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Carla’s Niche

Carla’s Letter Tapes

CAVEAT: Warning! These letters have not been edited by Carla. Expect errors.

Letter to R

August 2, 1990

Dear R,

I must admit that we have enough of a substantial disagreement between us that it is possible we will not be able to correspond. I don’t give up on people easily, but I really haven’t been successful in allowing you to see my point of view in a way that makes sense to you, nor have you been able to make me see your point of view in a way that makes sense to me.

I think that basically the difference is that you are a student working with the imperishable principles that you need to hold very close and live by because this is not a easy world by any means, and you’ve gone through certain experiences that have left you with this marvelous faith and you know what you have and you don’t think people should settle for anything else or for less.

I am coming from a position of being a person who listens. For the most part, the talking I do is not as important as the listening. I try to listen to what people are saying and to answer them, not in terms of final truths, although I speak about the spiritual principles that underlie what I’m saying. What I try to do is offer people help where they are and they are normally stuck in some paradox or misunderstanding about reality or a blockage due to emotional negative feelings of jealousy or hurt, or worry or anger, or fear.

You have to deal with these people where they are—you can’t pick them up and move them over to where you are and say “God is love and love is God, and God is you and you are love and you are God,” you know, you can’t just give people the bottom line. You can’t give them the principle and walk away and feel you’ve done your job as a teacher. You may have done your job as a truth-teller, but my job, I think, designed very carefully for me by my higher self and by the Creator before I was brought into this incarnation was to be patient with people and to try to talk to people where they were and help them along on their own path of service.

Your path of service is very well established. Your beliefs are very well solidified. I do not want to be a stumbling block in your life. I don’t think that would be a very caring thing for me to do, so I’m going to try once more to answer your letter and if the next letter I get back is just a repetition of “don’t have fear, have faith,” then I will know that we somehow just are not going to be able to communicate.

It would be difficult for me to figure out how you could feel that my life is run by fear. When I was dealing with spiritual greetings, as many call “psychic attack” I sometimes got a little on the spooked side—some things were pretty bizarre that were happening to me, but I really did not feel any fear, because I was doing what I considered to be something important enough to die for and I didn’t particularly care whether I died or lived. I just wanted to do this work.

So I have a great deal of trouble feeling that you have a decent grasp of who I am or of the nature of my attempts to help people tune and straightened out their communication.

I don’t teach people to be paranoid. The world does that to people. I don’t have to do anything to people. People already know that there is a negative side to things and that there is a negative side on the physical and there’s a negative side on the inner planes of that physical (assistance?) especially, and certainly some negative chatter from stations you can pick up elsewhere from less personal sources.

We who channel are a good deal like radios—we have to tune ourselves to the right station. People who don’t do that are liable to have some unpleasant experiences. I don’t think it smacks of fear at all to let people know the nature of what it is they’re trying to do.

The average person doesn’t really know the difference between using a Ouija Board to get information from the spirit world and using disciplined meditation techniques and listening techniques and beginning channeling techniques and so forth, so that the channel that develops is a channel that is stably able to be held by the instrument with no damage to the instrument; that it is the highest and best source the instrument is capable of keeping—there’s a lot that goes into it. It’s not just a planchette whirling around on a board.

We aren’t particularly concerned as teachers with people who aren’t doing spiritual work—they’re safe. They’re out of the combat zone, shall we say. There is a real struggle between the relative things of earth and the absolute things of eternity. I don’t see that that is something to bewail; it’s simply something to recognize.

It is also easy enough to recognize where most people’s attention lies: in the here and now, very much. In the dishes to do and the next job to do and so forth. You’re not going to find too many people who walk around declaring to themselves in odd moments the basic spiritual principles of life and remembering to stay centered in faith amidst all difficulties. Anyone who can get through the line at the supermarket on a Saturday afternoon still centered in the love of God has my everlasting respect.

Now—let me ask you an honest question. You don’t have to answer this to me, just answer it in your own mind. You keep telling me that each of us is the perfect son of God. What do you think the chances are that I know that already? I’m not trying to be snippy—I’m try to get you to think about what you’re writing me. You’re not writing somebody that just entered the field. I’ve been doing this stuff since 1962. Since this is 1990, that’s 28 years. I’m almost a half a century old—isn’t that amazing?

Well, anyway, the way that you encourage people to magnify the Christ within themselves, is to encourage them to learn to know themselves. And that means meditation.

The people that I write to are not simply people that want to learn to meditate—usually people are writing to me because they run into some kind of a snag and they want to know how to get back to where they can be working on that feeling of being of the Godself.

Now I cannot answer them in terms of a bottom line, and have them able to use that information. It may be inspiring, but it will not constitute a tool or resource for them. What they need are ways and means that are not compromised by mixed motives; that will get them where they want to go spiritually. Of course, I lean heavily on meditation. But I also talk about the importance of good and evil—the importance of duality because the importance of duality in this incarnation is that it is obvious from the way things are set up that what we’re here for is to make choices.

Even our brains are set up that way—like a computer: yes, no, yes, no—a million times a day. Our very perceptions of what we see are a result of a computer, our minds, that take in data from all five senses, ruthlessly kicking out 95% of it and saving the rest because that jibs with what we’re interested in. To change the programming of that computer is a serious job, and not one undertaken lightly, and certainly not one that is undertaken by explaining to people the truth—everybody knows the truth. I don’t think there are too many people in this world that would deny that they are part of something bigger than themselves. It’s a feeling we have based on truths too big for words—but they don’t know how to get there. That’s where I come in.

I can’t tell people that they are the same as Christ. Not when they feel suicidal, and wicked and guilty and lost. I can tell them things to do that will encourage that state of mind to occur naturally. Then they are learning for themselves and I have become a teacher/learner, but I have not learned for them. To give people only the answer is often to discourage that person, because the answer is so far away from where they are. The last thing in the world I want to do is discourage them.

Now, as to the people who thought they were going to bear the Second Coming of Christ—these people are not to be considered as wise or lucky—that is very simply in my opinion an error of judgment on their part. These people did not mean that they were conceiving in their souls the spiritual self, which is the Christ self. These people meant they were gravid, they were pregnant, that in nine months they were going to give birth to a baby. They were telling this to all their friends. It got a little embarrassing when they didn’t get pregnant or give birth.

Now you want to save your friends from embarrassment like that and you want to save the metaphysical world from half-baked, over stimulated, undereducated spiritual students who go off to these things because they are trying to work with higher energy before they’ve cleared out the lower ones. That’s usually the culprit. That they are trying to pour a lot of energy into green ray work and up from there, before they’ve got a full flow of energy into green ray, or heart.

What can hold you back? Three basic things. Number one, such an extreme lack of self-esteem that you question whether you should be here or not, or any other thing that interferes with being red ray—if you feel weird about sex, that can be a blockage though that’s not very usual in this day and age—we’re pretty normal people about sex.

Anorexia has got to be worked out before you can work with someone spiritually.

Most of the blockages take place in the next energy center up, which is the, in Ra terms, the orange energy center which has to do with relationships with yourself and with other people—one on one. That’s where most of the energy goes that should be used for greater things. People get into adversary relationships and don’t know how to get back out of them—they get into misunderstandings and they don’t know how to talk—how to communicate well enough to get things right.

Situations escalate and they’re in trouble. And in the midst of this instability or the imbalance, or the trouble, they’re feeling terrible about themselves and they’re writing and asking what they can do.

Now, at this point, you don’t say, “Don’t you realize that you are Christ?” Not without some intervening material explaining what this illusion is about, why they’ve been having the trouble, i.e., you shouldn’t be trying to do work in consciousness until you’ve gotten your personal relationships worked out, and you’re not (inaudible) with the world because only then do you have the full energy that you need to go ahead with spiritual work.

All these women were in deep trouble mentally, and two of them ended up in mental institutions, not because of my thinking they were mentally unbalanced, but they were put in by their parents.

(Reading) “Why do I think the life of Jesus was left out of the bible prior to the achievement of his full spiritual …?”

Actually, I always thought that it was probably left out because it wasn’t known very well. After all, if I was suddenly to be able to raise people from the dead, speak the word of God, heal AIDS patients, and generally become a Christ, what would people know about me before hand, or at least before I began publishing books? Only what I told them. (Laughs) Only what I told them or what somebody else that knew me told them.

So really I think that’s probably the reason that the earlier life of Jesus was left out. It simply was not considered apropos.

(Reading) (Inaudible) … hummm, what is he trying to say? (Tries to decipher but gives up on that.)

Anyway, my comments on this part of the letter vaguely is that in spite of my thanking you very much for your kind words and thanking you for trying to help me be better, you are stuck in a situation mentally with yourself wherein you basically feel that just about everybody is nuts and that you have some information that they need and that I do too, and that I’m in a position to give it to them and why aren’t I giving it to them.

I don’t see the world that way—that’s just my meditation and my personality. People aren’t insane here—people are in a heavy chemical illusion which makes everybody seem crazy because it’s not natural. The key to helping people out of the problems that they find themselves in is usually not the bottom line of realizing they are one with the Creator but the beginning line which is that this is all an illusion and then of course, the corollary. The illusion was built for your learning and what is in front of your face, is what’s supposed to be in front of your face and that is what you’re learning and if you can’t find any learning in it then you need to study it further, because if you don’t get it this time you’re going to get it again even harder next time—you’ll get the point more clearly next time, maybe you don’t want that point made more clearly, maybe you’d like to get it this time.

So I encourage people to persistence, to patience, to never losing courage no matter how many times they may feel subjectively that they’ve let themselves down, simply to carry on, one day at a time, day by day, and to try to include in that day a good meditation, and as much contemplation as possible and as much centering of yourself in eternity as we walk through this illusion as possible.

Whether I do any good I do not know. Whether I could do any good if I followed your advise is beyond my ability to say. I think we all have to use our strong points when it comes to communication. Your strong point is you’ve fastened on to a truth—the truth basically being we are all children of the Creator—we’re all redeemed.

This truth does not help you become motivated to be more and more of service to other people. You have to learn and grasp and understand it within ourselves why we have polarity here—what its use is, why we should be grateful for it, why we should use it to push off from to polarize and polarize and polarize again toward service to others. I do not believe that all of us are elite. I believe that none of us is elite. I believe that humility, not pride is the better door into the garden of the kingdom. We are the least of all. We are servants. We are here to serve each other in love. Servants are not elite.

You ask me at the end of this particular letter: “If they feel elite, which all people awoken feel for a while, help them to know that all of us are elite, how could we not be as perfect children of God? Is this not better than injecting fear and suspicion into their motive?”

No, I don’t think so. Although I’m not aware that I’m injecting fear and suspicion into their motive. What I’m trying to do is slow down a reaction that I have seen many times get out of hand and hurt somebody. I don’t like to see people hurt. I do my very best with the vocabulary that I have to say things that will soften peoples’ positions and gently loosen them from whatever attitude has been their stumbling block, which they themselves wish to get rid of. This isn’t done by their understanding that they are children of God and therefore perfect—they know perfectly well they’re not perfect—they’re miserable. But if they know the spiritual principle that they’re not paying attention to, then they’ve got a tool that they can use to pull themselves out of the quagmire of their own negative thinking.

And I have not infringed with their freewill because I have left the choice of what to listen to up to them.

(Reading) “Your son had a loss of time.” That’s interesting. I don’t do field research any more. There are good guys and there are bad guys and you talk to somebody who’s been through a good guy experience, it’s very pleasant and if you’ve been with one of the bad guys it’s been a horrendous experience and I am extremely relieved not to be in field work any more because it was very painful.

Leo Sprinkle at the University of Wyoming, I don’t have his address, but he is a director of, I think, the psychology department, would be able to help your son.

Now, your other letter. Let’s see what you’ve got.

You don’t feel the way I do about this illusion, I can see that. You call a normal gaze at this illusion, the “cockroach mentality,” which is fear. Cockroaches aside, and I’ve never known one to be afraid (laughs), I do not expect, ever, to be able to give anyone the answers to the mysteries of the universe. I think that there is no answer because I think the universe is mystery—an eternal, and forever Noumenal, mystery. I think that anything I try to say to people would be part of the illusion I was trying to help them get out of.

If I try to tell people that they already are perfect, they will simply not listen to me. People are acutely aware of their imperfections and what they need most of all is to be listened to and they need to be comforted, with the knowledge that this is an illusion. They may feel like nerds within this illusion, but if they would just stop and keep trying, persistently, throughout their lifetime to show love, between and toward other people, then everything will be okay. Even if it doesn’t seem that way.

Most people are not in positions where they can hold on to the truth that you’re perfect. I don’t expect people to be able to handle that one. Maybe it’s part of a mountaintop experience worked up to in a very emotionally manipulative way, you could get people to feel that mountain top experience, that they were perfect, that they were the Creator.

But they come back from that experience and they have the garbage to take out. Now what perfect person have you ever heard of that has to take out the garbage? We run into problems immediately. Then you sit and you look at the people around you and you’re supposed to think that they’re perfect. At this point (inaudible) because if they have trouble seeing their perfections, that’s nothing to the difficulty they are going to have seeing the perfection in other people. People are naturally critical.

If you will view the letters you’ve sent to me, you’ll see that although you admire my work, you are constantly critical of something in my teaching which you consider to be a spear in the wrong direction and that I teach people what I have learned of polarity. I don’t think I try to teach people to fear it—respect for it is what I try to teach people respect for the negative side of things is what I teach—not fear. If we need to know what the deal is, I try to tell them as best as I can what they’re up against. They’ve got a jewel within, and it’s hidden very deeply within an earthen vessel, and they’ve got a lot of hollowing out to do before they can find that inner gem. I’m not helping them find a gem—I’m helping them hollow. I’m helping them go into the flame of choice and come out the other side with a choice made.

In order to get a real solid feeling of choice you have to get the awareness of what the choice is about and what it’s implications are. If this is fear, so be it. I am very sorry that this seems to upset you tremendously but I simply do not know any other way to teach people. I wish you good luck in teaching people your way, but if I get another letter like this, I honestly have to tell you, I will not answer the letter. I’ve repeated myself almost thought for thought, if not word for word, I think three times now. Right or wrong, that’s enough, you don’t need to hear any more from me than that.

I’m not reading the whole letter because it gets a little bit more—it would take me too long to comment on it. Chattel, by the way, is spelled “el” not “le.” (Reading) “It is my only choice” (then you split an infinitive, tsk tsk!) to ultimately join your father in recognition that you were never separate from him.”

True, but this is against the context of millions of years. This is not within this lifetime. We can have good moments, we can even have good days. To have a lifetime of that kind of belief is really stretching third density passed its sensible limits. The joy I hope for people is the joy that’s possible in coming through that crucible of choice, having made that leap of faith, and saying “I choose to be a servant, not a manipulator, I choose to be a servant, I choose to serve others as my way of expressing my love of the Creator and if I can’t find anybody else to serve then I’ll simply serve the Creator and I will always serve the Creator by working on my own consciousness.”

That’s basically what I encourage people to do. You go on about the pain thing—I really have no desire to defend myself (inaudible). I’m weary of that subject. I’ve had a good deal of judgment from others on it and it has come to me lately that there is no need for me to try to convince people such as you that my illnesses are part of the illusion in that I am actually an extremely healthy person in that I am healed and whole. I’ll just have to let that go. I’m sorry about that—I’d like to please you by going along with your ideas but I don’t find them to work for me. It doesn’t mean that they’re wrong—they’re just wrong for me.

I’ve been very careful about guessing what entity made themselves known to your son. It’s enough that he saw what he saw—it doesn’t matter who it was, and I’m glad that it made a difference but I would never jump to conclusions about who it was. On the other hand, I’ll be open to that’s who it might have been, but I doubt it.

I do feed myself, (I’m referring to your letter where you encourage me to strengthen myself.) I worship and I sing sacred music and to me that is better food than any kind of food I could eat.

If you can get your mind off the subject of changing me around, I promise not to try to change you around. I’m interested in listening to what you have to say, but it cannot be guaranteed to agree with my path, and I think that’s all well and good, unless the other person thinks that you’re supposed to come into agreement and there’s only one way. I think there are any number of ways to approach the spiritual search. You’re doing it one way—I’m doing it another.

Write me at your own risk. If you start with fear and “everybody’s a child of God,” and “you don’t have to be sick,” and all these things again, I’ll just assume that we can’t talk about anything else and we’ve said everything there is to say about this subject so we might as well hang it up until you have something new to say.

If, on the other hand, you see some kind of value in accepting me for who I am and why I am and then just telling me what you think without reference to what I’ve said—just what’s happening to you and I’ll just tell you what’s happening to me. That’s to me a spiritual correspondence, not part of the way I feel about what I do, that I need to defend myself to the point of masochism. I’m not a masochist and this is my letter to you with thanks for your attempts to help me and with apologies if I have been any kind of stumbling block to you.

God bless you in your work and if you see your way clear to hanging out with me without the judgment, I’d be glad to hear about what’s going on with you.

Love and Light,


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