do what you want and have your life under control. That is service to self. And basically is based on a lot of fear and other negative emotions.

In sixth density, that person who has been negative, realizes that he has to think of all other selves as the same as himself. He sees that in order to blend wisdom with compassion that he must do that now. And he can’t do it as a negative entity. That he has enough power and polarity that he may simply switch polarities and that is what he does. He gives up being a negative sixth density person and becomes a positive sixth density person. Now likely (nobody asked Ra this) likely he has to spend more time maybe than other sixth density beings in learning some back lessons, but my guess is not too much because by sixth density, negative or positive, you have learned all of the same lessons. You may have just learned them backwards as a negative entity.

But I think converts are always the most close to fanatical, you might say, and sixth density positive who used to be negative would probably be more positive than the positive because they would finally have come home and are in the position of being the prodigal sons and daughters. And it is a wonderful thing finally to come home when you have spent millions and millions of years as a progressing soul on the wrong track, basically because it ends and the other one isn’t ending so you kind of wish that you had been on that one all of the time.

And I think the Creator gives us a lot of indicators that that is the way He wants us to go. We have our own impulses within us. The impulse to maul probity. Perhaps it is not a real strong impulse in some people, but usually some people do feel that they have a conscience and that that conscience does speak on certain things.

What other ramifications would you be asking me about right now? I pretty much gave you my idea of what happens from creation to the end of creation. I guess the only thing that I haven’t said is that I think that after we go through this octave of creation, that is the first density being earth, air, wind and fire. The second density being plants and growing things that turn to the sun. The third density being self-conscious individuals making the choice to serve others or to serve self. The fourth density being the density of love, compassion, understanding. The fifth being wisdom. The sixth being unity. The seventh being the density of turning; where one turns toward the omega and moves into timelessness just as first density is spent partially in a timeless state, so the end of seventh density is also back in the timeless state. I honestly think that the black holes are a spiritual phenomenon, at least on one level. That is, Ra talked about spiritual gravity and said that when each being in the creation is once more aware of the one great original thought, which is Love, which Ra calls the Logos, one attains enough spiritual gravity to move back into unity with the Creator. Those black holes then seem logically to me to be pads through what Don used to call the 90 degree phase shift or the L-shaped shift, moving through a point perpendicular from everything back to God, into Infinity, in other words.

I cannot conceive a direction that is perpendicular to everything, but then, of course, I can’t imagine the basic Larsonian everything [out-spanding] in all directions, always, at the speed of light. That is not something that the mind imagines literally. One simply must take it conceptually and work with it. I wish to heaven that I had had a father who, as a father, was as proud of his training as my mother was of hers because he never encouraged me to do any science work and Don thought I would probably be a pretty good theoretical physicist. He thought I had kind of knack for it and I must say that various tests I took along the way indicated that I had at least as much ability in one as the other. Like I think my scores going in to college were 790 and 770 or something—no obvious difference in the amount of ability that I had. At least in answering the questions on the test. In real life, of course, that is quite a different thing.

But spiritual gravity, I think, eventually claims us in the seventh density and we move into what is called the octave density, which is the eighth density, which is the same as the first density. Or will become the first density when it comes out of timelessness. You see it is timeless and I think at that point, all of creation has become one black hole and it’s gone back into Intelligent Infinity, but with the knowledge that was gained from that creation. Then the Creator may go to the Bahamas for a while, or whatever a creator does at the end of that timeless time, and decides that He wants to learn some more so he plans another creation. And He plans it all the way through. Every potential experience that can happen; each density and what the lessons will be. You know, has it all set up.

We have incredible things in our minds, in the deeper parts of our minds, that Jung called the “archetypal images.” Ra’s whole last book is questions and answers concerning the archetypical mind and actually, you might enjoy reading the Ra material, Vol. I, II, III and IV since you are retired now and have more time. It is not written in particularly effortless English. Obviously Ra is along the same lines of science as the most careful scientists and enormously careful with the English language to the point of really stretching it and bending it sometimes to get just the nuances he wanted. He would use several words as a cluster to indicate one word. Like he called people: mind/body/spirit complexes. That is a person. It is an interesting body of work. It is probably the best work that Don and I ever did together.

I recommend it to you and my cosmology or theology goes right along pretty much with Ra. Not in the sense of this phenomenon or that occurred or didn’t occur at the time that Ra said. Anything about dates and names and places I shy away from because I think that in a very important way, we live in a completely subjective universe, a universe that probably does not exist outside of our heads, as reality only in our heads, and includes all of eternity within the present moment.

I think that the time that we spend harking back in memory or looking ahead are times well spent only if they are examinations of one or the other in order to bring something back to the present moment. If we spend time wishing we were in the past, or in the future, or something like that and not paying attention to the present moment, we have just lost eternity. I think that when we realize the stupendous aliveness of the creation, that the Creator is immanent in everything, every person, every object, we become aware of the universe that we actually live in; our whole sense of ourself changes and we begin to deal with people with a kind of respect that involves our realizing that they too are the Creator.

This last may be simply too much for you. That is, that I think that the subjective universe, the universe inside our heads is realer than the so-called real world or the illusion. However, I think it is our consciousnesses that will go on and the illusion that will change. I take it pretty seriously. I am trying to live a really beautiful life. A life focused as much as possible on the Creator and service to others. I fail all the time, but so does everybody else. So it doesn’t worry me very much. It used to crush me much more to see myself failing to come up to my own expectations again, and again, and again. It is a frustrating sad thing, but not so bad.

Everyone is like that and I think in some ways, the measure of how well we are progressing is the measure of how often we feel uncomfortable because if we feel uncomfortable, it is likely that we are changing, and if we are changing, then we are working on ourselves to change. And hopefully we are working appropriately so that the move that we make is in the direction that we find appropriate. And that is, of course, increasing compassion, and peace, and unity on planet earth and in the universe. I honestly think that many of us have a wonderful future together in a new experience, learning new lessons and many others of us will simply be repeating this density for another cycle. And that differentiation will happen as people die in this generation and the next.

Like I said, I don’t know that any great trauma will occur on the earth plane. I know there is a lot of prayer attempting to ameliorate the situation within the earth. People visualizing the various tectonic plates inching along each other instead of moving very quickly so that all of the earthquakes are small enough not to hurt people. Of course, we didn’t do too well in Armenia, but one keeps trying and hoping that we won’t have to see oceanfront property spring up in Nevada or Nebraska or St. Louis or whatever dire prediction one hears.

But see, whether that happens or not, we will die. We are all living a life sentence here and we are going to get the axe at the end. There is no question about it. This little body is going to go away and at that point, I think we are going to turn and look back on our lives. Jesus said, “I will come to judge.” And God said, “I will judge you.” Well I have this really nasty feeling that the part of God that judges you is yourself. Have you ever known a critic that is as hard on you as yourself? So I am really motivated in this life to get to the point where I am no longer criticizing myself. I am most eager for that to happen and I really do try much harder realizing that if I am not self-forgiven, then it doesn’t matter who else forgives me or redeems me. I will hold myself back for all eternity unless I forgive myself for being a bozo and just like everybody else, making mistakes.

Some of my mistakes have been nauseating and drastically wrong moves. This is not unusual. You would have to come to the point where you can take that kind of thing on the chin and move ahead and just keep pulling for your best effort and realize that once you have done your best, that is it. That is all you can do and then you need to rest quietly on that.

It has been really pleasant chatting with you. Jim is making all kinds of dinner sounds and I think it would be wise of me to finish up for now. This is merely been a beginning, as far as I am concerned. You had other questions that I know I haven’t touched. I am extremely flattered that you chose to ask me such questions. I realize that it is difficult to get anybody to talk about these things seriously. Yet, to me they are the vital questions. They are the ones that will not leave me alone. I see through everything else except the family, the virtue, the value of the family, the value of worship and the value of Love. Those are the things that I see having eternal value.

So in service, in Love, in the New Year, I wish you every blessing and guarantee you that although I am slow, when I get to your pile, I do things fairly. I do them chronologically and when I get to your envelope in the basket next, I will be working on whatever you are working on. So God bless, and I will be talking to you later.

Much love,


  Skip Navigation LinksL/L Research Carla’s Niche Letter Tapes January 4, 1988

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