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Carla’s Niche

Carla’s Letter Tapes

CAVEAT: Warning! These letters have not been edited by Carla. Expect errors.

Letter to R and K

October 2, 1989

Dear R and K,

It is about 6:30 a.m., which, I am disgruntled to say, it’s completely dark outside. Every time I see one leaf of fall, I immediately begin thinking of spring. I hope that you meant that this was no rush because I do consider what you are doing to be so. Nobody else is up so I don’t want to wake anybody.

I did have some things to say about this channeling, but I think in general, the channeling is going well for you. I am glad you are getting a third person and I strongly suggest that you do not attempt to channel vocally without a third person. With a second person, you still may receive a comfort of a contact by simply allowing the contact to touch in, challenging it. If it passes the challenge, say hello to it and then just ask it to join in your meditation. That way no information is shared and there is no way to enter the body that has been tuned in and protected, etc.

You are not supposed to have a lengthy conversation with this guy either. You are just supposed to say hello. That is it when there are just the two of you. And then have a silent time. Silence is under-estimated in the development of channels because vocal channeling in service-to-others is not a particular aid to the self. It is a craft, a gift and to some extent, a craft. To a large extent, I think the one percent inspiration and the ninety-nine percent perspiration is a little bit on the jaundiced side, but I would say that it is at least ninety percent simple persistence and practice.

You know the old joke about how you get to Carnegie Hall is by practice, practice, practice. You are practicing and as a matter of fact, I think you probably are practicing too often in that it is an intensive experience when you do it every day. I channel for maybe two minutes or so maybe every other day to keep in practice, to keep realizing that the flow of this information is so spontaneous there is no need ever to think about what is going to be said; that it will come into the mind and no matter what it is, you just spit it out. When you do this day after day after day, it may become wearisome. It may become an exercise in service-to-others rather than simple service-to-others.

Your development as channels is service-to-others oriented, but you have to have the heavenly feelings inside you. The feelings of praise, thanksgiving, worship, adoration, that great self-awareness. You need to feed yourself in whatever way would feed that part of you, which worships the one Infinite Creator. Not as one separate from you, but as your true core self, which you will not ever discover in any undistorted way in this illusion, or the one following, or the one following. Indeed, not until the end of creation. We worship a mystery so before, and behind and underneath all service-to-others lies the loving channel. The channel that loves, worships, is fed by its own perceptions of that highest conscious, which is Intelligent Infinity—as some say, a higher power.

It is quite obvious that some higher power than us made us. We don’t know how to do it. It is well to discover a good way to worship this higher power within yourself and in all others.

The reasons that you are attempting to be of service is there is that love and that core of Creator-self in all people, and all this practicing you are doing is for the benefit of your art, not for service-to-others so much at the beginning.

I do encourage you to spend part of the time in silent meditation. I can’t dictate the schedule for you, but I will simply say to you that I would not put people through this without having an experience to channel there not on a daily basis. Your magical self, your Christ self, is being born. You are beginning to realize the possibilities and just like Jesus in the manger, you are helpless; you are little; you are vulnerable; and you are dependent on the parent of yourself.

Yourself needs to respect and recognize this tiny spirit within as universal and unconditional love, and be protective of itself. Don’t share this with others unless it is specifically asked. Keep this to yourself. You are young seedlings now and you need to protect your own growth. It is not of service to the self. This is simply to have the self be the best channel possible when the time comes to speak to a larger circle or even within the circle of three.

Another view is certainly possible and I am not saying that I am absolutely right. I am simply saying that it is in my observation that if you channel at length every single night, it will be intense and this is not necessarily good for the young one. The young one may need to be brought along—”fed the bread of heaven” as I call it in silent meditation, on simply being with the Infinite One, moving into the inner room, closing the door and then opening the inner sanctum to invite the presence of Christ consciousness or Christ, whichever way helps you to think. Then simply dwelling with that presence; tabernacling in the temple of your inner room with the most High.

All of the protection in the world, all the dedication in the world, without a spontaneous and gladly given love is as Paul says, “a noisy gong and a clanging symbol.” Nothing.

Do not let this service in any way become a duty. Let this service remain service-to-others in light, and if you are tired and feel that you don’t wish to channel every evening, I am not at all surprised. I would suggest stepping back the pace so that you have more time to learn how to be as you learn the craft of vocal channeling.

R., I guess I would have to say, you especially have a lot to undo. A lot of your active circuits are involved with pleasing people. Pleasing people has instant gratification, but it isn’t the same thing as serving people. To be eager to please another person is a beautiful thing and to do things to please someone else if it is not contrary to the personal truth that you see within yourself, it is fine. But if there is no spiritual principle that you can think of that would allow you to do what someone else asks of you, then you must simply say that. “I am sorry I cannot serve you because this doesn’t seem to be of service. It seems to me that it would be better if you did this yourself.” Whatever.

That is not easy to do, R., especially for somebody who is as deeply programmed to please as you are. I am amazed at the depth of your…. I mean, you are just like kind of a sweet little boy in part of yourself and I guess it was the negative part of that sweet little boy’s self that we saw trying to break through and break out. It was probably very, very frustrated at having to please so many people for so long.

You don’t have to please anybody. The point is to be of service to please the Creator. What one does is mostly dog food. It is nothing. It is the daily chore. It is the going into traffic; going to work; getting the dishes done; the wide variety of things one has to do for the upkeep of the body: bathing, sitting on the john, eating, all of those activities that are simple maintenance and once done, will have to be done again.

There is only so much time in one day. Consequently, instead of seeking more and more spiritual environments, let me suggest to you that all environments are equally spiritual in that in you lies the entire universe. The universe you see is a subjective, illusion the universe within, the template.

Right on page one, you are getting some very good advice here. “This is not a parlor game, shall we say, but it is a steady effort, a steadfastness, which will produce the desired result of service.” Steadfastness is correct. That is a good channeling and as a matter of fact, I could not fault the channeling in any great way so that is what I had to say mainly.

Not that you need to turn off the tape recorder and go do something. That is the thing that I would say would be the most general guidance from me on this tape, is that you are doing well. You need to slow down. You need to literally smell the roses, to appreciate with all of your senses the glory and beauty of our Infinite Creator, to appreciate them in your life and to each other. Just to be and to feel one with the Creator and appreciate the ecstasy of that.

These intense feelings are very, very important. This is what feeds your ability to serve. Otherwise, you disintegrate into a mechanical duty—perhaps an honor, but also a duty.

The steadfastness is in the daily meditation. If you wish to practice a little every day, one or two minutes, I would say that would probably be safe, but the extended channeling every day is very much to handle without a more experienced channel there. This is my experience. I cannot truly explain to you why this is so. I think it has something to do with regulating the energy center circles since I don’t know how I do what I do, but have simply come upon it, as it were, doing this channeling.

I cannot tell you the teacher who can honor the student except to give you the hints and the clues as to how you will feel. You are interested much more than how you feel what your state of mind is than in doing your duty or anything else. If you are tired, do the silent meditation, and rejoice and have a ball. It is really important that you not push yourselves, but simply be steadfast daily.

It was interesting to watch the channeling come along. It is very comforting to me and I say this more to R. than to K. It is a general comment that I try to instill in anybody when I am talking to them about channeling. I find it comforting that the communications received are not nearly at the level of fluency, or complexity or convoluted ideas, which R. is capable of. This means that there is channeling going on. If it were too good too soon, I would say, “Guess what, R., you have found a way to channel yourself.” And that isn’t horrible. That isn’t bad. It is just not what I teach.

There are lots of people who teach you to reach your inner self and they talk about the lower, and the higher, and the upper, and the inner, and the outer and all of these things and as far as I am concerned, there is a spiritual hierarchy out there and it is on sale. It is not the class act.

The true channel is constantly discovering the more experience it gets, how much it is editing out of the process channel because every time that you stop immediately to question an idea, to think about it, to evaluate it, you are diluting, weakening your channel, causing the process to stumble, as it were, to make a misstep. Consequently, when you pick it up again, during that pause was given things that you did not receive.

I still feel many times that there is more that the channel would have liked to give through channeling that I would simply be not ready to do and especially with Q’uo, who is very long-winded although very wise.

This editing process goes on and on. You must be patient with yourself knowing that you will try to analyze it. Of course, you will have to develop slowly. You can’t change over night. You have to develop new habits, new programs through (inaudible) you find that applicable to service. R., you might watch mixing kudos, and personal love of all entities and your personal love of K. It is not the nature of the contact Q’uo or the Confederation in general to call entities either wonderful or not wonderful, but simply sister and brother. I feel that is probably one place and it happens again and again. It happens repeatedly. That you are, indeed, perhaps operating out of a part of your own deep self as part of the channel.

Be aware of the point-of-view of this cosmic brother-sister entity and realize that there would be no flattery of any kind except simple thanks for being available. Whatever other compliments that you are receiving and is specific will be coming from another source.

The suggestion, K., on tape 2, to release yourself from any expectation is an extremely good idea, not just in channeling but in service-to-others in general. One can never predict what the result of one’s intent to be of service will be. There are many misfires. Some of them horrendous. Most of them simply blat. There it went and you cannot be of service-to-others with intention. You can simply intend to be of service-to-others, put it out there and release it.

You can’t say, “This is meant to be of service,” when you give it to somebody else because it may not be part of that person’s personal truth and it certainly itself is aggrandizing. Keep in mind the balance of being told between being and doing and be—in other words, silent meditation at least as much as the channeling meditations.

As for myself, my usual schedule of extended channeling is twice a week and one of those times I am doing it as a sermonette with questions and the other times I am bringing along new channels. Now K. is helping out and we have decided to start her off on Thursday nights and luckily, although there is not anyone else that is in my estimation ready to study channeling at this time. We had two students last year and I worked with them all last year up until our vacation this summer, and soon after I began working with them, I simply stopped teaching channeling and began working with their lower energy centers on that blockage because those were very firmly, intentionally wanting to help others and to be of service.

There were great confusions. There was an unawareness on the part of the other partner of what this partner was going through and, consequently, there was the unconscious abuse of that relationship. Much work was needed to be done to mend those two relationships and I am still in the midst of working with them. They have both improved, but one of the two partners in each relationship is not coming and is not going through the same experience.

Thank God, you two are working together. You will find it a bumpy ride, but you will be changing together. You can support each other in your discomfort.

K. is here to stay and of incredible help, even though she is having to work to pay off debts, we are hoping (I didn’t think this would be possible) but it just came to me that it was time to be more sacrificial in what I have spent. Surely we could find enough money to pay for a third person’s car, and car insurance and health insurance, which are the basics, that other costs would not go up that much. I simply need to give up that terrible addiction I have to lovely clothes.

I told K. we are going to start learning the second-hand clothing shops around this city because I still like clothes and you can find them cheaper.

I am going to move on through here. “ You can indeed sustain the effort required to achieve and maintain the contact.” That is extremely so. Few there are who can do anything on a daily basis of a spiritual nature for the rest of their lives. Basically those who are vocal channels have a ministry and need to live as ministers and feel fed with the food that tends to sustain us as we sustain our efforts.

“We have been getting things about the harvest that is at hand,” still on page 3, “and there is much to be done.” I think Ra’s suggestion is extremely good in that regard. I don’t remember which book it is in, but basically it says, whatever is going to happen is going to happen and at that point, there will be a great need for people like us who can offer information that will be very important to them. Rather than worrying about surviving a disaster, my interest is sort of being in the thick of it and doing the best I can while I am here.

The physical death is unimportant when you think about the real crisis like an earthquake catastrophe or a world war, whatever. I don’t have a feeling of defending myself. I have more of a feeling of wishing to share my thanks, my certainties in eternity with people who face death. We all face death, but most of us turn sideways to it until the last moment. It is not turning our back on it entirely.

About the stimulation of heartbeats and all that, conditioning is the general term that I know for the physiological differences. What I would call the rapid heartbeat is what I experienced for a good six months and that was a real rush. It is just a rush and it tends to knock everything right out of your head and you can’t channel. It is just a matter of the energy that is coming through you. It is just poof! As you get used to working with the energy, it slows and then stops by itself. My heartbeat doesn’t accelerate one iota any more.

However, I do ask for a very subtle kind of conditioning. I ask for a feeling of contact and different entities have different ways of entering my head, but I ask for the feeling of an electrical place of entry. I call it the (inaudible) effect. I do find that is comforting to me.

The reason that the acceleration of the heartbeat would be increasingly difficult to survive, as Q’uo said, is simply that you are practicing. I am still practicing too.

Your challenging is excellent. I would suggest that you do challenge once quickly, just to check when you pick up a channel a second time rather than simply going on trust. The better you get at this, the more close you stand to the light, and the more liable you are to interference by a negative contact.

You talk a lot on page 8 about, “it takes much practice, much discipline to be able to simply focus on a kind of energy.” It does. It really does. At the point that I am now, I think I may be able to start getting better because of the fact that I simply don’t worry about it any more. I have just done too much of it and after year after year of coming out with coherent material that is approved and is metaphysically good by such people as you and my priest, (inaudible) so I look at this as a life and the steadfastness, and the duty, and an honor, and all that. They are all there, but mixed in is the self-discipline that you really need to give yourself a way of bit of humanity. Sin a little. Take one day a week and eat all the wrong things and whatever you want, but don’t feel that you have to lead a holy life by leading a serious life because the most holy thing in the world is to be able to look at trouble, and woe and laugh at either while still being sane.

I have marked you both on page 9. I didn’t like that. You hadn’t gotten to M. and I like to see her come in. I am glad to see that you are beginning on page 10 to get some disclaimers because that is the most important part of this kind of contact. Speaking of the kind of contact, you have been fooling around with tape recorders. You have been fooling around with the crystals and, R., you have been fooling around with phenomena all of your adult life. You are fascinated with the stuff. It is like candy to you and you eat it, but it doesn’t give you anything because all of the phenomenal roads lead nowhere. They end in mystery and what feeds us is the worship, and the delight, and the joy and the peace we feel because of our relationship to that mystery. That mystery is love. That mystery loves us specifically and personally. We are imperishable beings who love back. But by the grace of being able to channel that love, it comes through us, not from us and when you are oozing and grunting, it is time for a break.

Not that I don’t think you did have to do a certain amount of oozing and grunting. Crying. I have the same problem every day of my life. I have to ooze and grunt to get up in the morning. If I was really one of those people that just didn’t give a shit, I would probably be an invalid. I would probably spend the day in bed because I ask myself, “Do you want to get up this morning?” and my body says, “Are you kidding? No way.” Then I say, “Up; at them!” and begin the day because there is no denying the morning. It is coming and you might as well meet it cheerfully for this is the day of the Lord.

On page 12, R. picks Yadda. The instrument is the most excellent for Yadda and that is the danger. K., you should be holding R.’s hand. He needs the protection of bodily contact so that he cannot go into a trance because of the bodily interference. You have got to firmly hold hands and, R., don’t do the threesome thing without K. and M. holding your hands. There is a danger when you are very much aligned with a channel, and that is you will be (inaudible). I am sure you are aware that you ought to have hopes of speaking pithily, succinctly, clearly without convoluted sentences.

Yadda is a very strict, forward cat, whatever type of energies he may be. The Yadda channeling that I have read gets beyond any kind of at or awareness of how different Yadda is and really talks about the spiritual principles. When you keep your eye on phenomena, you do burn out because phenomena does not feed the heart. It feeds the mind and you can do a lot in your intellect and think that you are making a lot of sense when, in fact, you are thinking, not feeling. You really have to get that heart open and get the love coming in as well as going out.

The love of the Infinite Creator is everywhere, and in everything and is the nature of everyone, including us so what we have to do is just come to that awareness of the exciting sanctity in every piece of our lives because we need a good reason to do things to make us sacrificial, and denying, and in service-to-others and things like that. Love answering the job is the reason for me. I give a tremendous amount of love in what I do and I don’t look for an outcome. I just go ahead and channel. I always hope I channel well.

Here on page 12, I notice that you are questioning how often you should channel and maybe you should go into silent meditations. You really shouldn’t, R. and, K., I haven’t examined the mechanics of how you are going about this because I work with R. I know you always have trouble with silent meditations, listening meditations, because what you do is you image things. And you follow the imagery. That is to your credit in the real world, in the consensus illusion, in the dance we dance from day-to-day, but it basically sucks. This one application, you have to listen, stop talking, stop thinking, stop in-putting into your bio-computer. Stop that and listen.

The reason that I use all the bells and whistles of the Episcopalian church service and have all of my life, is that I am a sensualist and it occupies my senses, all of them. I listen to what is being done; what is being said; there is a tremendous amount of aesthetic beauty in the altar flowers, and all of the symbols used in service. They give you so many helps, so many tools, to polarize and worship. That is why I stick with my church, which allows me to stay in it although I don’t believe anything literally at all. I don’t care whether Jesus ever lived or not. It is a good story.

The song is helpful in clearing channels because again, us westerners, it occupies the mind. You can’t do anything else while you are singing unless you are like me, and you know a lot of tunes and you don’t really have to hum it. But I don’t need that when you are really singing the song. That is all you can do is breathe and sing the song. It clears you because it is magical. Singing is magical. It moves one into one’s heart, into one’s consciousness. It alters consciousness. And it has physiological effects n plants, etc., so it isn’t surprising that it has effects. What we put in our ears affects us because we more or less are what we eat, and I mean that in all of our perceptions.

On to page 16, here we go with the crystals and see, you are worrying about the crystals. You need to be worrying about being out in the universe having a ball. The basic idea of this is to live a whole life. Holy lives are lives lived in a consciousness of infinite and compassionate love. It doesn’t have to make you cranky. It doesn’t have to make you use anything else but your own crystallized being. If you want to use the crystals, fine, but it is neither here nor there. If it makes you feel good about crystals, then I think you guys were real crystal hounds when you were here. I don’t see any problems with that except for the fact that everything has some kind of distortion to it. No crystal is absolutely regular and you just do better to work on crystallizing yourself, I think, before you start to use aids, which are solids because the main thing is to quiet the mind.

You can listen to the breathing and imagine the old tired air going out and the new prana coming in, the energy coming in. That is a good thing to do. You can watch the back of your eyes except with somebody like you, R., that would lead to visualization almost immediately. With me, it stays usually in patterns of color, but I like listening to the breath the best because it is something that is absolutely every moment of the time, when you realize you are not watching your breath, then you go back to watching your breath. That gives you something to do with your head while you are listening.

I am going to send you the transcript of a meditation that we had recently where the worship was asked about and there was a lot of talk about how to worship if you don’t go to church. I think you all could really use this information. I told Jim to put a copy for R. and note it down on the tape so that the lady that types them will make one for you and send it to you.

When you are going to head for channeling contacts, which know about crystals or which are nature spirits, it is the same kind of change as moving to spiritualism and channeling your dead relatives. You don’t need to take the collected energies of the Confederation of planets in the service of the Infinite Creator and ask trivial questions. I do not deny that the phenomena are fascinating, but I do feel that they are all a dead end and that a person who spends a lot of time thinking about phenomena and isn’t realizing that everything ends in mystery. That you are not ever going to get where you want to go by knowing anything, but just simply by abiding in faith. As we say in this part of the country, “laying with it.”

You are going to have, see here on page 19, K. says that she would really like to have contact with those of the Confederation with the expertise about crystals. This is not the business of philosophers. Ra was very frank about saying this is a question of no value because he was trying to stop asking those questions because they weakened the instrument and right away, towards the end of the page R. to Q’uo, “I have been experiencing some difficulty in trying to maintain this contact,” and then we find that this instrument is experiencing much editing. You see you start having trouble with the contact when you start asking questions.

I think there are books out by very wise people about crystals and perhaps you should just do some reading. Also, the way to get hold of nature spirits, the devas—if you want to do that, what you need to do is find a teacher who teaches this kind of channeling. I don’t know how to ask questions of the Confederation without detuning the contact and I don’t know how to do anything except ask the Confederation to help another person, like E., who wanted to channel devas to get a deva. All I could do was, I think whoever it was, Hatonn, or whoever, handled the the other contact and watched the other contact while she was here. I guess that she hadn’t been able to do this at home for the simple reason that she isn’t sitting in a group with somebody that knows how to pray and has a lot of faith in that.

It would be well for you to decide what you want out of this contact. What service do you want to give? You want to know about phenomena? Fine. You are getting the wrong picture here. You are not at the right source. You should go to a spiritualist, or trance-medium or somebody that channels nature spirits or somebody that teaches about crystals and do that and learn all you want about it until you are satisfied. There is nothing wrong with any of this stuff. I have been through tons of material on all of this stuff. It is just that I have the brains to see that it all ends in mystery. And that strikes so deep in my heart because I am a philosophizing type person that I simply turned from it.

That is what I missed with you when you were here, R. I was letting you go on and on about various phenomena because Don used to do that all of the time and I never paid any attention to it after I figured out what I thought about it.

I am afraid it sort of winds you up and makes you start wanting more out of the channel and differently out of the channel. The Confederation is used to talking about spiritual principles and will not be detuned as long as you stick to that.

Think about it.

On page 23, it says, “Please concentrate on your own ridding yourself of your own doubts. Trust yourself more and feel the love.” They are wanting you to worship. They are wanting you to feel healed, whole, forgiven, at one, atoned for all of those things that you read in regular religions. This is what they are hoping would be the tenor of the life of the person that they are advising. They always say, “Okay, where is the love in this moment?” basically is the way Ra put it. Day-by-day, minute-by-minute, you are living a life. You are making a very rich tapestry. I think of it as making a poem, making life a poem, trying to make the colors as true and the emotions as clear so that everything is as clear as possible, but in order to do that, you have to be picking up on faith.

On 24 it says, “The confusion is generated from within each instrument.” The editing will go on and on. Allow that to happen. Allow the contact to have a feeling that there is more, but that you can’t get more. It is just a matter of practice. I find I go on channeling. I have been doing it since ‘74 now, so that is fifteen years. If I simply persist and leave the channel open, I can get any amount of information that I want to sit down and channel, but it takes the ability not to worry about hanging your ass over the line. The only way past that one is simply to do it, and to do it, and to do it until it is in your muscle memory and you are not concerned about it except that you do want to be of service so you are going to generate some information.

In the midst of all of your protection, your excellent challenging, you are obviously good tuning, all of these things that you are doing right, you miss the music so have a ball. That is the first priority. Be totally honest about what you feel and what you need and remember that if you were somebody else and you were the boss, you would be very good to that employee because you like people and you like to be good to people. You sympathize with them. That is the connection that you should be having with yourself.

Feed yourself. Singing the songs, reading inspiring things, talking with other people when they want to talk. Sitting in silent meditation every day. Feed yourself so that you won’t need the comfort and the protection as much because you will begin to feel with that lighter touch the efficacy of the protection that you are using and it is excellent protection.

On page 26, R., you ask about making these sessions into a book. I would suggest that you wait about a year at least before you start even thinking about doing anything but practicing because there is so much mediocre information out there by so many other channels who have not been persistent in pursuit of their gift and have allowed some sort of temptation, personal power over other people, looking smart, being able to prophesy. To take that information is a real trap because it is self-aggrandizing to do that. It makes you know something that somebody else doesn’t and that is always a secret thrill, but it is not good for the contact.

These channelings are not of the quality that would help anybody but you guys. They are typical of beginning channels who are feeling their way. I can’t tell you how relieved I was when M. joined you.

On page 29, I totally agree that the intensity of these meetings is too strong for the young neophytes, I should call yourselves. I could probably hack it, but I think I’d feel the strain after a while if I channeled a whole channeling every day for an extended period of time, even without going into trance, and I am not sure that I said clearly enough why I wanted your hand held, R.

You are not that tightly wrapped yet. You are making a whole new start on life. You are trying to learn to be a person who is honest just trying to placate everybody. You are trying to be straight forward instead of manipulating and you are having a lot of new programming to do. That young spirit within you is beautiful, but it is fragile. It is your best work and it is vulnerable so you need to feed yourself to the point where doing the service can be a joy and that means silent meditation every day, some sort of offering in the morning and some sort of offering as you go to bed. Spiritual food.

On page 31, there was something that I thought was questionable. K. asked if it is possible for negatively polarized energy to take over that channel after it has already begun and the answer is too wishy-washy. I am not saying that it isn’t accurate. It is extremely accurate, the whole paragraph if you are influenced by your feeling of self-worth, etc. However, there was some ifiness about the answer and I would say always, challenge. Just once or three times.

(Very noisy. Carla is moving mike.) I channeled him because I didn’t want to channel somebody that I knew like Ra. So that is a real temptation to let up on the challenging process. You can do it in good spirit and it isn’t a war. I mean it is a war out there, but it is a war that you can be a hero in.

I marked on page 32, K. felt that there was a being attached to her left side. What you do to get rid of entities like that is concentrate on the most succinct, pithy and deep-reaching symbol of your belief. I use the cross and when there is a particularly difficult or irritating spirit around me that is just not going away, but can’t meet the challenge either—one day I was hauling the cross up in my mind and saying, “I challenge you in the name of Jesus Christ. Be gone if you are not Jesus Christ.” Then I got this inspiration and I mentally put myself on the cross and drove nails through my hands and feet and prepared to die for the salvation of mankind. Then I said, “Be gone if you are not Jesus Christ.” That did it.

It has to be a real powerful succinct image that goes very deep into the mind so that when you do the challenging that you have the power and strength of your total personality as an imperishable being that you are able to bring to bear on a spiritual principle that is helpful to you. If it is a question of control, you cannot control the information that you get except by shaping the language in which it is put. All you can do is control what contact you get.

I don’t know if that helps or not because you are challenging in a universal Christ consciousness and I don’t know if there is a sign that you would feel comfortable using with that. Maybe the fish, maybe the crucified Christ, maybe the risen Christ. I don’t know, but you need to have some strong emotional, deep-mind kind of image to use in the challenging once you get some Orion problems, which you obviously did. It is not a bad problem. It didn’t actually get very far with that when you think of what is most deeply you and challenge with that image as an imperishable being that is the equal of absolutely everything in the universe, which means by the way, that none of the people that we talk to, including Ra, have ever considered itself superior to us. It is well that we do not consider ourselves superior in any way just because we have a ministry.

You got hold of the ocean and the tree spirits here. I really don’t know how to help you. It is a different kind of energy and it is more apt to be energies that are most conducive to being picked up in an altered state, that is, in a trance, and I haven’t had real good luck with controlling the trance experience. It has always been detrimental to me physically and permanently and so I don’t feel that I could teach that. Whatever you are interested in doing, keep your eye out for the right person because if you are interested in nature spirits, etc., they will get talking that specific things. They will be of a different nature, different energy.

I am a very limited help. I am just sitting here observing this and I don’t know much about dealing with devas or any kind of inner-planes people. I have done it and it makes me very, very tired, exhausted, and obviously that is not my bag so I wouldn’t be a decent instructor if I didn’t say, “Hey, this is my limitation. I cannot help you with devas. I cannot help you with the spirit of the old ones in the ocean or whatever.”

I know I, myself, have felt contact with the ocean. It was very distressed just before a hurricane blew through the islands. We were at Pawley’s Island one year. I understand that Pawley’s Island is almost not there any more. Just on the eve of destruction literally, I was very meditative, and just sitting and listening to the ocean and I started channeling the ocean. I challenged it. No problem. But it was so distressed because it didn’t want to be doing all of this harm. It just hated it. It had to do this.

Here on you add M. Hooray. And plodding along is exactly what you should be doing. It reassures me that as I keep on with this, I see that you are talking in longer sentences and longer paragraphs. But that the information is still rough and still mostly convoluted and basically about the process of channeling. This is precisely where I would expect you to be if you were on the beam so you are doing fine.

I wish that you and M. become as a threesome with R. in the position of being the most experienced channel and in turn have an experienced channel over R. for just like a week of work because I would feel better than about sending L/L west back to California and letting you work on it. It is pretty obvious to me that you definitely have a vocation if you want to take it up. It is a very serious decision to make, but you are hurting from now having a more experienced channel to rest back on. It makes the process harder than it would be otherwise and I don’t know what to do about that. But if the three of you come some time in the next century or so, it might help. It might help you. You might find a lot of comfort and I would like that for you.

On 37 you use the word performance, if this word is permitted, and you, yourself, realize that was not a word in the channeling. So I don’t need to say too much about that. You don’t perform. You are a servant. You wash people’s feet. Clean up their shit. You work on their real deep problems with them and you do it with the spirit of no judgment, no criticism. You simply desire to help. The idea of performance, as if you are on a stage and you are performing for people, and then they clap or something—you know that really wipes out a spiritual ministry because we aren’t in sales here. We are not trying to proselytize. We are not trying to convince anybody of anything. We are just trying to get information that gives us tools and resources for the acceleration of spiritual growth.

What kind of questions to ask? There is K., the careful one. I think I have addressed that sufficiently. “Look for spiritual principles, inquire about spiritual principles and you will always have the best shot at getting the best that you can from the particular Confederation entities that I am able to bring in.” As I said, if you want to work with devas and spirits in the oceans and inner-planes types like that, there are undoubtedly very good teachers who can do that with you, but in this particular contact working with spiritual principles in general is their vortex.

40, that is where you were sliding into the trance, R. You really need not to do that. You really need to protect the self that you are making out of your old self and the trance state could tear you apart again. Because you are such a good compatible channel for the contact Yadda, I feel very cautious about that contact because I don’t want you to slide into a trance. Be careful, especially with Yadda, but always hold K.’s hand and will that she will stay conscious.

The idea of being of some urgency that these two instruments feel in finishing their mission, let me put it this way. I think that it is an easy way to untangle that concept. We are all going to die to get off of this rock. That means our time is limited. That means since we do not know the hour or the day when larger life comes to us, it is best to be working all of the time.

Consequently, my basic advice to everybody is just to have faith and keep plugging away as if you were going to die tomorrow. Think to yourself, If I die tomorrow, is there anybody that I haven’t apologized to? Anything that I would like to do and haven’t done for people. Make sure that you are squared away with all of your relationships, and clear, and clean and ready to start adventure. You don’t need karma.

I am on 43 now. (inaudible) I haven’t seen that name before, but then I hadn’t seen Gilio before either and it seemed rather harmless. Just remember that these changes will come. The point is not that the changes will come because we will die any way. There is no way for permanent survival in this body so just relax. Know that it is a time of transition, but know that these people are terrible with numbers. One of the hymns in the Episcopalian hymnal says, “A thousand ages in thy sight is but an evening gone,” and I really think that is where they are with that.

They cannot tell you when anything is going to happen real well. They had a lot of trouble with numbers.

On page 45, “The achievement of oneself is the critical and most important aspect of being able to avail yourself of the energies in the ascension, shall we say, of these surrounding consciousness.” That is a truth. If the crystals please you, fine. If dealing with nature spirits pleases you, fine. But on page 45, the last paragraph you get the straight stuff. “Once again, it is not so much the crystal, which requires cleansing, my brother and my sisters, as it is the instrument who wishes to channel the energies of ascension.”

That is why I put such a really strong emphasis on clearing the lower energies. I think we are going to impose a curfew so you or somebody else doesn’t get wiped out by staying up late and (noisy mike). I think that was really what put you over the edge, R. You just simply are in an altered state of consciousness from lack of sleep.

On this same page you say, “We hope this reassuring discourse will help you in your further perceptions within the structure, shall we say, for it is the key to accessing that which you wish to control in the service-to-others.” I guess what I would like to say too is to soften it and deepen it. What we want to do is bring ourselves to a channeling process just concentrating like a baseball pitcher, ready to do it, and just do it the best we can. And control is there, but it is only a benign control. Surrender is so much a part into worship, to channel, to grow spiritually that it is very important to control what contact you get, but if you start getting things around you that feel like powerful things, what you are doing is that you are distorting the energy according to the distortions of that crystal, so really the first thing you need to do is crystallize yourself. That is a dandy hard one.

Going to Sedona, I think that there really isn’t anything wrong with that, going to Sedona. There is also nothing fantastic about going to Sedona. It is a part of the spiritual supermarket. Sedona is a power place and the Four Corners area is a power place. Perhaps it really is a power place and that is fine, but the power place is truly within each of us and we are not dependent on the energies of the planet in order to work spiritually. I know that Sedona is seething with New Age people and I caution you.

You say here on 49, “You are finding your path bearable, shall we say, in spite of these additional attendees.” Actually that is the only reason that you learn to channel so that you can be of help to attendees. If you are finding this difficult to do, to work with other people, and channel for them, and listen to them and basically do your ministry, think about it. If you don’t want to do that for a long time, the expertise that you are working so hard here for is not likely to be useful.

I honestly believe that one can protect a place for the length of a working regardless of where one is. If you want to go to Sedona, go and without fear because if you know who you are, and you are very sure-footed in that knowledge that you are a child of God, nothing really can harm you.

I like those comments, R., that Q’uo made where he says, “(inaudible) but you don’t know the answers. You haven’t been focusing on the questions.”

(First tape ends. Start of second tape.)

I see again that you have included M. and I am really glad that you have a third person. It is so important and I think that you may find subjectively to become a trio.

On 52, “We leave now, figuratively speaking.” It is amazing how often that is said because they don’t ever really leave us. They just don’t talk to us.

They cannot protect us any more than our will and our faith. Accept it. Consequently, you really need to be polarizing on the body, in persisting on being merry in your growth, having a light touch, and always attempting to open up that channel so that the light and the love can come through you without exhausting you.

I think that you need to practice your channeling, I really do, before you think about publishing because there is no sense in putting another half-baked, beginning channeling book out when in a year or two if you continue, you will be in much better shape, and will be more comfortable with it, and more tuned to it, and will find it easier to get all of each thought out before the mind begins to edit.

I am done. I am on page two again. The only thing I have left to do is to sing you some songs because you mentioned songs and to sing you some little ones that you can sing around the house to make you energized and think about God. I think that is the main goal here is just simply to spend time with the presence of the Infinite Creator.

(Carla sings several songs and explains the background of each.)

(Carla listens to her phone message machine.)

I really enjoy that machine. I don’t want to get into a half hour’s conversation with my ECW President. I am arrangements chairman for the diocese and convention this year and she isn’t an organized person. She is not a logical person so she is compulsive. She goes over and over and over everything. It has been really interesting for me having the experience of having to deal with her because she is pretty irritating. But she is a very sweet woman and it is just that she is a bit dotty. But she is my ECW President and I do need to work with her, not against her. So I shall call her back after I finish with you.

(Carla continues singing.)

There is one that has helped me a lot when I am going through the dark night of the soul. Deitrich von Hoffer was a religious person who was in Germany in the thirties and he went to London and was out of it, but when he looked at how terrible the conditions were for Christians back in Germany, he made the sacrificial Christ-like decision to go back to Germany and try to help as a German to Germans, a sentiment which I heartily approve of and which is basically my feeling about the hard times to come. I will respond to them when they hit me in the face, but I don’t have to think about it ahead of time because in that time something will be given to me to do.

Probably croak because I won’t have any medicine, but at any rate, this guy was finally locked up in several different prisons and just before the war’s ending, I mean days before the war’s ending, he was assassinated by a firing squad.

While he was in prison in total solitude, he was able to use the Morse Code to tap messages of hope, and help and goodness to the other people who were stuck in the same prison with him and he had a real ministry there. He wrote this poem in prison so I think at desert time, which we all must experience if we change because change is painful, is a good time to have the words to this song under your belt.

(Carla sings.)

If you want some more, just tell me. I think that brings to an end my help to you. I encourage you very much in dailyness and to love each other and to have a ball. Take things lightly; be merry in the Lord; and not to be so overly serious that your honor becomes not just a duty but a burden. You need to keep yourself clear first.

I have a lot of trouble with that concept myself because I really want to get work done and it is hard for me to take time off, but I do it because I know I really need the rest, the feeding, the doing things just hacking around. You cannot take life seriously. Oscar Wilde said, “Life is too important to b taken seriously.” It is cute but it is also true. He also said, “All of us are lying drunk in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” Two extremely wise little quips from a dear man that had a real hard time of it.

As to our news, K. is sneezing in the front room, working out just super and is a real boost to the household. It is sort of like we needed a wife, an able-bodied person that could help Jim out. Jim told me recently, “I think I will like having a sister.” And that was really good news because he has trouble being with anybody, including me. As a matter of fact, he is going up on Avalon for three days again this week to just be and also to do a lot of work. He likes it to work and that sugar shack needs all of the work you could think of. It really did start out in poor shape. He has got a ceiling to tear down and windows to glaze and set in, etc. But he is making progress and he is having a ball.

And that is great. That is his green cathedral access church. To me it is all just bushes, and trees and stuff. I don’t really get a lot out of it except that it is pretty. One place is as good as another to me. I am not real sensitive, but Jim felt something really magical in the atmosphere. That is why I called it Avalon because that was a magic place.

A lot of K.’s stuff, silverware, plates, the stuff that one uses to keep house, will go right in that sugar shack once it is redecorated, and painted and everything, which is going to be a long time, but there is already a blow-up mattress down there and sleeping bag for Jim. He just takes food that he is going to eat along with him and he doesn’t have a stove yet, so he eats fruit and things out of cans. It really makes him happy and he is going to be gone from Tuesday morning until Friday, and will come back as happy as a little clam.

The money for the Book of Days simply did not come in. We got close to $2,000, but it is a $10,000 expense, not counting any profit. That is just how much it would cost to print it and mail it. I don’t think we even figured in any envelopes, only postage and printing. But we did get quite a bit of the money that people said, that if we don’t make that book, go ahead and keep the money and so we had some extra money. We decided to use it for now on beefing up the computer to match K.’s abilities so that K. can help us better and get a printer. She is looking at a Hewlitt Packard Deskjet. It is a printer, that although it is not a laser printer, it looks like a laser printer and it is cheaper than a laser printer. We are headed towards those purchases, which are fairly substantial but we have that much money right now.

We figure, okay, creation didn’t want a Book of Days right now so we’ll just use the money that was donated to improve our ability to serve. That is real good.

I think I told you that we also used some extra money that we got that we didn’t need for reprinting to get a baby sitter for the kids that come to the meditation group with their parents. I put a second TV upstairs and K. has got a VCR that’s got cable so there is a television room upstairs that the kids can watch happily and they are always mesmerized by TV. Therefore, they are quiet and all we have to make sure is that they don’t turn the TV up too loud. That has been a real blessing.

We haven’t had trouble with people trashing the house, which kids in their gangster period, like from 9 to 14, will do. Just too much energy. We try to look at the money just as energy, not particularly for one thing or another, but as something that is being made available to us and what should we do with it? There is no sense in being attached to an outcome because you don’t always get the outcome that you want. You just do the best you can.

We did the best we could with that book. The hope for its being published at this point is No. 1: If we wait long enough, we will accumulate the money. We are a little bit ahead. Periodically we do have money. It might be ten or twelve years that we might publish a Book of Days that goes through three years instead of one.

That is one possibility. The other possibility is a memo from Transition Publishers and they solidly and enthusiastically want to publish the material. They read one little thing in the Lightlines and wrote us immediately and said, “If you have enough of this to make a book, we want to publish it.” Jim wrote back and said, “What’s the deal?” They said that they didn’t have any money right now. They were new. They had to collect some capital before they could publish our book and Jim said, “I need to know about how much the whole cost would be to me because I don’t want to get into a situation where I have to pay more for the book than I would if I printed it myself.” We learned that lesson with the Ra material. It is the most expensive book we’ve got.

It is not usually responsible for pulling in a lot of money because people are still thinking of costs of books as being about $4 or $5 a book for a paperback at the most, and actually the costs have gone up so much. Every time we do a newsletter, we spend close to a $1,000. It is just one of those things where there is a tremendous amount of energy moving through the group and rather than block it by feeling down about not being able to do the Book of Days, we just feel like we will do something positive with that money, and then accumulate money as we always do and wait for the day when we can print it.

Unless Transition comes through with a good deal for us, we’d really rather print it ourselves, but there is no hurry for that. There is just one of those things—a thought for the day kind of book, which I thought would be a good moneymaker for L/L because people do use daily guidance of some kind. They read the Bible, or they read the Daily Word, or Forward Day-by- Day, if they are Episcopalians. That is what our church puts out and I think different Christian churches put out different day-by-day Bible readings, thinking- about- things schedule.

I think I’ve got you up-to-date on all the news.

R., I do caution you to hold K.’s hand. This is most important. M., I thank you for being a third. Don’t worry if you never channel in your life. You are just as much a part of that channeling as the channel. The energy that is pulled into the group is pulled in not by the channel, but by the group. The channel is simply the instrument, which is used to express what is being pulled in, what is being called for. Be very, very careful what you call for, what you ask for because you’ll get it.

That is the spiritual law. So I think you all are doing very bravely and very well and working too hard on your spiritual lives.

I think, R., that you are still too involved with the phenomena and I want you to use your intellect and analyze what you don’t know. The speed of light—why the constant? What does it mean? It is useful in many, many equations and we have been able to make many, many gadgets using our knowledge of the speed of light. It is a constant. Nobody knows why.

Electricity—people know how to generate it, but to explain it, to tell you exactly what electricity is, nobody knows. We don’t know the bottom line. All we know is how to use physics, electricity, gadgets. We know how to manipulate, but to be able to explain the principles upon which they work is impossible.

I would not say this on my own hook because I am the most ignorant person you can imagine about science because I entered college as a junior having passed the necessary tests, and was admitted as freshman, as a junior. I didn’t have to take any of the foundation classes that they generally run you through. Consequently I am a novice in (inaudible). I know no sociology, no science. I know the Russian language, which I have forgotten. I know American literature. I know how to write. I know how to be a librarian and that is it.

Talk about a narrow education, but Don explained it to me that behind absolutely every phenomenon was a mystery. It is really important to keep that in mind.

(Section missing?)

… it is to know that understanding is not part of this illusion and that no matter how many details you learn about the pyramids or whatever you are interested in, great souls, spirits, etc., it has all been worked on, but it will not move you into the cavern within. What will do that for you is giving yourself a period of silent meditation so that you will be up, and strong, and cheery about vocal channeling, which does take a lot out of you—very concentrated. It doesn’t get easier. You do have to have a very high grade of concentration.

The Box Society conference is next Sunday. R.F. from Florida is coming up on the bus on Friday and will be here until the 11th. That will be fun. I have tons of work to do right now because I am arrangements chairman for the convention this year. It is like putting on a wedding arrangement or huge party with over 100 people that goes on for a couple of days so I have to deal with four meals, and four different workshops, and where to put the chairs, and getting somebody to handle the chairs, and making sure that everything is taken care of so it is just a lot of organization. I am not really enjoying it, but I do it because of the discipline to do something for the love of God is a hard discipline if you don’t particularly like the job.

It can be made joyful by realizing that serving the Creator is freedom, that is truthfully. We will not realize that without a lot of work, so I don’t begrudge the jobs that I have been given this year, which are somewhat extensive because I know I will be able to help and do a good job. Because I certainly can pick up the phone and that is basically what it is all about is delegate things to somebody and now K. is going to help me by writing the postcards to each and every person contacted so they can scurry around and get it done.

The minister to the young church is my joy. To minister to the people in the church seems to me far less necessary because there is so much help in the church that ministers to people. People that are working with me on channeling are truly strangers in a strange land, and I have to help them find their own personal myths, their own personal beliefs, systems and encourage that. I feel that is more important than doing work for people who are already coming to church so I do that for spiritual discipline and I do the corresponding with people just to be of service. I like helping. I like what I do for them.

I think I have finally run down. I always think of one more thing to tell you. We are having sort of an Indian summer and Jim is having a wonderful time out on the land.

My health for me has been real well. I have got a lot of aches and pains, but I am not dysfunctional now any time I can get up like at 6:30 a.m. I am learning how to eat healthy foods. K. is doing part of the cooking now. Things just feel real good now.

We are going to have an intensive, which is going to involve work on the lower energy center blockages and listening to meditations and it will just be people that write in. Jim will notify them when they write in and put them on the list as it is first come, first served. He thinks he can manage it to do two a year, but wants to do two and evaluate. Do one and evaluate and then do two and evaluate and see if this is our path. If we have found our path because we have been searching for a vehicle for teaching after we got together.

Don was a wonderful speaker, but Jim and I are just people. We haven’t the careers that Don had and I feel good about that. Teaching is something in our lives to develop and get better. Each time we do one, we analyze it and figure out what we didn’t like about it and then apply ourselves to thinking about how can we be of service. We have to work so that there isn’t a problem, whatever it is.

We will have one of those some time this winter and another one some time in the summer time, whenever people write in and want to come. I guess that is pretty much the extent of planning the future.

We just got out what Jim considers to be his best newsletter. It went to six pages. He actually spent extra money to do with this one channeling, so I hope everybody appreciates it. It was real expensive.

Things are just hopping along great here and except for an ache or pain or two on my part, we are basically approaching perfection at this point, very humbly but very pleasant and restful. Just as I had hoped it would be. We are all pretty nice people. There is no reason that it shouldn’t be that way. You never know until you actually do it, but it feels real good.

As for you two, I love you dearly. Take care of each other. Be sweet and take it easy on yourselves with your new selves. Think of yourself as a baby that needs to be nurtured, treated tenderly and that will help you out a lot. You need to be sweet and good to yourselves. If you haven’t relaxed all day, you have just go to drop what you are doing and go read a joke magazine, or see a comedy to get back on the beam of being married and joyful. I think that really is what we give to this world as wanderers is our simple being in a joyful, eternity-based awareness of consciousness rather than a (inaudible) awareness of consciousness, which is, of course, just manipulating illusion.

I shall sign off now. Lots of love and light to you both. I really hope that you meant no rush because I have had a lot to do lately and I really couldn’t get to it any sooner than now. Here’s to you. Sorry I had to talk so long on this subject. You can take a trip somewhere some day and listen to it.

Talk to you later. Cheerio.

Carla

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