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Carla’s Niche

Carla’s Letter Tapes

CAVEAT: Warning! These letters have not been edited by Carla. Expect errors.

Letter to Thunderbirds

May 9, 1990

Good Morning, Thunder Birds,

I do not have the review of the Channeling Handbook in front of me due to the fact that my partner in crime is extraordinarily neat. Furthermore, I never know where his neatness has led him and I don’t know where he is filing copies of your Prodigal, therefore, I must needs thank you in a more general way for the kind words which it would, if believed, cause all my hats to look like Porky Pig.

Not to worry, though, I don’t believe a word of it. I practice every day so that I can get a little bit better. I can’t imagine someone calling me “the best channeler ever”. Nice words to hear, they don’t fit into my computer, but I’ll work on it, I suppose I could have worse things to do.

Since I don’t have the material in front of me I will be very brief, for me. I thought the acuity and the cogency of the points made about the book, about channeling and so forth, were top notch, and found it very interesting to be on the receiving end of someone who had gotten my points and was explaining them back to me in language that perhaps I would not have used, but which certainly eliminated for me what I had already said and gave me perhaps a new vocabulary in saying it to people who are not able to hear what I have to say with the vocabulary I use.

I have found that the greatest challenge, not only in channeling, but in doing the extensive work that I do in trading notes from the road, to colleagues along that path of spiritual seeking. One must be extraordinarily sensitive to the nuances of people’s vocabularies because a word in one person’s vocabulary would be emotionally neutral; in another person’s vocabulary it will be a word of power. Usually, the power is negative.

For instance: Jesus, sin, God. I don’t like to say, etcetera, because I think it is a fuzzy and lazy addition to the list, so I will let your imagination take you where it will. There are many words that need a synonym, depending on with whom you are speaking. And so many of the people who write me are writing me from far left field somewhere, not with their brains extraordinarily tightly wrapped and full of logic circuitry, but rather with part of the circuitry blown either, logic, or love, or one of the energy centers. I get a lot of meaty letters and these are the people that you have to think carefully about writing because of the vocabulary problems.

At any rate, I do thank you for giving me a new slant, some new vocabulary, on the ideas that I was presenting. I appreciate extremely that it was emphasized that the book was not an invitation to channel, but rather a very minatory book designed to discourage it, and then to hold out some clues as to how to get the show on the road if you were already doing it anyway.

It simply takes a life, that’s all. You commit yourself to a certain kind of life and if it gives you joy then you have found freedom, and I am free as a bird, perhaps even a Thunderbird.

In general, sorry that I don’t have the stuff in front of me, obviously I cannot speak to each word and thought and paragraph, but in my little fuzzy brain I remember that there was a good long section on the role of the martyr being often congruent with the role of the vocal channel. Of course, this is also true of those who follow any muse—I feel a great kinship with people like Janice Joplin for instance. When you try to be all that you can be and you try to give it all, no matter what the focus is, no matter what your muse, I think you are, in a way, and this is not an emotionally mutual word, martyring yourself.

To pull the context and the wording back to a more general vocabulary, I would ask you to consider the verb “to spend”. You can spend money, you can spend time, there’s that very nice song, years ago: (Carla sings) “You can spend all your time makin’ money, you can spend all your love makin’ time, you can all go to pieces tomorrow, you used to be mine.”

Yes, love that song, and I think that’s basically the point. We all spend ourselves, but how dear do we hold our own coinage? I hold it quite highly. I try to use it as intensely and passionately as possible. I do try to have a ball and I do not feel that I am a martyr because the path of service that I accepted happened to be very draining as some paths of service are. As I said, I feel very akin to Janice Joplin. One of my favorite songs of all times in rock and roll is the song by Steely Dan and I cannot sing the whole thing to you, but the two lines that really get me are: “I cried when I wrote this song, sue me if I play too long, and drink Scotch whiskey all night long and die behind the wheel.”

There’s passion in those words and I hope there is passion enough in me to encompass this little life, this tiny shadow on eternity.

I did not set out with the Ra contact to wipe myself out. I had been channeling consciously for some time since 1974, and the drain had not been noticeable, although I was getting less well and I was becoming more confined because of arthritis problems. I didn’t link the two together, and it took Ra, basically, to put it together for me.

I, left to myself, would be doing hospice work, and loving AIDS patients and being in my own way active in the mundane world. (I don’t believe there is a mundane world.)

So I think in order to get around that open heart, the Creator and my higher self planned carefully for me to be limited to the extent that I was going to commit myself to a life of contemplation.

Well, life has whittled me down pretty good so I believe I’ve chosen a life of contemplation. It is a well-furnished cave—food, rock and roll and sex are laid on, forget the drugs (laughs). I couldn’t have it better, it’s just great—I do have some aches and pains and right now I’m in the middle of an horrendous couple of weeks of “well, what shall we do first, work on her neck or work on her belly.” I’ve got something wrong with my insides and they haven’t been able to narrow it down to one, count them, one diagnosis—I’ve had about three, so within the next couple of weeks I’ll probably know what the deal is with hospitalization and so forth.

And of course, there’s always the temptation to go “Oh, poor Moi—how sorry I feel for myself I’m going to have to go through all this pain.” Actually, that hasn’t tempted me much. I did have a very serious talk with the Creator about it. I said to him: “Creator”, I said, “what the fuck are you doing with me?” Because, I had worked in my church for 22 years. It takes a long time to begin to be effective as an active leader in the church. I’ve never been able to be an Indian. I’ve never had a strong physical vehicle, but I work well as a chief anyway, but you don’t ask 23 year olds to be a chief, and if they can’t be an Indian, then they’re just going to have to sing in the choir and bide their time, which I did, and by last year was functioning as a spokesperson for our entire diocese, our Episcopal diocese of Kentucky—held a few offices here and there. As a matter of fact I had to write twelve notes of resignation and get myself off various boards all connected with church work—AIDS connected, clothes for people that didn’t have them, food for people who were hungry, that kind of thing.

But it occurred to me right early that what was happening in terms of function was that a lot of time and space was being cleared out for me. I was not any longer going to be working about an hour a day on church work. I did keep my prayer group because I felt that was part of my ministry that didn’t have a lot to do with Christianity, I just believe in prayer, and I still am in the choir and the Bach Society—both very classy musical groups, because I so love to sing Bach, Brahms, Beethoven, Bach Bach, Bach (laughs) mostly Bach, but everything else was gone—I couldn’t do it.

I couldn’t sit up and I thought to myself, “hey, this could be when a whole new vista opens before me and I’m beginning to learn a new lesson. Maybe I’m done with this particular lesson and it’s time to go on and learn a deeper lesson.

Any path that you work, including Christianity, as you know and said so well, will yield you this kind of initiatory experience from time to time. It’s never a tragedy; it looks like a big hoo-ha because you have to go through some pain when you’re changing programs. I don’t begrudge life that. That’s the way the old bio-computer works. I have been struck by the old two by four spiritually too many times to wonder at it, and in general I have just not gotten upset by all of this yet. I don’t feel that I’m on my way out. Nature is not saying “check please.” Nature is just saying “would you like your next course?” I think. Now if Nature is going to check me out, fine, I’m done. But I don’t think I’m done here.

So I hope that addresses in some part your idea about the questionability of doing the kind of work that vocal channeling is. It is demanding and exhausting on the body, but you do spend your time in some coin or another your whole life. And the coins that I have been able to come up to me are very precious, and it makes me rejoice and give thanks that I’ve been able to spend those coins; to make of my life something beautiful.

I have a keen love of esthetics and have always wanted to live my life as a poem. Most people don’t even make it to bad prose. I had this feeling that I was like Milton blindly pounding on the floor while he got out blank verse in iambic pentameter.

Well, I’m very grateful for what I’ve been able to do.

One other thing I want to address that was in the review, is the possibly true notion that my job is done. That with the Ra contact gone, and Ra themselves warned Don, Jim and me, never to attempt to contact Ra without the three of us together—when that contact ended, basically my life was fulfilled and my mission was accomplished, as they say on “old” television.

I thought that through for a while—that’s a deep one. It’s easy to think after doing something that is spectacular, and I know as well as anybody else when I see something that is spectacular—that anything else you might do will never measure up and will never be any good, that’s easy, but I don’t think it’s correct. I channeled quite a few years before the Ra contact—that information was of a good deal of use in “The Secrets of the UFOs” and could not have been written without it—at least in the way it was written, with lots of input from our cosmic gang.

Since then, I have never stopped channeling—I channel every Sunday night and practice everyday after our morning offering. Jim and I compromise—he’s gets to read the Ra Material and then I get him to read the bible too, then we read from a third source. We read three books each time. Then we have a silent meditation and a prayer or hymn and some channeling practice. It’s a nice thing to do together and it is a wonderful luxury to be able to do it.

At any rate, it seems to me, and let me put this as carefully as I can. It seems to me that the material that I received before the Ra contact was fairly clear for the LCD of this world. No matter who you were and what your background was, if you could read you could understand “The Secrets of the UFOs”.

The Ra contact was one in which the contact used English with such exquisite precision, that people tended not to be able to read it, because they would get stuck on words rather than going for the concept—at least that’s what I think happened. Of course I myself was at the dictionary off and on through the whole thing—once I was allowed to read it. I wasn’t allowed to read it for the first 26 sessions because Don was afraid that it would pollute the contact but Ra finally gave me permission saying it wouldn’t matter one whit since I was there anyway.

At this point I am channeling fairly advanced information by my estimate. It is channeled while I am conscious, but not very. I don’t remember what I have done—I know I’m awake and I think I could be editorial if something was coming through that sounded wrong, but I am actually simply involved in the mechanics of delivering the best clothing that the concepts that I receive can have, given my life experience and vocabulary.

So I think in that latter day channeling I have struck a group that is the mid media between those who eat the Ra Material for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and love it, and those who write me and say “I can’t read that—please just send me “Secrets of the UFOs” and I’ll sit in the dark. Well, I could be wrong, that’s okay. I’m still learning, and that’s one of your basic functions in life, I think. If you’re not learning, then you’re unlearning—you don’t stay static, ever.

So I press on. I don’t feel like I’m doing it in vane, or that my useful life has ended or that in any way I have been put out to pasture. I do think that what has happened is that more and more the observer parts of myself are analyzing various transactions between my energy and the energy of the people I teach; my energy and the energy of the contact; my energy and the energy of the circle, which forms on Sunday nights. I’m totally unknown in [Lowell?] so usually, it’s either Jim, K. H. and I, who comprise the group, or the three of us plus somebody from out of town who has driven half way across the country to come to a meditation.

I don’t know if this material will ever see the light, but then that’s not my job. I’m not in sales, I’m in production. I don’t have to worry about that (laughs). Somebody else can worry about disseminating this information and judging its worth.

I don’t think God gives us gifts that have an ending. I think he intends for us to change and to grow and to have our seasons of epiphany and to be open about all those things for the love of the one infinite Creator. That you walk this earth as a witness of love—love that doesn’t fear change; that doesn’t fear the ending of something and think, “oh well, there goes my life—I’m not useful any more.” This is not something I would agree with for anyone under any circumstances.

If you’re alive then you haven’t finished your work. If you’re alive, then you go on. I think it’s pretty simple.

So, I just wanted to say those few things. That was the inner part of the sandwich—I started with thanks and I would like to end with thanks. You all have been extraordinarily kind—both to my channeling and to my writing. I have a prejudice against my own writing because I must write on tape. My writing style used to be more dense and crystallized and words were used with much more style. The nature of tape causes one to be somewhat chatty and I think I’ve out chatted Wordsworth by now in my tape letters. Pardon me if you don’t think Wordsworth is chatty.

I really appreciate your appreciate—it means a lot. You are obviously colleagues of mine and I think recognition from one’s peers is always the most appreciated.

If there is a subject on which you would wish an article written and you feel that I would be the one to write the article, I seldom, if ever, turn someone down, when it comes to sharing my thoughts about something about which I have actually had some experience—that includes stuff like phenomena, the psychic surgery syndrome, Christianity, psychic reading, and I make a helluva Bouillabaisse though I haven’t cooked in ten years.

On that note, I shall say au revoir. It growith late. It’s almost 6:00 am—I like the early morning very much.

God bless you and your work, and drop me a note if I can do anything to help you at all I would be most happy to. You’re doing some fine work yourself.

Y’all take care.

Love and Light,

Carla

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