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Carla’s Niche

Carla’s Letter Tapes

CAVEAT: Warning! These letters have not been edited by Carla. Expect errors.

Letter to P

May 9, 1990

Dear P,

The material that we have at L/L Research on the nature of divinity and how it manifests itself in human sexuality is substantial and even perhaps somewhat overwhelming as one must grasp an entire cosmology to see the nuances of the importance of sexual energy exchanges. However, I asked Jim if he had written about the work that we were doing. We consider the basic research that we are doing to be research on ourselves and so every portion of our life comes under scrutiny. We are not trying to plan it. We do not go through the processes of formulating formal hypotheses, testing them, replicating the tasks, etc. Rather, our material is antidotal by choice because I feel if one is to be a scientist, one must deal with things with objective reference. But scientists do not have instrumentation for dealing with abstract theories with which one can do nothing and which one cannot prove.

So I do not expect that you will find it of much illumination in the sense that you can use it in any provable evidential way. However, because part of Jim’s and my life is our instant life, I being very much an observer, have over the years watched any very discernible shift in the subjectively felt, sacramental nature of the love- making experience and I believe that when a couple is mated and is not in an adversary relationship, which most mated relationships to some extent are, it is possible for them by use of the sexual sharing and exchange of energy, to find a path to the opening of the body to Intelligent Infinity or just put in another vocabulary which is more prejudicial, to have an immediate experience of the Logos, the Godhead, the Creator. That direct and immediate experience is concomitant with the experience of orgasm.

The stages that this learning seems to have gone through so far for us and as hypothesized by me into the future is as follows: People at first are simply infatuated with each other. It is as mysterious as all life is, but it certainly is not an unexpected occurrence. The desire to touch and be touched is endemic to the species. The need to perpetuate the species is one of our strongest instincts and so it is nothing short of elegant and logical that sexual attractiveness works, even when one is not looking for such to occur. That is the first stage.

Then there are a series of retrograde stages, depending on the blockages or fears (fears block energy) of either or both of the mated pair having to do with the fear of being consumed by the relationship or subsumed by it. Or the fear of losing the other partner, which is an opposite fear, but both have to do with possession. Both block energy, which could be used for spiritualizing the sexual experience. It may take years for the trust level between a mated pair to be such that the pair is able simply to be and to experience the feelings of the immediate event while it is taking place. For years one goes through fantasizing, planning the dinner menu during an odd moment, losing concentration, fairly harmless intrusions, but certainly not aiming towards a sacramental nature in sexuality.

In the case of Jim and me, there was a point at which the trust level had reached the point where we could be ourselves with each other in this intimacy and it is a very vulnerable state, so it takes a good deal of absolute, unmitigated gullibility almost to be willing to accept so high a trust level that one is able to be truly intimate. That simple open intimacy is sacramental in nature. But it is only the beginning of a sacrament.

What has happened to me since the trust level became greater and what has happened to Jim are two different things. I can describe mine authentically. I can describe Jim’s only as second-hand.

I have found my own sexuality growing much deeper. My experiences of desire, delight in the play of love-making and the intensity of the pleasure that I feel throughout the experience to be on the increase. I have found this increase to be gradually more and more ever since we began our relationship some ten years ago. Furthermore, and this just began happening I would say about three years ago, instead of having a normal orgasm, which would be several contractions and a great deal of pleasure that would last several seconds—I wouldn’t want to put a stop-watch on it!—I began to continue to have pleasurable orgasmic spasms for a longer and longer period of time. As time went on from that point, perhaps two years ago I started not only having this happen to me, I also discovered that I could have this happen to me again almost immediately so that I was not only having perhaps 200 spasms within an orgasm, but would turn right around in 30 seconds and do it again.

I believe Jim once counted off 5 minutes by the clock while I was involved in this rather grand exchange. About a year ago I started spontaneously to pray during orgasm. Usually I would be praying to Adonai. I am an Episcopalian. There are certain songs and written songs and Bible quotes, etc., and just from the Book of Common Prayer, phrases that are second nature in my mind and often times I will say a prayer that has been written down rather than saying something spontaneously. My brain is basically on muscle memory at that point anyway and that is what comes out, the muscle memory of some canticle, it is called in church that is sung so often as the Morning Prayer.

I believe that at some point in the future (this is sheer hypothesis), both partners will become moved sacramentally to this extent and are able to share this experience so that it becomes a true sacrament, a true Eucharist with praise, prayer and thanksgiving quite fervently offered without any conscious intent. This extreme degree of diversion, adoration and worship, not of the act itself, but of the divinity that is pursued through this gift. There is eventually the opening to the immediate experience of the creation being created. In other words, it is my hypothesis that the steady state of the universe, even in its active phase, is that which we tamely term love, but which has the creative force and intensity of orgasm in a steady state. I am not saying that this is the only way to experience the Creator in an immediate sense. I am saying that this is one way, a legitimate way and not a way that is involved in a good deal of hocus pocus. It basically has to do with a higher and higher level of trust and faith and love of each other. In each other’s faith, we begin to glimpse a consciousness of divinity and, therefore, in sharing the experiences with each other, that divinity becomes known to us.

I offer this for what it is worth. I have hopefully many years ahead of me to refine my observations in this area and actually have intended to write out my autograph on the subject at some point just before I die so that when it came out people wouldn’t come around saying, “Tell us about sex.” Being already almost 50, I really don’t come off too well as a Jackie Collins type. And am basically a spiritually oriented, metaphysical researcher. As you can see from the books Jim sent you, I have been the channel for them. And that is the kind of work that I do.

Well all sorts of luck on your book and I have no objection to being quoted or for you to use my ideas and giving L/L some sort of nod and the cited source of some seed idea that I have given you that you will be able to pursue with much more regularity and sanctity care. May your work be blessed.

Cheerio, Love and Light,

Carla

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