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Carla’s Niche

Carla’s Letter Tapes

CAVEAT: Warning! These letters have not been edited by Carla. Expect errors.

To JW

March 31, 1990

Dear J,

It’s actually April 1 because it’s past midnight. I thought I’d be up awhile so decided to work on catching up with back correspondence, which is stacked up and each does require a block of time because people that write me letters of no substance, don’t get letters of substance, so I’ve never seen much point in exchanging idle views.

Your painting came—it is incandescently beautiful—I absolutely adore it. I’m going to have to change bedspreads in my room and whatever rugs—that’s my next project now that room because of the violet intuitive things that Jim framed for me, not professionally, but in frames we already had that my grandmother had given to me as part of all of her effects when she died. Nobody wanted them, I couldn’t imagine, so I paid for the shipping, including a piano she had taught on for forty years, and I’m putting her gifts to good use once again.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. My initial reaction to the painting was the same as it is now—just joy and loving it, and seeing the heavens so bright—how you managed to get three dimensions on that painting the way you did. I dearly do love it and I’m going to lavendarized that whole bedroom in your honor because I think it is so special. Your painting has inspired me to fix it up.

There’s a fellow who wants to sell his home in the country and move back to town—an L&L member from way back (he started in 1974) and he wants to move back to the city but doesn’t want to buy anything yet and wants to know if he can just rent a room and Jim said he would think about it. I really hope that T decides (and Jim agrees) to do that for two reasons.

Number one, as usual, I’m the consumer of the family—I pay the bills, manage the budget and so forth—Jim doesn’t want to have anything to do with it or is at all interested—he trusts me to have money in the bank—well he does run about a $35,000 a year business, our charity. But he doesn’t make any money—he doesn’t pay himself a salary—this year we were barely able to meet the expenses of reprinting the books we already have in print. It used to be before postage doubled in the last couple of years, that we at L&L could do a new project once a year or maybe once every two years.

You can imagine that about 99% of our material is not in publication. I’ve been channeling since 1974 and we keep all that stuff. Just drawers and drawers full of that stuff as a matter of fact, and maybe the time will come when we can do another project, but I’m not really dedicated to it.

I know exactly what you mean about people who wander past pictures and they love the pictures but they don’t call to them, and then all of the sudden they see, Shazam!, I love this—it’s their painting and that become riveted.

I think that way about music as well. Sometimes you almost feel that you’ve remember it instead of feeling it. I certainly feel that way about Bach. So I think that you do good in tuning into my essence because it really felt great to me and I’m extremely humbled and honored to have you do such a thing for me.

Oh yes, back to the plants. There are about five of them that Jim is going to put into the office. The clean air machine has passed the test of my naturopath and also a fellow that used to run a health food store who know everything that you would ever want to know about living healthy.

(Exchanges garden and plant info.)

Now, let’s see, what can I do to bring you up to date. Everything is really going along quite smoothly. I’ve not had withdrawal symptoms from doing the active church things that I was doing. I guess I was seduced into doing things that were really more of an effort than I should be making considering how I feel right now, because of the work ethic. You know, you just want to be of as much help as you can be and in this society people are measured by what they do and not who they are or what essence they bring to consciousness.

But I find myself perfectly willing and able to give it up because it’s the appropriate thing to do. I don’t even feel that I’m grieving for it—the only thing that will make me grieve is if I can’t sing in the choir because when you worship as part of the choir it really is a very powerful experience for me and one that I’d hate to lose, so I’ll keep on exercising, but probably every other day—at least three times a week, but staggering it so I don’t keep injuring this right shoulder.

(Carla speaks more of her upcoming schedule due to her bodily limitations.)

But if I have to give that up too, it doesn’t so much feel that I’m giving up anything as that I’m clearing away whatever the Creator has in mind for the next—which is not anything I’d expected to feel really, because I’m very chauvinistic about the Episcopalian Church. It’s the refuge of doubters, intellectuals, and thoughtful people of all kinds, especially the mystics, and it does not require that you believe anything, but merely that you continue to try to study the holy scripture and so forth, to try to discern for yourself what truth is in the Bible, what truth is in the story, and of course, the story itself is an extremely powerful myth, so whatever level you want to take that on it works just great.

We’ll have a Bach Society concert on Palm Sunday which is next Sunday, which is why I’m going to be singing Monday night, Friday night, Saturday morning at Bach Society and then the performance which will last two plus hours plus about an hour of riding back and forth.

(Most of this letter is a personal letter to a friend—goes on to subject of channeling.)

I do want to sound a word of warning here—Never believe in the authority of anything, including what I say or what anyone says until it has been checked out by your own feelings—by any analytical help that you may need but you don’t have the expertise yourself.

If I did all the things that people tell me to get well, that’s all I’d do, all day, every day, and I don’t think Jim could take that. Although I do try the things to see if they work—we just don’t stick with them if they don’t work. Nothing much has worked—I think I’m pretty well stuck with arthritis. My purpose for it is benign and I don’t think there needs to be any suffering involved. It’s painful, but if I can just flow with the pain and accept it and dull it to a certain extent by taking pain medication then I can continue being cheerful and continuing doing all kinds of things that I really like to do.

So I feel blessed. And I truly do hope that T comes to stay with us, because we could use the money and the payoff here is not really the money—I can manage on what we’ve got—extra would be great—but more importantly, Jim needs his freedom. He’s one of these people that was never touched by marriage. He’s the only person I know that did not change his attitude. The reason was he had of his own accord, by his own decision, made a lifelong commitment to me—marriage or no marriage.

About two and a half years after Don died I started realizing that there were other males in this world that I might be interested in as partners—somebody to work with for a goal that’s bigger than both of us, so Jim proposed and I guess he was coming to the same conclusion: “Well, we’re here together for life so we may as well be respectable, and also Jim always knew I wanted a big church wedding, and I did, I had a glorious, beautiful wedding. It was really fun.

But marriage usually makes men feel trapped. Jim hasn’t felt that way, because he was feeling trapped beforehand because he couldn’t leave me overnight. Now this was something I could never get through to him. If I fell on the floor in the middle of the night and was not able to dial 911 from one of the five telephones in the middle of this house, then he should probably just let me go anyway. (Laughs)

But just the fact that T, though he won’t be here much at all because he’s got his own girlfriend that has her own house, and he goes out and eats and works and works out—does lifting, takes all kinds of Tai Chi classes and so forth—he would come home here to sleep and that would mean that if something happens in the middle of the night he would be here to help me with it.

Well, as far as I’m concerned, it’s a crock. I can be by myself just as well as anybody else, I just need a little preparation help to get some food together so I don’t have to use my hands in the kitchen.

So if Tom moved in Jim would have the absolute freedom to come and go as he pleased and spend as much time in the wilderness on Avalon that he’s spent so much time renovating and that’s what I want for him because that’s what makes him happy.

Right now he ‘s giving up a couple of days a week helping a friend do stonework. The guy is trading Jim the work for the house plans of the place where we’re eventually going to build a house up on Avalon. I would prefer not to do that for a long long time—at least a decade. I think Jim basically agrees with me on that.

God bless, sister, and thank you, thank you, thank for all your generosity. I hope things go blessedly well for you and your path may shine with light,

Lots of Love,

Carla

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