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Carla’s Niche

Carla’s Letter Tapes

CAVEAT: Warning! These letters have not been edited by Carla. Expect errors.

Letter to TC

April 11, 1991

Dear T,

Responding to your letter of March 31, 1991.

Well, my brother, you’re a first for me. I’ve never had anyone come to ask me what I think without telling me what the problem is. I seem to be working in a bit of a vacuum here. I would like to make very clear here that I do not have unusual psychic power nor do I have personal guides.

I have been a mystical Christian since birth—my mother cannot remember a time when I wasn’t. I’ve been very faithful and love Jesus a lot and so I pretty much trust that the Holy Spirit does speak to me in a very deep part of my being if I relax and let it happen.

So you are not dealing with somebody that by being psychic can see you in her thoughts or can come up with the names of your dead relatives or in any way give you a psychic reading, which I hope that the little blurb that Jim, who does all the business for L&L, wrote up. I intended to make plain I’m just not sure if it was plain. I do want to stress that because I wouldn’t want you to feel that I had misled you and I will, of course, do the best I can, but since you’ve given me little to go on, I will just follow my instincts.

What I feel I have to offer, for the most part, is an unusually good degree of insight, good advice, basically. In the absence of an actual difficulty, I think I will just let this tape happen, if that’s okay with you. If you’re not feeling that you have not gotten things you can use out of this tape, please tell me so, I really would appreciate that because I would not like to think that I was speaking in a way that was not helpful.

To answer [one of the questions] that you asked, several have attempted to (inaudible) the Law of One information as the subject; one has finished the job and I looked at it and it was written by a scientist who projected onto the Ra Material very logically self-consistent way of looking at the material which was actually harder for a lay person or a non-scientist to grasp than the Ra Material itself.

Another woman who is a devoted reader out in Oklahoma that has been trying for a couple of years to get a book out on exactly that, has sent me a couple of drafts and in each case, when I wrote back, I had no quarrel with the information she was giving at all. Her style was likely to put people off because it was “Well, I know this, so let me tell you,” and I think that is kind of a patronizing attitude and when I pointed it out to her she did too, so she is starting over and she does intend to do it.

Other people have written to me that they would like to and we feel very easy about other people grouping the information or doing what they will with the Ra Material, however, we simply do not feel that it is our place. The place we occupy is simply the gathering of the information in a very careful way, presenting it, maybe editing it to take out some split infinitives or something, but not editing as far as content, and basically the reason for that is there is distortion in any kind of improvement and we don’t want to do that, we just want to present the material.

Also, there is the problem of authority. If we did it, then people would be inclined to feel that we had more authority than we do. We don’t. We collected the material and we continue each week, at least once, and usually twice, to continue to collect the material, about 5% of which comes out in the Light/Lines, the other is worthwhile information but there is just so much that a publisher will publish and our output is quite large.

So about the closest anybody gets to publishing what we’re doing right now is The Law of One Newsletter, which is put out as a donation of time and service by SS in Enumclaw, Washington. It publishes either one or two sessions every month, unedited, just the transcript, not even edited for copy, so there are run-on sentences and so forth, but it is the only publication that our present material is enjoying, except if you sign up and want to pay for the mailing and the paper and so forth, Jim does mail out the transcripts to people who want them. It’s a fairly expensive venture. The postage is sky high and you’re going to have to pay something even if it’s just printed matter.

They’ve bumped up the weights since we originally figured out the price. It’s probably closer to $7 or $8 now, but Jim does do a wonderful job of picking the stuff out for the Light/Lines.

Thank you for the donation to L&L. Please realize that you’re getting the letter that you would have gotten regardless of the donation. I truly appreciate it but I don’t consider that I earn it just sharing information with a colleague. About the only thing I get that is at all psychic is some feelings from the paper, and this is a little confused because I feel more than one energy here, like maybe it was two or three people that handled this or had something to do with this in some way, but I can’t really explain it so I’ll just carry on.

Okay, let me start from the beginning. I perceive you as a person that is very stable, that has a good decent intellect, perhaps relatively sociable and interested in life; a good strong (not obnoxious) just a good strong ego which you really do need in this world; a person of perhaps a cooler temper than some, and a person that is pretty much on the reserved side, as to what you’re going to say in any letter. That’s about that.

You ask in the first paragraph “I’m interested in all sorts of things regarding personal finance, job opportunities, inner guidance, personal relationships, etc.” That basically means you’re interested in the process of living.

Let me talk about the mundane things, personal finance, job opportunity, things that depend on your personality and basically I think the principle here in worldly things is that you make some kind of a peace with yourself about how much of your life you want to be taken up with drive, ambition, the desire to get ahead in this world by either money, power or position, or clout, those things. If you are interested in moving ahead with money it is pretty much a matter of deciding that you’re interested in that to the extent that you’re willing to put out the effort involved in achieving the degree of financial success that you want or the job that you want that would give you more money.

There isn’t anything secret about that process if you truly have the ambition then you simply find it possible to get the energy together to complete any schooling that you haven’t completed that would qualify you for a job that would give you more money.

My question to you is: are you sure you want that? Because it does eat up a life really quickly and it is not conducive to contemplation or any of the right uses of leisure time. However, if it is an important goal to you I think it is simply a matter of applying oneself to become qualified for the job that you visualize being right for you and being a producer of the income that you feel you would prefer to have.

As I myself don’t have a shred of worldly ambition, it’s not that I wasn’t always perfectly happy to work, I just did not think in terms of a career which was a good thing because I was disabled some time ago and I could have driven myself nuts if I really was ambitious, so I don’t have a personal experience of this kind of drive. It’s just my observation that it makes people pretty crazy and takes up a lot of their life usually.

So it’s your choice really and what you need to realize here is that in desiring things, there’s no etcetera that you put at the end of the things that you asked about. Etcetera, in visualizing yourself doing what it is that you really want to do that will give you more money, you have to be aware that you will probably get what you want, but it may come in a form that you’re not fond of after you get it. So you have to be very careful about what it is that you desire because you do attract that to you and the question is for “weal or woe.”

In the other two areas: personal relationships and inner guidance, I think I would probably start with the guidance, because personal relationships can be addressed better after I’ve laid down some thoughts about the process of achieving an access to a deeper part of yourself that, if you have one particular kind of nature you will experience it as actual guides; if you are of a more mystical nature you will simply experience it as guidance coming from within, from a part of yourself that is what I would call the “Holy Spirit.”

I’ve been a Christian mystic all of my life and this is what works for me, but it’s not the only way at all. I have never been one to attempt to sway people or persuade them into one path or another, but rather to persuade them to respect themselves and their opportunities in this lifetime for spiritual growth, enough to focus down on one’s own personality and needs until one has found a path that really works for him.

So I think that the process of opening to inner guidance is the process of coming to know yourself and accept yourself just as you are. That’s pretty frightening for a lot of people because everyone has a 360 degree nature and 180 degrees of it are subjectively seen as negative emotion, negative thoughts, negative potential, and what we are most horrified of is usually that which is within and don’t want to see.

It’s hard to imagine, for instance, seeing oneself setting a fire, hurting people, killing people, raping, doing any kind of horrific things, but in certain circumstances we’re all capable of just about anything so I think that it helps a great deal to release any judgment of yourself, especially, and of course of others, but the key is to move into a deeper awareness of yourself to see yourself clearly, warts and all, as they say, and to fall in love with that subjectively perceived being that is you manifesting in this illusion, as a lovable entity, not blinking at the fact that we all have a dark side, and particularly oneself has the dark side and one experiences that more than others.

Certainly, when one is on a spiritual path, one begins experiencing the dark side of oneself in a more intense way because one is attempting to accelerate spiritual evolution, which means an acceleration of change and spiritual transformation within the self, which in turn, creates pain, subjectively so. The pain is the pain of changing. It is hard for us to change and when we open ourselves through meditation, contemplation, study, however it is that you yourself proceed, we accelerate that rate of change and we also accelerate not only the simple pain of having to dump a program off of our inner computers and take a lesser truth and say “Well, this is not working for me at this point, and there is a deeper truth and I invoke the hierarchical law of greater truth and lesser truth, that truth that is now seen as lesser has served me very well in the past, but at this point it is not serving me, and another way of looking at things would be more efficacious.”

Which all sounds very nice and pristine until you do it, and then it becomes, as life is, messy. It hurts. The pain of change is vastly underrated, I think, by our very mobile and ever changing lives. People take jobs, drop jobs, move around, go to other jobs, and every time they do that it unsettles the being and when one does that within oneself it is even more unsettling. So you can’t live with seeing change as necessary and doing it and pursuing a life of happiness, because for the spiritual entity, there is, for the positively oriented person who wants to polarize positively, always a joy in seeing what is possible, but at times a vast irritation at the trouble one has to go though to achieve that transformation.

It creates, not more happiness, but turbulence actually in the life because of the difficulty of change. The energy, however, that is released when you dump a program out of your brain and say “Now this is working and I’m going to work on a higher and more spacious truth and program that into my life,” then you are going to experience positive changes and some mountain top experiences but you’re also going to encounter every temptation in the world to stop doing what you’re doing because it is not making you happy.

It is causing you from time to time a lot of grief and in this particular culture, pain is something we run from and dislike with a great deal of intensity and if there’s a headache, we dose it with aspirin and if there’s an emotional problem, we dose it with some kind of a tranquilizer and so forth.

And when you look at deep problems like that you can see yourself dosing those problems with distractions. For some, it’s stopping off at a bar; for some it’s womanizing or manizing (these days), my own personal favorites are books and television and I don’t think it’s bad at all to distract yourself sometimes because a person can take just so much in one day and if one is over one’s limits then I think one is very well advised to just give it up for that day and give yourself a break and not try to be spiritual because you can’t behave your way through life, you have to allow yourself to be what you are.

Without that foundation there isn’t much that you can do except behave well and be a spiritually behaving entity. But insofar as that is not the inner truth, it would be a hollow victory for you and you will not really feel the joy that does come with all of that discomfort of changing.

So get honest with yourself, that is the first step in inner guidance. When you have figured out what moves you and what doesn’t, what works for you and what does not, then it’s simply a matter of persistence; doing that which helps you and, of course, I echo everything I’ve heard and meditation is probably the number one tool, in order to persevere and run a good race and give it your best shot.

As I said, although you have mountaintop experiences and do feel a really ineffable peace from time to time, many other times the spiritual seeker is moving on faith alone, basically having leapt off into an abyss without even seeing the bottom or knowing where one is going to land or if the landing will be soft or very difficult. That leap of faith is almost literal when one is working with one’s metaphysical self.

But when you surrender the whims and fancies of a lightly lived existence, grabbing all the gusto you can because we only go around once in life, you know, that sort of thing, you surrender part of yourself that is very much on the surface and you plunge, with this surrender, into a very rich metaphysical ocean of wisdom, strength, awareness, compassion and so forth. It simply depends on the native needs of yourself as to what you will draw to you in this surrendering. Jesus said, “Not my will but Thine,” and I think in any world religion there is that surrender.

Of course in the Eastern religions it is a surrender to the fact that one is not in truth a body, or an ego, or in any way solidified and sometimes that way of working with the self is more satisfactory to a person than working with the basic Western type religion which is a very hands-on, active, rather noisy religion full of words and hopefully increasing light to the extent that in the Western Judeo Christian religions there is in the end a fullness, a feeling of great plenty, whereas if one is working with the Eastern traditions one is working towards total emptiness, total lack of self or ego or form or anything.

However, whether it’s total fullness or total emptiness if one looks at that as regards an absolute or an infinite source and ending, that it comes to the same thing. The Eastern religions focus entirely on surrender; the Judeo Christian religions focus on surrendering to the Will of the Creator and then putting it into practice into daily life, in ethics, in the way of being that is radiant and full of power, but the power is not used on other people, the power is used on the disciplining of your own personality and your own catalyst.

So in both cases, one becomes powerful as a metaphysical entity as one who knows who one is; what one is running a straight race toward, one gathers the tools and the sources of that path about him and is simply persistent, day in and day out, in a very patient way, will wait for as long as it takes for guidance to show itself.

Guidance shows itself a lot in dreams, consequently I encourage you to take up that practice if you have not already. It can be very illuminating and it is a learned thing, it’s not something that most people can do right off the bat. What one does is keep a notebook and pen by the bed and if you’re sleeping with somebody else that you don’t want to disturb, put an old sock over a flashlight and therefore when you turn on the flashlight in the middle of the night to record a dream you won’t wake up the other person, but program yourself to awaken only enough to write.

You can do this in the hypnogogic state and you will still be able to remember the dream if you come fully awake with every second you lose tons of material and when you have the dreams down it is not a good idea to have someone else interpret them because that shifts the discriminatory abilities, the abilities to learn, from you to someone else and then you feel dependent upon that person, whereas in truth you will recognize your own personal truth and it will be as if you remembered it, not that you’re learning it to take it from an authority.

I urge you very much to take neither Ra nor any other entity of the metaphysical kind, or myself, or any other entity in this incarnation or anything whatsoever as an authority because you are the authority for yourself. We have the ability to discriminate and that discrimination is not something that you have to carry around like a heavy load but it’s simply something that you keep an awareness of through meditation and then perhaps during the day, by remembering that feeling that you reached in meditation or that which you were striving for in meditation and therefore, keeping that line open to guidance and you’re more and more able to be supple or graceful in your perceiving of what happens to you in such a way that it is spiritually useful to you.

A word about meditation. Many people are very discouraged very quickly by meditation because they know they’re not doing it “properly.” There isn’t that problem, I believe, in actuality. The discipline of putting oneself in a chair (or on a cushion) or wherever you sit in meditation each day, even if it’s for a short time. I really don’t recommend long meditations for a person unless it is found to be no problem for that person, because it is a powerful tool and a little bit goes a long way. It’s sort of like putting garlic in things: you don’t want to overpower your life with this meditation, because it is a change causer and it is better that it happen slowly enough so that you can keep up with it in a sensible, not too painful way.

You came into this world certainly to use your catalyst but not to be drowning in it. So if you find that meditation is pushing you faster than you feel you can go then shorten the meditation, but just a little bit every day, that’s the point, just persistence.

Many people feel that they have failed in meditation because they have not achieve inner silence. It’s my opinion, and it’s just an opinion, that it is not the quieting of thoughts that constitutes inner silence, it is the quieting of judgment regarding these thoughts. In other words, it’s perfectly natural for someone in our very over-stimulated culture—TV, radio, everything, lots and lots of noise in this culture, lots of moving and shaking, to be pretty much unable, for the most part, within the space of one meditation to keep silence from the thoughts, but that’s all right. The thoughts come and we say “Oh, there’s the dinner menu,” but you don’t hold on to that.

That’s the secret, you suspend judgment of that. You don’t think “Oh, darn, I’m not meditating,” you think “I’m thinking about dinner,” you simply note that to yourself and then you allow it to go away. A second later you may find yourself thinking about it again or thinking about something else, or feeling something with regard to something that’s happened to you, and you say “Oh, I feel anger, or jealousy,” or whatever, but you don’t judge that, you say “All right, I can sit with that, I can look at that, it isn’t a threat, it isn’t something wrong, that’s what’s happening, right now, right here, at this point, that’s what’s happening in my mind.”

And you’ll allow that to be without saying “Oh darn, that’s not something a spiritual person should be thinking about, that’s mundane.” Well, all of the creation is the Creator’s, there is properly no truly ordinary circumstance and anything can be imbued with a good deal of beauty and glory.

So you might practice just a systematic acceptance and forgiveness about what happens during meditation and indeed, what happens all day. Not that you want to go out and do things that you subjectively feel are wrong just so you can forgive yourself, life will give you plenty of reasons to need to forgive yourself and to accept yourself. The key point here is that you will get your catalyst, no matter what.

That’s what you’re here for, your higher self has it firmly in hand, you will get the catalyst that you programmed before this lifetime began, so whether you’re looking at subjectively good circumstances or subjectively unfortunate circumstances, your reaction needs to be one of a faithful person that says “Okay God, you tossed me into this water and my ship is going this way, what is the service, what is the love, what is the joy of this way, of this moment,” rather than saying “God, I’m really mad at you, you stuck me here at this is not comfortable.”

God does not play us like puppets at all. We planned this, or not necessary precisely this, but we planned the kind of lessons that we were going to learn.

I cannot tell really how old you are but I would guess that you’re mature because your handwriting seems very comfortable and not at all pretentious, very clear and so forth. Perhaps a little bit pessimistic; very creative.

But just allow yourself to absorb what you can and accept that much of yourself right now so that you don’t worry yourself to death trying to be a spiritual person. We’re spiritual whether we want to be or not, that is our nature. This entire illusion is kind of an eye blink, I think, when seen before or after the incarnation itself, what we hoped for in this incarnation presents a kind of pattern. The older that you are the more you will have the opportunity to look back and reflect on what lessons you’ve been offered repeatedly; what the pattern is for you. It is always a kind of lesson about love.

A lot of times if there is a karmic difficulty the lesson begins and ends in simple forgiveness—forgiveness of the other person, forgiveness of the circumstances in some prior lifetime, and above all, forgiveness of yourself. That’s the part that most people miss. They’re busy forgiving other people and saying “They know not what they do,” but what they don’t realize is that they are holding themselves in a bond of judgment.

It isn’t our place here to judge. That will occur as your basic ten minute quiz, you know, at the end of the semester. It won’t be something that we have to study for. All the studying is being done during the incarnation, which has to do very much with choices. So every time that you are aware a choice is coming up, and there are many, many choices, simply say one word that says to you who you really are, whether it’s “love” or “service to others,” or “Christ Consciousness,” or “Jesus Christ,” or “Ralph,” or “the bedpost,” it doesn’t really matter as long as you acknowledge that there is a higher understanding, a more spacious point of view, a wisdom of things, as the song says “seen from a distance,” where you can see, not the minutia of the moment but the pattern of a lifetime and therefore have a good deal more skill in behaving and creating what you wish to do in that situation from your faith and your instincts than if you simply launched into the battle without having first prayed, I guess you’d say.

There are all kinds of times during the day that you can program yourself to remember the last time you meditated and where you were with having the experience of dwelling with the infinite one during meditation. When you hear a bird sing, when you hear a car honk, when you hear a bus go by, when you hear the noon whistle, when you hear the bell at the end of a class, if you’re a teacher or a student; all kinds of things can bring you to remembrance of the sanctity, the holiness that lies beyond the other imperfections of this illusion.

We have a field of consciousness that is very different from the intelligence and personality that we have in this world. This intelligence and character and so forth is, in large part, ours for this incarnation and given to us so that we have the tools that we need to learn the lessons of love that we need to learn, but they are not things that will endure, because anything that is measurable, like IQ, is definitely part of the illusion.

Eternity is a place of qualities that are infinite, love, acceptance, forgiveness, wisdom, compassion and so forth and you cannot rate how much quantity of love is in love because it is not a quantitative thing, it is a quality and I think Shakespeare said “The quality of mercy is not strained.” Well, no quality is strained, measured, doled out in any quantitative form. Our human nature in asking us to behave as we think we ought can produce in us behavior closely resembling love or compassion and so forth, but we run out pretty quickly. And for the long haul we are far better off realizing that our personal power is begun by a surrender to deeper guidance within ourselves.

Because within ourselves is all that there is. Wisdom, understanding, compassion and so forth, flow into us both from experience itself (or from perceived experience) and from inspiration, that which we ask for, that which we desire, and that which will come to us insofar as we desire it.

I always tell people to be very careful about what they desire because you will probably get it. If not in this lifetime, then in another. Be sure that what you desire is something for which you would willingly take on another incarnation—a childhood, a teenagehood, adulthood, old age, all those stages. You have to desire something pretty important to be willing to come back to get it because the nature of this illusion is such that the illusion always tends toward the perception of loss and difficulty and ordeal.

Life here is lived in a relativistic environment in shades of gray and we would like everything to be black and white and there are structures in any religion that are fundamentalist and tell you exactly what is black and what is white and it comforts a lot of people to believe in this way and it is a valid path but it isn’t a particularly skillful one in that one is showering judgment over oneself and everyone else and to make an awful pun I just don’t think it’s necessary to gilt the lily.

Just as we are, we are the creatures that the Creator loves and if the Creator loves us then we have that same ability to fall in love with ourselves and I think in falling in love with ourselves we fall in love with all of humankind and have the ability more and more to be compassionate towards the worst and the …

(Side one of tape ends.)

… waits until one is asked and then one opens oneself to the highest and best guidance that is within him.

Now I sense that perhaps you may prefer actual guides so I would give you as briefly as possible, the procedure for getting in touch with those guides:

Close your eyes, find a comfortable position that will suit you for awhile, and I’m telling you this faster than you can do it so you’ll have to listen to it a couple of times and make it your own.

Count down from your age to zero, and about every three numbers remind yourself that you’re going deeper into your consciousness, you’re moving into the subconscious and you’re getting deeper and deeper. This is a kind of way of focusing, or self-hypnosis, that will help you, and after you get to “1” you affirm that this is the level at which you wish to do spiritual work in consciousness.

Something that has worked for me is to visualize your favorite place, whatever it is. Usually it’s a fairly sylvan, rural atmosphere, not a bustling, urban one. Visualize that place that you dearly love to go that rests you and feeds you, and either make a place for yourself in a building that is on that property, or make the entire building in your mind. Once you’ve visualized the spot, either use what’s there or build in your imagination and workroom for yourself.

Furnish that workroom very carefully with everything you think you might need, anything from medical books if you’re interested in healing to metaphysical works or to whatever you think you might need, a comfortable chair comes to mind.

When you have everything prepared, create for yourself the screen in front of you that you’re going to visualize on, and a seat to your left and a seat to your right. Ask the door that is on the left hand of the screen as you’re observing (or stage right) to open and ask for your female guide to step forth and tell you her name and come and sit beside you to help you.

When this is accomplished and you have greeted each other with the great love that is between you, ask to have the door on the right side of the screen that is before you (stage left) open and your male guide come forth and tell you his name and have a seat to your right.

This process may take repetition. Be patient with yourself because it is hard to predict in almost every case where the results will come in terms of how much time you need to spend developing this ability to visualize, being able to take in the guides, the names and so forth.

At any rate, once you have the guide to your left and the guide to your right you can then project upon the screen the questions that you have or predicaments that you have, and look at the situation as it is at this point and put it on the screen and then just allow that screen to be there and ask your guides to help you in guiding you to what you truly do want, what your highest self wants for you in the situation.

If it’s perceived negatively such as an illness or some difficulty, a problem of whatever nature, simply allow yourself to be open to those inspirations that do lie deep within you. This isn’t a job that is usually done quickly but I suspect that you may be quicker than some.

This is a very gentle way to introduce to yourself the guides that are with you. It does ask them to separate into the male and female energy but this is, although visualized literally, not to be taken literally because each of us has male energies and female energies, the male energy being a sort of spikey, stabbing, time-enclosed sort of attack mode on things, whereas the feminine energy is more of a grounding, gentle, accepting, nurturing presence that is like a murmuring steam whereas the male energy is like the waterfall, which of course, is time limited by the time from the top of the waterfall until it falls into the pool which can be seen as the female energy.

Before doing anything like this I would strongly suggest that you protect yourself in some way. The way that I use is to visualize each of the energy centers to see if they are clear or muddy, blocked, over activated, or what, and work with each until you get it to be clear. This is temporary, you can’t hold this personality forever, but this is what you want to take into your work, this matter of tuning.

Visualize first the red ray, which has to do with survival, and that can be pretty easily blocked if you don’t think you’re worth much or you don’t want to be in this life, you’d rather be a spirit and are really tired of this illusion, that will block the energy really fast.

So for the time being, knowing that this isn’t the personality you can hold all your life nor should you, you go on to the orange ray, the yellow ray, and in the Ra Material you’re already familiar with what each one of those is—orange ray being relationships with people, yellow ray with groups of people, anything from a team to a job to society in which we live, to the heart energy, and usually the blockages are occurring below that level and therefore the energy is not getting through to the heart and with the heart not being entirely open, high skills are very difficult to practice so it’s very good to respect these nitpicking, everyday, mundane things like relationships and one’s own opinion of oneself and one’s feeling about the society and so forth.

What you’re looking for is a spaciousness of thought, thoughts that will be accurate 10,000 years from now regardless of the environment in which you live, not just today or tomorrow. We’re working here on our eternal selves, on that field of consciousness that intersects, certainly and is tangential in many ways to the bio-computer of the animal that carries this field of consciousness around, but is not to be confused with it.

Not that the animal is bad—the animal is much more in touch with the Creator than we as a field of consciousness in this illusion, because it is basically a second density being that has given up its life for us. We put into it a good deal of stress and strain, all sorts of sorrow that it would not experience on its own. As an animal it would move according to instinct, if it was well, it was well and if it was ill and so forth, it would not be troubled with self awareness.

By being a self aware field of consciousness we put a great strain on this body and it suffers accordingly to the degree to which we have not recognized, or dealt with, or whatever, the material that’s being put in front of us.

As I say again, there is no self judgment necessary here. You may find that some difficulty that you’re having is part of what you needed in order to give you the slant on things that would teach you the lesson of love that you are learning at this time.

A lot of people are learning the simple, seemingly simple but very very difficult, lesson of self-acceptance, the realization that we are treasures, that our real selves are not this pile of chemicals, water and dust, but that we are infinite light beings and we thought a great deal of this opportunity to work pretty much in the dark on our spiritual selves because of the fact that decisions made on faith alone carry an enormous weight metaphysically speaking.

Outside of this illusion, before and after this illusion of third density things are going to be much easier for us in terms of harmony, but we are going to be able to make a great deal less progress per unit time, I guess you could say. Time is different apparently in each gradation of vibration, and at this point what we see as years and years and years, may look to our metaphysical self outside of this illusion like the snap of a finger or the blink of an eye.

It’s kind of hard to realize just how good the illusion is until you start asking yourself, well, what do I really know, what do scientists really know about this space and time and you’ll find as they go deeper and deeper and look for mass, they cannot find any mass, there’s the path of the electron, they can see energy, it’s a field, but they can’t find any mass, they simply have to assume it.

They can talk about inter-atomic distances but they still don’t have mass, they have energy, and I think that’s what there is: energy in motion. The motion is not random but free will which is affected by the choices we make. This is a very very important density to us, this is the density of choice, the choices that we have to make.

Moving on to personal relationships. Personal relationships are basically a matter of holding up a mirror to ourself. The first thing we look for in a relationship is not somebody that has a foolishly good opinion of us or an indiscriminately lousy opinion of us, but one who is actually in there working on his or her own consciousness and willing to engage with you at as deep a level as possible in forming a relationships which includes the Creator and which consists basically of pulling the load together so that each person is the teacher of the other.

Each person is the mirror in which the other sees the other. This sounds like double thinking but it really isn’t because the nature of oneness is such that we are basically each other. We’re made of the same stuff, love and light, and all of our apparent differences, are illusions within this illusion. The things that hold us tightly together in infinite eternity are those things which we hold in common, our basic nature, the fiber of our being which is love manifested in light and what we’re hoping to do in this incarnation is to make choices on a persistent basis for serving others so that our field of consciousness becomes stronger and stronger.

Now to use that field of consciousness on another person, to persuade that person, to dictate anything to that person, to try to change that person, to try to give helpful hints if they’re not asked for it, is an infringement on free will. If we are going to get into a situation where we love the other person, the first thing we have to give up is the judgment and we have to decide that we’re going to be as sacrificing of our time and our attention as we can be, because in my experience, if two people both feel that they are giving about 90% of the relationship and the other person is only taking about 10%, if both people feel that way, then the relationship is probably a good partnership.

It seems that in order to be good mirrors to each other we have a lot of sacrificial giving to do. There are times when we would like attention but we have to give attention. There are times when we would like to be consoled because we’re really unhappy about something but the other person needs it more. Now this can be taken to extreme and that extreme is martyrdom. And although that is laudable when for a really good cause, like the saintly cost like Jesus had of wanting to take on the sins of the world, that is probably the epitome of moving into fourth density, just giving everything that one has; jumping on the grenade so that our buddies don’t get hurt and killing ourselves in the process—the absolute surrender to sacrificial love to another.

In most cases, the key to relationships is not just the sacrifice, but the ability to communicate well, clearly, and without fear with another person. In other words, we’re not trying to get anything, but we are trying to tell the truth and the truth can hurt. And sometimes if a person that we dearly love engages us in conversation and is asking us a question and we answer it, we have to realize that in answering it accurately to the best of our ability is the service that has been requested.

If what we have to say is a bit painful we can say “I’m really sorry but I have this perception and this is what it is.” Then we have to be prepared that the other person is not going to accept that perception—is not going to want to look in that mirror.

We also have to accept the equivalent that if we ask our mate or friend, whatever person has become intimate with us and is able to work intimately with us, and we say “This is my situation, what do you see here,” the person may well say something to you that seems less than kind, but if the person is telling the truth as best he can, the person is being an accurate mirror to the best of his ability and that has to be respected.

It is not an easy thing to communicate and it is almost impossible to communicate with absolute clarity, but it’s worth the try.

So basically I would look in a relationship for people that make us feel good, people that we really like, people that we can go a distance with without dissolving into judgmental people that are scoring points on each other or “counting coo” as the Indians used to say, by one-upping each other or being bitter or insulting.

Our job here is to be gentle, accepting and forgiving and understanding to the best of our ability without asking for that back. That return will come hundred fold, a thousand fold, but not necessarily from that person. It’s bread cast on the waters and if you’re expecting to get anything back you’re bound to be disappointed again and again in a relationship and that’s why you have to check yourself out first.

The commandment of the New Testament that superseded all the “shall nots,” from the Old Testament is “Love the Lord, thy God with all your heart, all your mind, and all your soul, and all your strength, and Love your neighbor as yourself.” The kicker in there is that you have to love yourself first and not just the good parts, but the parts that you personally disapprove of and wish weren’t like that—we all have them.

So carry on in faith and don’t judge yourself because you will continually feel that you’re failing. It is absolute spiritual death to start taking your spiritual temperature and judging yourself. You’ll get so discouraged that you’ll go into stamp collecting or something (laughs) and not think any more about the infinite, the mystery and so forth. Like I said, we’re not just here to drown in catalyst, we’re here to look at it, to process it, to make it into experience and to do that in a creative way that maximizes our ability to radiate unconditional love.

This is basically a matter of surrender and when you’re dealing with a person that surrender can be mighty close and personal. You may think you have absolutely the right thing and you may be right, but there’s the simple truth that you can’t make somebody over to suit you and that person will change as they choose to change with or without your cooperation, so basically you need to be very independent and have your feet standing on very solid rock; the knowledge of yourself, the willingness to be faithful even through years or a lifetime of not experiencing the love that you are able to channel through yourself to others.

I know people who have that situation. One of them gives all of her volunteer time to us at L&L. She has never felt the comfort of faith since she was about 20 and she’s in her early 30’s now. But she keeps going because she has the faith that even in the desert she is really home safe and not dying of thirst because she is seeing that which is not about herself because of self judgment and so forth. I think we’re all wounded and have to see ourselves with that.

Whatever difficulties we have in relationships, that is, if we try to control it or if we allow others to control us, whatever way, we’re going to see the same thing in yellow ray, pretty much. Either we’ll feel helpless within our jobs or we’ll quit a lot and we’ll say “Well, this isn’t good enough for me, I’m controlling my destiny, I’m going to do something else.” That’s part of the human comedy really. We are moved by a destiny that we have chosen. It’s sort of like being willing to go to Chicago but not having a map. We may take a fairly direct route, we may be pretty unskillful and end up in China, but we’re still headed for Chicago, and I think the idea of a person on a journey back to the source is a very helpful one in any path. It’s just that we cannot live on spiritual truth alone, this is an incarnation where experience is based not just on being but also on engaging oneself in relationships with people and with social groups so that we achieve at last a compassion for this human comedy, shall we say, that is sometimes very black.

Joseph Campbell said “life is loss,” and that is very true if you think about it. Life is basically a death sentence seen from the standpoint of this illusion, from the moment we’re born it’s definite that we’re going to die, at least in this body, so it helps to be aware of that and not fuss about it because that’s the way things are with this body.

But the point is that this body, though it may be dust is capable of dwelling with the immediate presence of the infinite Creator and that’s pretty exciting.

Well, that’s what my guidance, such that it is, gives you for this first time. If you want more on any subject I would be perfectly happy to help you and as I said you must take that note literally—if you don’t have the money, then don’t send it; if you have money, L&L is happy to receive it, I myself do not take a penny, and it doesn’t make any difference to me. I do, however, greatly appreciate the help that you give to L&L by that donation and thank you very much for it on behalf of L&L.

It’s a service that I have a loved very deeply and don’t regret a bit of it. It seems to have pretty much put me in one place for the rest of my incarnation. I can’t actually even walk around very much, not because my whole body is a mess (fate has been very economical with me), my neck is just all screwed up. I was in an accident and had arthritis in the beginning and basically my neck can’t hold my head up any more, so I have pretty much given a lot of my life to this work but I really can witness to you that it is a hundred times worth anything to be in a path of service.

I don’t feel that a path of service has to be dramatic at all. I think the highest path of service on this planet is the raising of children. That’s excruciatingly difficult to do and no one can ever do it perfectly. Perfection is not an option on this density level. We’re always going to find ourselves coming up short so we just have to stop giving ourselves a hard time about that—forgive ourselves, contemplate that and try to heal that in ourselves by allowing the realization that we do have both sides, not just the bad side by the opposite, we have both in us and we’re working towards balancing it so that we cannot just give our personal best but rather balance ourselves so that as the catalyst flows through us a higher and infinite energy is able to flow through us in a way that radiates to people.

And believe me, people will not be able to ignore the fact that you have gained radiance. I’m sure you know yourself people that are perhaps in a lower state in life, a janitor or something, or in a higher state, it doesn’t really matter, but they are just obviously wonderful, love-filled people, and the secret of that is simply the surrender of the judgmental process, and you need to practice that on a daily basis.

So courage and good luck and let me know how I can help you further. As for us, our work goes on pretty well, I think. We have started a really exciting project earlier this year—another channel about my age and my circumstances—she had written to me first as a reader and we had corresponded for quite a while—has been coming down from Ann Arbor from time to time and we had our first mutual channeling session and she wants to do many more but she is busy in her own practice, so we don’t know how often we can get together.

We had ten sessions between Thursday night and Monday morning, about eight hours of material, all focused on fear and what was beautiful to see was not just that the information was going to be really helpful because we kept going from a basically Western type contact to a basically Eastern type contact. We were constantly getting a kind of triangulation on this particular subject.

We didn’t know that there was that much to put down about fear but it seems that Q’uo and Aaron, the two contacts, were just delighted in each other and seemed to spark each other, one comment would spark another and it went back and forth. I think if we do this, say, five to ten times, we will have a really good teaching tool, more for the beginner which I’m not really good at, that is, developing beginning material because I’m just limited by who I am and I’m not real good at introductory material, I kind of go too fast or take too much for granted, or people will write and say “I didn’t understand that.”

But I think that by having one subject dwelt upon in various points of view and taken from various sides that it will really be a good tool and that will be some time in the making, of course, but that’s what we got and we’ll make the best use of that time as we can.

We have a Book of Days ready to publish except that the person who has volunteered to illustrate it, a well respected artist that is at this point in transition, she was living in New York state, Jo Weber, she has volunteered to do line drawings for each of the thoughts for the day and was going to develop this. First of all we tried to publish it without the drawings (Jo hadn’t volunteered yet) and it was going to cost us $10,000 to publish it ourselves and we didn’t raise that much money.

We did raise about $2,500, all of which we sent back to the people, but we got about $2,000 of that back because people just sent our checks back to us and we really appreciated that because we were able to get some stuff for the office, a copier for instance, which makes things so much easier for both of us. And we got a new chair for Jim, the old one was a bit tattered.

So we do have things happening. Every week we have a meditation at 4:00 pm on Sunday, and anybody who has read any of our material is welcome to come. We keep ourselves very obscure here in town because we’re perfectly aware that this is not information for everyone and we would not want to disappoint people who would really like a psychic reading or somebody to read their hand or their tea leaves or their numbers or their stars.

We look at spiritual principles and see how they can be used as tools and resources for living a more beautiful and light-filled life.

I guess that’s about all about us. It’s beautiful in Kentucky this time of year, the leaves are just beginning to unfurl and the tulips are opening. Jim dearly loves to work in the yard and then he goes into retreat once every two weeks for a couple of days on the land we have north of here where it’s just total wilderness and has a real bad road into it which is how we were able to get it for about one-sixth of the expected cost of that land. It’s not inaccessible to four-wheel drive and not truly inaccessible to two-wheel drive with some weight in it, but it is not an easy road.

So Jim goes down there and he is completely by himself and I am completely by myself here. It’s very good for him because, as I said, I am, although healthy in mind, somewhat disabled as far as my physical body is concerned. Ra noted that it was a pre-incarnative condition and that it was necessary and that has been affirmed by every psychic healer I’ve been with. They just will not treat the arthritis, they’ll treat other things.

But I’me very healthy aside from the arthritis and the condition basically is to keep me from going full-tilt boogie in terms of doing things. Before I was disabled, I had my life filled with lots of volunteering, treasuring my friends by making things for them. I always prided myself on giving homemade things and not buying things for Christmas and birthdays. I love cooking, I love to iron, I’m just one of those people that finds a great deal of satisfaction in small tasks and just loving people.

My time was virtually block to block full of activity and that would be my nature to this day, I’m sure, were I not unable to do it. But I am unable to do it so for some years now my thoughts have turned inward and looked at the inward journey that we’re making and looked at the inward activities that are taking place in my head, and it’s a matter of radically redefining the service of doing to the service of being. This tape comes to you as much through my being as my doing.

I am speaking, but I didn’t know what I was going to say before I began. So I prayed before I began.

I wish you all the blessings in the world and thank you very much for the opportunity to offer a few opinions and just remember that they’re just opinions—I’m a bozo just like everybody else. I have been in this work for a while and I feel comfortable sharing thoughts with you at this point because so many people have said “That was helpful, thank you.” So I offer it, but if you don’t find it helpful don’t pay any attention to it, I have no desire to be an undue influence or authority in your life.

If I can’t be helpful in a gentle way I would not want to push you around mentally or emotionally, or anything. I do respect you as myself and I hope this letter is helpful. I will leave you, as they say in the Confederation, in love and light and in joy and in peace.

Cheerio and let me know if I can talk to you further,

Carla

  Skip Navigation LinksL/L Research Carla’s Niche Letter Tapes April 11, 1991

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