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Carla’s Niche

Carla’s Letter Tapes

CAVEAT: Warning! These letters have not been edited by Carla. Expect errors.

Letter to S

May 27, 1990

Dear S,

Top of the morning to you. This is Carla answering your letter. It truly is the top of the morning. It is just a few minutes before—I have had some rather substantial health problems facing me and sometimes I can’t sleep because somehow the pain seems to get larger in the night hours and I find that if I take pain medication, it works the opposite way and keeps me awake.

I have found the early, early morning to be quiet, and peaceful, and alive, unlike the dusk and the dawn when there is a hush over everything and the night is putting itself to rest and the morning is stretching and waking up, and vice versa. On the other hand, the night seems to be alive with a really lovely energy, a quiet nurturing energy, which is good with this kind of work because I am flapping my gums a lot and I don’t bother anybody but myself. I don’t want to speak loudly to wake up the whole household. I haven’t even stirred the cats.

I am going to address your letter piece by piece, so it will be rather piecemeal, as it were, but you spoke first about feeling a kind of recognition with me, feeling a sharing. Actually a lot of people do. I think it is because when I am holding your paper, this is the reason that I have people write me for it is a lot faster for me to read things than listen to them, and I still have two hours to go before tomorrow when the new mail comes; and my in-laws are here and there is a meditation tomorrow night. I think we have two guests coming from out-of-state to put up also. Anyway it will be a crowded day, but it will be a pleasant one. Channeling days always are.

If people come from out-of-town, they bring wonderful energy with them and I like to work with them because of their intentions, they being here to develop quite a bit of energy. My energy tends to be in negative numbers, if you really look to the left. But when I speak on tape, I really feel as if I am speaking to the person. I don’t see a person. It is just that I am basically a theoretical person myself. I don’t have to see. I can’t see very well.

Thank you extremely much for sending me the tape to tape on, and please pardon my squeaky machine. I just cleaned and de-magnetized the heads again. I don’t know what else to oil. You know, I am just not hep on all kinds of gear. I don’t do very well with it. I tend to break about one tape a quarter a year and I don’t even handle them. I use plastic pins and stuff to push the buttons down. There is some kind of weird energy in my hands that breaks the poor things after a while and they don’t work right. I feel kind of sorry and I hope you don’t mind the little squeaks of sound that may be coming into your audio.

I’ll be glad to talk to you to the extent of my opinion, but I want you to remember that I am only sharing opinions with a colleague. I don’t mind being considered a teach/learner since I have been working in this field since ‘62 and as a channel since ‘74, but every person has his own answers and he will recognize those answers, and it is like a shoe fits or doesn’t fit. If it doesn’t fit, toss it aside. It is not for you. So I will be glad to share my thoughts on the subjects that you ask.

Your next letter has got me in on how you got started channeling and I work with enough people that I am sorry to say I have forgotten whether you learned as being part of a group. I think that is what happened. It is easier in some ways to work with people like that, easier in some ways to work with people who are already channels and who simply have not had the ideas of tuning and challenging put to them. So I am coming at you sideways here because, in my opinion, channeling is a kind of a lay ministry. That is a ministry done not by priests, but by colleagues of the people with whom they are speaking.

“By those who are on the spot” is one of my favorite phrases so my thoughts about money, in my own world, have been that when Don Elkins died, he left enough of a trust and a paid-for house that I can kind of scooch by. I don’t charge. The metaphysical reason for my not charging, and the compelling one for me, is that that means that all of my answers are equal. I will work as hard for the prisoner or the person who has no money to send as I will with the person who would be willing to pay $100 for my opinion, and there are lots of them.

I recently went through a real crisis of money or no money because I was recently told that I would be confined for the rest of my life to bed rest, which, I, of course, have been in bed entirely. I know from experience that the rest of my body besides my spine will also become atrophied and unable to bear weight and swell up, etc. so I need to do a minimum amount of exercise. So I have to let the pain in the spine and the shoulders and the neck and head, etc. go and walk any way. And by that, I have managed to avoid the worse of what could have happened to the rest of my body.

But my reaction to the, what you might say, life sentence, was typical of a vain woman who isn’t very mature. I wanted pretty clothing to wear. I can’t wear anything around my middle because I have some other problems.

I’ve got about twenty pounds of something in my uterus and my bladder, which is either water, or blood, or infection, and I am not able to eat practically anything at this point and so I know I am going to be going down around with the allopathic priest and I may never be able to wear a belt again and right now, I really wouldn’t want to because my waist size has swelled from about a 23½ to about a 27 and since the rest of my dimensions are 36 and 36, we are now talking about the old middle-aged pot belly. And even though I am 47 years old, I have always been happy to be a person that looks a good deal like a dancer, all arms, and legs, and slender.

So I have this kind of vanity thing. If you charge a $100 per reading, which so many people do, and even more and don’t give appropriate care to their service, I could buy caftans, pretty ones, lots of them, I thought to myself. Okay, it is time to think this one through because it sounds pretty selfish. But I decided it really was worthwhile for me not to charge, but I do have income coming in and if you have to quit your job in order to channel, that is a very much demand already that you can’t do it in your spare time. Then I would say you should begin charging very little and charge more as you feel that you are gaining your expertise in giving readings.

I cannot know what precise kind of contact you have, if it is extra-terrestrial. If it is extra-terrestrial, the only kind of reading that you would be comfortable with is a more general reading because of the service-to-others polarities of their sources being so very fond of the rule of free will, so they be detuned by the questions about money and what should I do tomorrow? And what about this, that and the other? What they are looking for, as I can see that you know already from your writing, are spiritual principles that apply not only to the question asked, but to a universe of that kind of questions so that basically you are a person that is the transmitter of tools and resources for people who wish to live a spiritually conscious life.

I think you will be able to feel, as you become more capable of moving into the energy of the person, with whom you are dealing. There are other lessons to be learned in channeling also. Compassion is a big one. Preparation for doing channeling whether it is free or for money has a good deal to do with getting yourself straightened out. I imagine you have the channeling handbook already, but if you don’t, you probably ought to get it. Let me know if you need it. Although there is that European stuff already written down. So what I would do, I would work that job until it was hitting you over the head with a two-by-four that I would have to quit the job. I don’t believe in astral paralysis. Let’s put it that way. Promises that somebody will come into my life to support me and partner me, etc. This is not acceptable, this information. It may be true. It may not be true. The point is, it is not trustworthy. It is too personal and it deals with prophecy and these are two things you want to watch out for. Specific personal information and specific prophecy even with the most positively-oriented channels. This sort of channeling will be tuned to an instrument.

Now there are some people, and I think mostly those who are of the spiritualist type groups, where the inner planes type can go across and all of that and inner planes have as much right to give their opinion as anybody else. And they are not infringing on anybody’s free will because they used to live here and they are just neighbors. They don’t happen to have a body right now. However, you have to be very careful about whom you hook up with because there about as many discarnate entities as there are advanced incarnate entities and you want the best, the purest and the highest contact that you can get.

So you must let yourself be who you are, whether you are a believer in talking to little Harry, or whether you are a believer in offering people spiritual resources on their own journeys. And then working towards tuning to the very, very best that you can, and channeling as it comes to you, and then what you hope is sacred and what you would die for. It is a life’s ministry. If you do this work, you are doing it for life. This is a commitment of permanent stature, or it is a parlor game, and I don’t think that there is a bit of a parlor game in telling it all. So, as you grow and as you learn, you’ll have to charge enough to live on.

And that is why we recommend keeping on with your support group until you feel that you are channeling. You have got to be, on the one hand, deadly serious about your tuning for the channeling, and your preparation, and your cleansing and your protection.

On the other hand, once you have cleansed yourself in one way or another—for the Ra contact, I cleansed myself by actually taking a bath, and getting a massage, and doing a full-scale meditation, and thoroughly cleansing the room that we were working in, etc. The people whom I am working with now are people that I work with consciously and so I do a metabolic cleansing. I go to the bathroom. I brush my teeth, wash my hands and pray. And I pray to speak only God’s truth. Basically I pray that I know I am not worthy. Nobody is, but I channel for truth, and light, and love, and beauty, the highest I can safely carry. And I get myself into a position where I have very purified emotions about what I am about to do. But when entities come to me and say, “I am so and so,” I say, “I challenge you in the name of Jesus Christ.” Being a Christian, that is my challenge. I am very serious about it and when I send the challenge, that person has been challenged. You’d never believe it. Then I let go. I release it. And I don’t have one more care about it.

You have got to get yourself to the point where there isn’t any fear because you are not going to have to say anything on your own. That is not your business. Your business is to hook up to the right contact. Spirits can speak for themselves. Sometimes they’ll do things like pause for 30 seconds. This can throw you into a lot of panic if you are not used to it. Sometimes they will say several nonsense words and then say to the group, “I did this because it is channeled so that you would be aware that this channel is simply speaking my words.” They will do all kinds of things, depending on who is in the group and what dynamics there are. Where are the energies working in the group?

So I would say, don’t start channeling for other people (and don’t charge) until you have enough experience that you honestly are not afraid, and you trust the process, and you are willing to do your utmost to do your part in it, and you are perfectly willing to let the channel contact give you the concepts that that contact gives. All of the work of the channel is done before the channeling begins. Once the channeling begins, you really don’t have any idea of the passage of time. You are too busy with the mechanics of channeling. You get these concepts. You have got to clothe them in some kind of words. If you stop and ponder too long, you drop balls. You get all screwed up. You have to keep saying what you are getting and you don’t generally get words. You generally get concepts, which are actually much more accurate than words. And that is why it is particularly valuable for people who are articulate, which you obviously are.

Never charge to the point where you can buy a Rolls Royce, and a country home and be apart from people who are paying for psychic readings. It would not be likely to happen anyway, but charge when there is not enough in the practice for you to live on by doing this. Charge modestly, then more and more as you become more acute and more of a channel. It has been very interesting to me through the years that I used to get 5-minute, 10-minute messages. Down through the years those messages have gotten longer. The trouble that I have now is shutting the channel off, because if I go too long, it is too long to put in J’s Light Lines and we don’t know what to do with it because generally the channeling that I receive are somewhat closely reasoned and it is difficult to edit out this and that and have the thing still make a lot of coherent sense.

I think what we do when we begin is, we drop a lot of balls, but we keep on going. And so we miss out on nuances and ramifications of main concepts. We go from main concept to main concept and I miss out on the nuances in-between. As we become more relaxed and more able to let it happen, which is basically a kind and polite way of saying, “Lay your ass on the line and don’t worry about whether you are a fool or not.” Anybody that talks without knowing what he is going to say is obviously an idiot, so you are in a position of not being what the society would call a real wise being because you don’t have any control. Control would be planned on planet earth.

We have control all right, but your control has been about contacting the right person. After that, we just let it happen so when you feel that this is the way that you are, then you may start to charge if you have enough people to have a practice. If you don’t charge anyway, or charge modestly like I said, and wait for the amount of money to become enough, there is no sense in pushing destiny around. It will knock you on the head with a big stick when it wants you to do something. There is nothing subtle about what we call the Holy Spirit, what we call guidance, whatever. If it wants us to do something, you’ll know it. And you won’t be able to do much else.

So you are absolutely right to have mixed feelings about money. It is not money itself. It is the greed. The love of money is the problem. What are you going to spend the money for? Where does having enough stop and having nice things begin? It is a ministerial problem. In this culture, priests, be they learned or lay, are not as highly valued as the scientist priests, the doctor priests, the lawyer priests. So be it. We are the ones who chose that, are responsible for that.

What I am urging you to do is to do what feels comfortable. To be conservative. To feel that you are giving value if you charge money. Full value for the money you charge. Then, you need not feel uncomfortable about it. The only other reason that I have for not charging is a way of protecting the material. If you charge somebody, the more you charge the person, the more the person will think they have to listen to what you are going to say. The more importance he will attach because he’s put money into this gig. If we haven’t charged the person anything, he can listen to it or throw it away. He hasn’t paid for it. If he is special, he will listen and you will have made available to him what he needs to hear. If he is just a dilettante cruising the supermarket of spiritual goodies, he’ll gobble you up like everything and then move on. And that is the freedom that money not charged gives you. The freedom to be ignored by people who are not ready to listen to the truth. It is the pearls before swine.

You are absolutely right. There are definitely people that it is not safe to be opened to psychically. It is difficult for me to tell that in advance, so I do a lot of protection. I pray, I sing, I use the Lord’s Prayer, I use the prayer of St. Francis. I envision my own bodily protection, counting up all the chakras and making sure they are working. Surrounding myself with violet and the red mixed together for body protection, and then asking the white light to surround me as a whole group. I invoke the archangels.

(There is an interlude here where Carla describes her cat and its history, which has just joined her.)

I use a lot of protection and the protection there is great, especially if you happen to believe in archangels. Your protection is going to have to be that which you feel is protective, but keep in mind that life is risky and that there will be difficult times where you are greeted by negative energies and the answer to that is always to love them, and to pray for them in sincerity and whole-heartedness for they, too, are you.

Your set-up things are very, very good. It is very difficult for a 3-person group if the male is sexually active and would like to be sexually active with both females. Because obviously you don’t want to upset your friend. Perhaps I can put a little light on the subject. Any group, whether it is 3, 4 or a dozen or 100, that is going through the process of opening up the heart chakra to unconditional love will fall in love with everybody else. Everybody loves everybody unconditionally. It is an incredible feeling. And it is interpreted as sexual because the entire nature of the universe is sexual. God created us that may be thought of as sexual or not sexual. It is, however, in my mind sexual, not that He created us by means of having some sort of sexual relationship with Himself, but that He joined this pure or inactivated self, which is Love, with free will, and He made His bond, which produced one single entity. That is why we are all unique. We all were bonded with a different free will because free will is never the same and Love is always the same.

The whole creation has the passion and intensity of orgasm. The joy is inexpressible. The energy is inexhaustible. No matter how people describe their experiences of the immediate presence of the Creator, they can’t do justice to it in words because it is so powerful, any more than we can tell somebody what it feels like to have orgasms, only to have it last longer than usual. You almost think you can’t stand the pleasure, but the whole universe has that much joy. So unconditional love brings that joy and it feels sexual because it is sexual.

Sexual doesn’t mean that you have to do anything about it. Sexual just means if your heart chakra is totally open, you are receiving the full energies around you, male and female.

I was, because of Don’s chastity, celibate for six of the sixteen years in my relationship. I tried celibacy for two years when we first got together and was not good at it at all. I was very sexually-oriented. I had a strong sex drive. I really wanted to be with someone instantly. He was also a very, very good friend. I was fortunately enough to have a number of very, very good friends who had been with me forever since college, and this was six or seven years later and they had watched me go through a very difficult marriage to a rather difficult person without saying or doing anything particularly about it, and thought that I was a pretty good kid. They wanted to get into a sexual relationship with a comforting person. And I am a listener and it is good for people. People really enjoy that.

So for me, it was a matter of talking to Don about it. He was celibate, but he didn’t think I should be. He was a very wise man, a great man. I mean that literally like Abe Lincoln was a great man, and he said, “I want you to have a ball. You shouldn’t make a monk of yourself because I am. You are not like me. Have a ball. I don’t want to know who he is.” So we had to deal with it because he had to know who he is. I don’t live a hidden life.

My life is an open book. The IRS, the Russians, everybody knows my business. I like it that way. Then I don’t have to think of what it was I did. I never get caught up in anything because I never lie. I don’t keep things hidden. I am a wonderful confidante because I forget everything. I just say, I can’t remember what you told me in your last letter. If I talk to you enough times, you will become very real to me and I will remember your entire story. This is our second tape and in the first tape, as I recall, you simply said that you wanted to get into communication with me. That is what I remember.

At any rate, I made a deal with Don and I said, “Look. I am a very monogamous person. I am not going to make love with a lot of people, but I want to tell you with whom I am going to make love before the event, and then I will tell you when it is over.”

He said, “Okay,” very reluctantly, but I was always very insistent. The reason for that was that I didn’t want him to be prey to this nitwit gossipy type who can’t wait to run and tell the gossip. I wanted him to know first. So for six of those ten years I was with one person. The only reason I left him was because he wanted to get married. The only reason I left the other two people was because they wanted to get married. I would be very honest with them in the beginning and say, “I want to be your friend. I want to be your lover. I don’t want to fall into a primary relationship. I already have that. I simply would like to share this part of my life with you.” And they would think What a deal. This is quite a concept. This is a woman who doesn’t want the house on the hill and my paycheck. I can’t believe it. Then I would get trapped by the fact that I am a nice kid and they would eventually end up wanting to stay with me and have a family and be us. Now I wasn’t an us with anybody but Don.

Finally in 1988 after four years of abstinence, I just couldn’t find anybody who needed me as a person needing a woman. I am a great collector of stray cats, as you can see. I am that way about people. I specialize in late virgins. I think about the time I ran out of late virgins, I ran into early problems with people that I can really help, I am drawn to. And I was drawn to this particular person, Jim, whom I am with now. Don is really with me always, because Jim was quite a hermit. And so unable to make contact with another human being in any kind of a romantic way. He was intensely shy, intensely sensitive and had never had lasting relationships with a woman because of those things. I visually didn’t see him because I didn’t understand his problems. He would be trying to be polite and be kind, etc., but things didn’t work out for him. So he never had a real deep commitment relationship with a woman because it got too intense for him to live, and they couldn’t understand what was wrong with him.

So Jim was a stray dog of a kind, although he is good looking and a wonderful partner and he was perfect. He didn’t want my company. He was a hermit. He wanted to come down from his mountain ever once in a while and rape the village maiden. And that was fine with me. Don was gone half of the time and he would be with me whenever Don was gone and we had a lot of fun going places together and stuff. Don liked to stay at home with me, and just be with me, and have me in the same room with him, and channel for a living. So the two men wanted completely separate things from me, which would be neat. I have never heard of it before or since. I fulfilled one set of duties for one person and completely separate duties for the other.

Neither of them got a much tougher deal because not everybody stays in their net until they accept the celibacy and the sexuality of themselves.

As to your group, both of the other two need to go through the same process and, of course, cut out that red ray. The other woman is to be able not to fear and a man is not to expect, or criticize. This is very bad to a channel or to anyone with strong metaphysical identities because in the metaphysical world, gods are saints. So if you are fantasizing while masturbating, this is usually part of the celibate life, a very healthy part of it, don’t fantasize about anybody you know. Fantasize about a stranger, a movie star, somebody who is unattainable, unreal, or just realize that you are giving yourself a gift—that this gift is also being given to the Creator and is sacramental in nature. It is an experience of the creation, of the newly presence of love in its true form, its true passion, intensity and creativity.

There isn’t anything that is not sacred, but we do need to be disciplined about how we think about things.

Nine years of midwifery. My my. I saw a very interesting article about babies being born under water with the mother, I guess, in a squatting position and the baby coming out right into the warm water. And I thought, What a really, lovely way for a baby to enter what is otherwise a very cold, sterile world. No wonder they cry. And how wonderful it is to be picked up out of the warm water with a heated towel, a heated wash cloth and wiped all off and everything and placed on the mother’s stomach. And everything is just warm, and nice, and cozy and perhaps a little damp maybe. But I like the thought. I wonder if you have ever heard of that.

Yes, it is very difficult to get people to transcribe for you and it is difficult to transcribe. That is a set. If it were easy to transcribe, you’d get more people who were willing to do it. We had a wonderful transcriber for about 7 years and her husband retired this last six months ago and she has a new job. She is now a wife on the road with a conscious seeker who has bought a recreational vehicle and drives it all over the country going to various seminars. Obviously her computer is at home so she is not doing it for us anymore.

But we sort of have a third person at L/L again, although it is certainly not the same kind of energy that we had with Don. This third person is a person who wishes to be a servant of the group, but not a part of the channeling of the group. She does not wish to learn channeling my way. She does not wish to grade up to a greater power or to be willing to die for anything or anybody, yet she finds in her own materials, the only rest and truth that she has ever found and so she wants to help us out. So she is a different kind of third person and we really appreciate her. She doesn’t live with us, but she comes over quite a bit and transcribes for us. It takes about two sessions for one afternoon, which is incredible because a session can go as long as an hour and half. And her fingers just fly. She types, I think, a little bit fast than people speak.

Relax. It will happen. It will happen as it will happen. You do need to ask. Seek and ye shall find. You need to ask around. Let it be known that this is something that you need. I love the idea of a dual team member. Actually I was talking to a lady and both of them are channels that I do respect and the context I do respect. They are also different from each other and I said, “Wouldn’t it be neat if we could all get together and let them write a book?” A lot of people say, “How much longer is it the same between different sources?” Than this groupie business of saying, ‘This is right and this is wrong and does this compare with this, etc.’”

Which so many phenomena freaks are looking for. They are not looking for the basic spiritual purpose folks. They are looking nits to pick. So anyway, it is a wonderful idea. It looks like the spiritual path can be a pretty solid discussion.

You are talking about fear again. The fear of a nucleus of the energy of Ron. The only misuse that you can give it would be, if this is an outer entity, I gather, an extra-terrestrial in allowing it or asking it to answer specific questions. They can do that. If you tune to them, eventually you are talking to Ron, it feels like Ron, but it is actually a negative energy, pretending to be Ron and you see many, many groups can snuff it out. You say, “I ended up predicting the end of the world and the second coming of Christ,” and it doesn’t happen.

That is the only misuse. If you are careful in your preparation and scrupulous in your attempt to speak the concepts that you have been given, you are simply offering ideas and information. Nothing more. You are not trying to influence or persuade. Any thought of that needs to be completely wiped out. You are not a vegetable. You are a person who is glad to offer information to those who want it. That is all. And there is no harm in that.

As to beginning a guru, that whole trip is a real drag, isn’t it? All I can say is that you’ll end up getting used to it and saying very simply, “I am not a guru. I am a bozo. I swear, I fart, I go to the bathroom. Give me a break. Get me off the pedestal. I am one of you.” And eventually they will realize that I am part of the people and that Carla is a channel, but Carla is also a person. I am very earthy. I believe it has been called at one time or another a “ribald” type of person who gets a lot of pleasure out of people, and things, and saying things and hearing things. I love to sing. That is what I am planning to do. The only thing that I am still hoping to do is to worship and to sing. That is the bargaining phase that I am experiencing.

The first reaction that I had to being a guru was panic. I was so horrified that I thought maybe I would stop channeling. I have gradually lost my fear of being thought of as a guru because I now know that if a person sticks with me long enough, I will do something utterly gross, not intentionally, but just because I am a regular person like everybody else. I screw up. I may say the wrong thing. I may get in a dress; I mean there are many ways to screw up in this world. And I have no problem with any of them.

Once you realize that if you refuse to act like a guru, the person would have a heck of a time treating you like a guru. Then I realized that I did have some control of the situation. That I was going to have to be a patient person. Now some people need a guru badly enough that if you won’t be their guru, they’ll just leave. That is fine too.

Right relationships to contact and cover basically? I say you want the highest, the best source that you are able channel. You don’t want one higher than that because you can blow your circuits. You don’t want one lower than that because you want to do your best, so naturally you start out with a contact. Once you have challenged that contact, then you are a tuned space that you are in, in accepting that contact. You have a basic metaphysical harmony and respect that is mutual. As you work with that channel more and more, you will come to have a deep fondness and affection for your contact. Never let that cause you to drop your tuning and challenging techniques. If anything, the more fond you are, and get in contact with your contact, the more firmly and fervently you need to challenge that contact. Because if you like that contact and get into, you might skip a few steps of your own ways of preparing. Because you are going to get there. Slow down. Spend the time in prayer. Spend the time in preparation. Do whatever it is you feel makes you a clean, new, open, loving, hallowed out channel that will be able to hook up with the highest and best contact that you can safely handle.

You will eventually find yourself very, very fond of your brothers and sisters of sorrow who come to help us. They have personalities. They have a sense of humor and they feel very different, one from another. It is a very enjoyable procedure. Sometimes a very beautiful one. I sometimes feel sorry for the people who can’t feel the energy that is passing through them because it really is beautiful sometimes.

Now in relation to the participants, you have no responsibility to them except to do your best. If by some chance this is a day in which you run into somebody in the circle who isn’t truly wanting to get a contact, then you won’t get a contact because they believe in free will. It is not your responsibility. Just say, “I’m sorry. I’m not getting anything.” You have to remain unattached to any outcome. You have to give up any responsibility to the people except to do your best. You don’t owe them a psychic demonstration. You owe them your best.

I once had a big circle. Everybody was really, really keen on getting contact and I couldn’t get one to save myself. Well there was a two-year old sitting in his mother’s arms. He did not want to stay. He kept whispering to the mother, “I want to go home.” Well the mother finally left the group, set the child into the back bedroom, where the child couldn’t hear what was going on, and they lay down on the bed together and the child went to sleep. It was basically tired. And I channeled after that because there was no free will being violated any more. You have no responsibility to that large group of people. It is not just with channeling, but I have to be honest to channel, to do my best and if all I could have done through that whole thing, was nothing, that would have been my best.

It would have been honestly me, and I think that is the relationship you have with your participants.

Now, because of the fact that you yourself have worked through your lower energy centers, cleared them, opened up your heart chakra, you are facilitating that in other people too. And you will find, as I said, a lot of free-flowing unconditional love and good. As the channel, you are also a group facilitator and there may be some dismay or other reactions that people see all the men and the women in the group loving each other and not knowing what to do about it. Help them with it just as yourself. Talk to them about the inevitability. How love of the soul heart, including the love of the red ray, very orange, yellow, red. Green is the heart chakra. Yellow is social, orange is personal; red is your own will to survive. An open heart with full energy coming through to it means that all of the energies are full and open, and that includes sexual.

We have two pairs—we have duly consecrated sex so that you don’t make love any more. You have sex. In my world, there is only love-making and in my world you should be careful, as I said, as it is a kind of agreement that is going to last for a long time.

I am not speaking of marriage. I was never married to Don. He didn’t like to be married. Most men don’t. If one wants to start a family, you have to get some kind of agreement made, but people are going to get together and make love. There needs to be some sort of agreement to which both parties will be faithful, involving dating other people, sleeping with other people, who pays for what? What was the hostility about? And all of that stuff. You need to talk it out. You can’t let a relationship grow like topsy because otherwise there is so much pain. There is going to be pain anyway because both of you are growing and where there is change, there is always discomfort. It is the discomfort of the computer having to dump some old programs in order to make new ones.

I see I have dealt enough with the energy that you are talking about. You want to be celibate, but you feel like a hungry person at a banquet. Open up your receptors and take hits off of the male projections that come your way. Let yourself enjoy their maleness, not in a way that we take it from them or take them from another woman. Not in a way that would be considered flirting, but simple and quite personal. Call some attention to yourself, then enjoy them as men. They do have a special energy just like you do. You can get a lot of that sexual need met. Not all of it. I guarantee that and I think masturbation is definitely an act that is very helpful and regularizing to a person if it is done sacramentally and not as something that is, “Oh dear, it is forbidden but I am going to do it anyway.” That is not it.

You do this as part of your relationship to the Creator, as a direct experience with the creator, and with men. They just radiate being male. Let them radiate, right on you. Enjoy it like a perfume, something that is intangible. Let that presence sink right into your being and satisfy it. That is what I used to do when I was celibate.

Now I am not saying that I never got horny. I did, but it wasn’t all the time. It was only once or twice a month. It seemed like more than that until I came to grips with the fact that I really could get a lot of male energy just out of being with the people I knew. And really liking men for being men and enjoying that instead of feeling threatened by it or feeling that you had to manipulate or anything like that. Just enjoy them. I still enjoy men and I enjoy their sexuality. I have been put into situations where I could have been, without any fear of discovery, unfaithful.

I don’t think of it as being unfaithful. I think it is breaking an agreement and I don’t break my agreements. When I give my word, I stick by it. I think that is really what it comes down to, whether it is an agreement outside of the marriage bond or whether is the contract of the marriage, which is a very strong agreement. If you are unfaithful, the first person to whom you have been unfaithful is yourself because you broke the agreement.

If you do not wish to have a meaningless sexual relationship, then you need to wait until you have a friend that is special. Meanwhile enjoy men and let that sexual energy chakra full of feeling and feel proud of being a woman, and being sexual and being passionate. Love it in yourself and give it thorough glory. It is part of the creation. You have a discipline that you do what you are going to do with it in the physical manifestation in your head. Have a ball.

I guess I have sort of blazed the trail. I certainly never did have anybody that lived the same life I did. Whether we can walk the same walk or not, I guess it is just a matter of whether or not you have the same problems to solve. It sounds like you have at least one of them right now. The word is discerning, discriminating. As I said, anything that you disagree with, anything that does not ring and resonate as if it were a memory inside of you is not your personal truth and you don’t have to take it in. Toss it out. There is nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t hurt my feelings because I don’t have any desire that something come back from you. I don’t need anything back from you. I like it. You don’t have to love it back.

This is not a transaction here. This isn’t a bargain. This is great and that I enjoy with this kind of work. It is a labor of love. If we are in each other’s hearts, there is no need to be sad and there is no need to be with each other because we are both of creation and where shall we go? Right here.

Thank you very much for your prayers and your thoughts. I do feel that my body is doing wonderfully considering it died one time when I was 15. I came back by choice. I was given a choice. For a dead body, I feel I am doing remarkably well at this age of 47. I died when I was 15 for about 20 seconds. I chose to come back because they told me I had something to do that I hadn’t finished. I was sort of enthusiastic about that actually. I didn’t think that could happen to anybody. I was an odd duck. I was sometimes unable to make contact with anybody. I had perfectionistic parents that just, nothing was ever good enough. And as to the rest of the world, they just thought I was a weird kid. So I prayed to die and I died.

Ten minutes later I found out I was actually going to be able to help. I came back and I will do it until I die. And that is fine here. I am just lucky enough to have found out about it. I appreciate your prayers greatly. And I will be hearing from you whenever you feel like it.

Cheerio. Love,

Carla

  Skip Navigation LinksL/L Research Carla’s Niche Letter Tapes May 27, 1990

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