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ABOUT THE CONTENTS OF THIS TRANSCRIPT: This telepathic channeling has been taken from transcriptions of the weekly study and meditation meetings of the Rock Creek Research & Development Laboratories and L/L Research. It is offered in the hope that it may be useful to you. As the Confederation entities always make a point of saying, please use your discrimination and judgment in assessing this material. If something rings true to you, fine. If something does not resonate, please leave it behind, for neither we nor those of the Confederation would wish to be a stumbling block for any.

CAVEAT: This transcript is being published by L/L Research in a not yet final form. It has, however, been edited and any obvious errors have been corrected. When it is in a final form, this caveat will be removed.

Special Meditation

October 14, 1992

Question for S: The question we’re considering this afternoon for S is why things seem to have gone so far astray from the path that allowed her to provide the most service to others, and that was when her husband R was alive she had the opportunity of being in a mated relationship and of helping a family to communicate and to live together and to grow together and she felt that in that role she was able to provide services that were hers to provide. Now that R is dead she is faced with possibilities that just don’t feel like they are right—going to school and taking classes that she has no interest in and pursuing a career working outside the home, which also seems to be a dead end as far as interest and opportunity to be of service. The picture of her life seems to have a number of dead ends and we are wondering this afternoon what kinds of considerations should be foremost in her mind, what opportunities are presented by the seeming dead ends, is there something that she’s missing, is there something wrong with this picture, and if so what is it?

(Carla channeling)

I am Q’uo. Greetings to you, my special friends. We thank you for calling us to this circle of seeking and are most privileged to offer our opinions, with the understanding that we are not imbued with perfect knowledge. These thoughts are our opinions. Please choose those thoughts which aid and leave the residue behind.

Once, as the saying goes, upon a time all of those things in heaven and Earth, as this instrument would say, were one, and yet all existed in chaos. Into this chaos came one great creative Thought: love or the logos. At this timeless time each of you and we were already created, the manifested universe no less than your manifested selves is the intimate abode created to house and offer an environment to the spirit that each of you is. For millennia your peoples have sought and sought to discover by what means they might find a comfortable, pleasant and productive existence, they have sought help from inspirational words and from the myths of their cultures, yet none who has awakened to a realization of the nature of evolution are very comfortable in this house of Earth created so carefully for spirits to dwell in and learn.

How could this extreme discomfort be a part of the plan whereby love itself created an abode for those infinite parts of itself which it wished to offer experience to? How could such an unimaginably pure love create such pain and suffering? Once upon a time there was a point in your planetary sphere’s development when it became able to support third-density beings such as yourselves. The gift of self-consciousness was offered and accepted and the human animal form based upon instinct was sacrificed to the third-density consciousness. This consciousness is your infinite self. It does not work logically or sequentially but rather by deep feelings and the persistently held desires of a seeker. However, there are no outward signs which may tell you when your second-density instinctual brain is thinking and when your infinite consciousness is running the show, only by hindsight can a guess be made as to from what part of the complex being that you are this thought or action came from. The experience of loss, of overwhelming confusion may be received either by the brain which thinks in black and white and is forever subject to duality.

We pause to move this instrument somewhat deeper.

When the brain copes with pain and difficult suffering, it wishes either to attack or to flee or both. In contrast, the consciousness which carries with it eternity looks at the same catalyst, it functions as all self-conscious things do, to observe, to analyze, to figure out what is occurring. Once this has been done, the way consciousness works is to take all of this ideated material and let it sift down through the roots of the deeper mind so that at some point dreams, visions or certainties will be clear, clarifying in lucidity beyond words, not the particulars of transformation, but the feeling of surrender and acceptance of the catalyst which occurs.

As we blend with your vibrations we find that we need not spend long portions of our precious time with you in speaking of meditation and other spiritual disciplines. Indeed, we must turn about and encourage the consideration that short, even momentary times spent asking for the Creator and It’s silent messages are extremely effective. The time spent in company with the infinite One is timeless. The purified desire that leaves the seeker to the momentary thought of the Creator is the powerful portion of the meditation. The long sitting meditations are far more for the purpose of becoming a fairer observer, not becoming one with the infinite One. It is desire that moves each to that close relationship and continuing conversation with the Creator.

It is often assumed by those who are not on a spiritual pilgrimage that the greatest boon of living a spiritually oriented life is the peace of having made such a deep choice and, indeed, there is that peace of commitment to a life in faith. However, what those not on the path often forget or do not know is that the pilgrimage towards eternity, while greatly speeding up the pace of spiritual evolution, is terribly uncomfortable and inconvenient.

Each in this circle is already aware that he does not come from around here; that is, each is aware of being a wanderer. Into this particular experience come entities who must plunge into the darkness of illusion and live through an incarnation to be of service by the quality of consciousness. Each of you volunteered to be here. From the point of view beyond the third-density environment the suffering which each has gone through or now goes through seems to be a very small thing. Within the illusion it swells and seems to become overwhelming and as deadly as any disease of the body. We can only encourage each to turn from the questions of “why” long enough each day to spend a few moments or minutes with the infinite Creator. The answers are within and there is far more help than each here can imagine which is available to those who call upon loving positive discarnate energies.

We encourage this leaning upon the invisible company of those who would support you. As you ask within you will feel that sympathy in the depths of your heart and so will know that truly no one suffering suffers alone. The invisible company of those who love is there just as close as the breathing or the thinking.

Once upon a time two entities lived happily ever after. We know that few in the third density ever experience this fairytale, yet it is beyond all joy when such occurs. When one seeks hardest, on the other hand, for the fairytale romance then it comes that this is denied. This then places each, whether having loved truly or knowing no true love, in the position of wondering “Why?” May we remind each that it is well to seek the Creator’s will and in that seeking there is guidance available. This guidance may be found in any of your planet’s holy works. We would use this instrument’s Christian bias to state that it is said that those whom the Creator loves best are those who are tested.

As wanderers, you came for two reasons: to serve and to be tested. If there is comfort in knowing that the path that is in front of each now is the appropriate destined path designed by yourself then please take comfort in that. There is always in the illusion the feeling that to be without the heavy body and heavy experiences of third density would be greatly desired, yet as soon as the incarnation is naturally over the seeking spirit gazes backwards and thinks, “Why did I not learn more? What a great opportunity!”

Once upon a time, there was to each seeking soul a moment. For each here this moment has come, the great incarnational decision has been made, the positive path will be striven for. Now that each is committed to love the source of all and to love the self and all other selves there now remains only acknowledgement of any emotional feelings, recognition and respect for the unique suffering of your own lives and the true peace which is not a comfortable peace, that peace which is the knowledge that the path of your destiny is true and its aim is straight towards infinity.

When this path is through desert wastes and bleak wilderness there seems no hope. We urge each to encourage each other in the faith that this seemingly disharmonious and painful situation is the correct and worthwhile path. The grass, shall we say, is in truth not greener elsewhere.

We will come back to this instrument. However, we would wish to yield our speaking position in this instrument’s energy web to an inner planes entity. Please accept the pause necessary to open this particular channel. We leave you briefly in love and light. We are those of Q’uo.

I am Michael. In love and light I come to you to speak those words of comfort which we may offer. We would wish to share the acceptable to free will information that we can concerning the one known as R. This entity may now speak to some extent through this instrument …

I am so glad to talk to you, sweetie. Hi, I am with you. I am so pissed that I had to go and you had to stay. I wanted so much to stay if one of us had to stay. Why couldn’t it be me? I want you to know that there is never a single, single minute that I am not inside you, where I always wanted to be anyway. I am in your heart and I will never leave you. I just wish that Carla could make some cigar smoke and you could see me but this girl does not have that ability so I will just say, honey, you hold on and just flow because things are going to turn out. We did everything OK, and I know you will keep on doing that. I have to go but you know I am with you. Can I ask a favor?

S: Yes.

Will you talk to me sometimes and say the special things? I would really like that, just tell me what you feel and stuff. Good-bye for now.

I am Michael. We could not use this instrument further this day for inner planes work. We are sorry we had to cut the one known as R short of expressing the immense love and unity he feels. Yet he is well and the waiting will be only as a few minutes, so he is happily awaiting the one known as S when her learning is done in this incarnation and together there will be a new experience, new lessons, and new suffering so that the Creator may learn and learn and learn.

We would leave this instrument at this time that the one known as Q’uo may receive queries. If the one known as Jim wishes to channel, we shall transfer to this instrument at this time. We are those of Q’uo, and leave this instrument in love and in light …

(Jim channeling)

I am Q’uo, and greet each again in love and in light. At this time we would ask if there are any further queries to which we may speak?

S: Yes, I do talk to Ron a lot, I’m bothered by the fact that I feel so cut off from him, when he was here I was able to feel his presence, whether I knew he was there or not. When I kissed Ron for the last time in hospital he was still alive, I knew he was not in that body, he was gone. I no longer felt what I knew [as] Ron to be in that body, he was not there. And now I’m expecting, I think, to feel something when he’s with me and I don’t and that scares me, and I know on some level that he’s with me most of …

(Side one of tape ends.)

(Jim channeling)

… to approach you in the dream state and to communicate there his love and unity with you. There are many such dreams which are not in your memory but in which you and he have moved as one. If it is possible for you to again open a channel in your heart of the love of this life and experience there will be an easier means by which the one known as R may make himself known to you.

Is there a further query my sister?

S: That’s a tall order. Yeah I have another question. I’m really confused as to where … I feel unable to go on, and basically that sums it up in a nutshell. I lack the ability to go forward, I lack the desire, I feel a real strong sense of wanting to die, I don’t know where, I’ve tried to … oh god, this is going nowhere. I feel like I’m lacking the ability to continue, it almost seems as if life has come to a point where the test is am I or am I not going to kill myself, which I really don’t believe I will because I know there’s a big price to pay for that one, so I find myself praying and hoping … you know, it’s really strange that I watch a show on breast cancer, I’m thinking, gee, I hope I get that soon, you know, and I’ve just, I don’t know where to go from here, I don’t know where to get what I need to go on. I’m so confused and no direction seems right, but at the same time in practical manners, I don’t feel like I can sit back and wait for something to be shown to me, you know. I don’t want to wait to the point where I’m a bag lady, to hopefully get an answer, if it gets that bad, I won’t be around for the answer. If you could make any sense out of that?

I am Q’uo, and am aware of your query, my sister, and aware of the great pain and sorrow which are yours to bear at this time. We feel great sympathy for you, for the experience of love which you enjoyed with the one known as R seems at this time to have been cut short, when in the larger view of the lives which continue before and after this Earthly illusion there is but a moment’s experience to complete within this life, though it may take what you call years to do so.

We may suggest that you re-examine those basic beliefs which you shared with the one known as R. We are aware that you have brought many of them into question as a result of the death of your beloved, but we would recommend that you look to that faith most especially that each of you shared, that lives do continue, that there is a purpose, however seemingly absurd in this life for this life, and that you, in general, begin to build again the foundation of attitude and ideals that were your foundation with the one known as R.

There will be suffering and confusion throughout this illusion, for it is by such testing that these basic principles are forged in the fire of experience within each entity’s heart. Be gentle with yourself, not expecting too much, yet placing before yourself the goal each day of renewing faith in the fact that there are truly no mistakes within this illusion. There are great puzzles and riddles and experiences of confusion and doubt which each seeker of truth will find placed upon the path and with which each seeker must grapple.

We encourage you in your struggle and would hope to give comfort with the suggestion that as this experience of sorrow and grief continues, that there will be born within you the ability to withstand it and even to overcome that which seems to overcome you at this time. There is a great plan within each entity’s life which is the pattern, the dance within the illusion. Each entity has before the incarnation chosen this pattern in order that it might balance and intensify and refine those qualities gathered before this illusion that are felt to be of primary importance in learning of the mystery of creation and in the honor of service. Each entity must trust the destiny that has been chosen and fuel that trust with the will to persevere, knowing that even if confusion and sorrow and suffering have their day, there is the resolution at some point within this illusion so that each seeker will find the indication that it is truly upon the right path.

We know that a great deal of anguish has been your lot for this past year in your time measure and we cannot express enough our sympathy, for few within your illusion have had the harmonious, loving, honest relationship which you have been privileged to experience and to lose such is to lose a great, great deal. But we encourage you, my sister, to persevere beyond confusion, beyond doubt, in whatever way you can find to do so, realizing that you have chosen well the path you travel, though it moves at this time through a deep and dark valley. It is only the shadow of death that haunts you, whether it be yours or your beloved’s. There is truly no death, there is only life and the experience in this illusion has the purpose of verifying and ratifying the unity of the one Creator that can withstand even the most difficult of challenges.

You are not alone, my sister. You move not only with your beloved in your heart and in your mind but with a great company of lighted souls that rejoice at your every determination to continue and who offer support when your determination flags and seems to fail.

Is there a further query, my sister?

S: Yes, just briefly. Along this line of making decisions and things like that, I’m having trouble figuring out what criteria to follow. It seems like every decision that I make feels OK for the moment, but then comes to feel not OK, it doesn’t feel right. I think this was a bad decision, this isn’t working, this isn’t … I don’t get any good feedback from the decisions and I’m sensing that when I make a right decision I will get some sense of “Yeah, this is the right thing to do.” I haven’t really felt spiritually great about any decisions I’ve made—other than to stay on the planet, that I know is the right one—but if I make a decision and it doesn’t feel right and I want to back away from the decision, I’m confusing myself, you know, and what’s the best way to approach this decision-making process?

I am Q’uo, and am aware of your query, my sister. To make decisions is the great experience of this illusion, to use each opportunity to choose the light, to choose the love of that which is before you. This we know is difficult in itself, even under what you would call the best of the conditions that are to be found in this illusion. When you find yourself as you have with great sorrow and confusion, the making of decisions is even more difficult, but with this increased difficulty comes also the opportunity to reap the greater metaphysical benefit from even attempting the decisions.

As to how those difficult choices may be best made by you at this time, we can say very little for it is these very choices that will form your experience in what you call your future and will thereby provide the greatest opportunity for you to learn that which you have set before yourself to learn and to be of the greatest service to those about you.

To approach each decision from the aspect of seeking to serve and seeking to love is that suggestion which we find is most appropriate at this time. As you look to those whom you love and under whose care they are awaiting, shall we say, these choices is to place the welfare of these entities in the greatest position of responsibility. We perceive some difficulty in interpretation and shall find additional words for this concept. Those entities which are yours to care for are those whose welfare we see is of primary importance in your life, as is your own life’s journey and direction. Seek at each opportunity that presents itself to choose that opportunity which is most filled with love and service. This we find you are already attempting with a whole heart and we would reiterate our previous suggestion that if it is possible for you to once again open your heart in even the smallest degree of love for the life that is yours to live, then it will be easier not only to feel the presence of the one known as R, but to feel the direction that is yours to take, for it is the symbiotic love of life relationship—your love of life and life’s love for you—that will allow you to feel that your movement is guided and is appropriate.

We may suggest the taking of time in the beginning or end of your day or at any time when you can sit in an uninterrupted fashion, meditating upon the feeling within your heart and visualizing a channel of love opening there and feeling the connection with your life and the opportunities and challenges before you, opening so that you are able to move not just from the intellectual assessment of possibility, but more importantly are able to feel and move from the flowing of sensitivity of love from your heart and to your heart. If you can be regular in this meditative practice you can begin to build once again the feeling of connection to this life that has been severed by the death of the one known as R.

Is there a further query, my sister?

S: No. Thank you very much. I’ll work on that.

Carla: I have one. I would like to know something about an expectation that I didn’t have met. I expected if we did hear from R at all, that R would be like Don was after his suicide, that he would be laughing at how seriously he had taken everything and be in really good shape, but I felt an entity that was deeply enraged and really angry and a lot of things about having to leave S. Does that mean that he too has not been able to let go, that he is just holding on really hard? What’s going on here? Is it a personality shell that’s holding on like that? I’m just totally befuddled by the fact that he was experiencing a lot of negative emotions? I just wonder where is he, what form-making body, the between incarnations thing, what’s going on?

I am Q’uo, and I’m aware of your query, my sister. We are having some difficulty with this instrument but shall attempt a brief response. The one known as R spoke through your instrument in a manner which he felt would be of the greatest service to the one known as S, for the one known as R is of the awareness that the one known as S has great sorrow and suffering at this time and though he is well aware of those principles of love, light and unity which both shared during his incarnation, it was his opinion that the one known as S would be more comforted to know that he also felt a great splitting and loss when it came his time to depart the incarnation, for each of these entities had plans which did not include such an early departure, shall we say.

The one known as R resides within the green-ray body this time, that body that is imbued with love and compassion and great passionate emotion. This entity is busying itself with the refining of those lessons that it was able to learn and process within its incarnation and awaits, as the entity known as Michael mentioned, the movement of the one known as S from this incarnation and awaits this rejoining with great joy, knowing that should the incarnation of the one known as S last many, many years in your measure, it will be but a brief moment as time is reckoned within the illusion now enjoyed by the one known as R. This entity has fulfilled its purpose, yet wished, as most positively-orientated entities, to do far more and to be of even greater service and sorrows that this was not possible. Yet, this entity knows that all is truly well and offers its encouragement in its own way at this time and shall continue to do so.

Is there a further query, my sister?

Carla: Just a follow-up. Is he with Don?

I am Quo, and I’m aware of your query, my sister. We find that the ones known as R and Don are members of a great grouping of entities of light that serve this planet at this time in a manner which is likened to a group consciousness, though each remains individualized in intention and ability to express love and to serve in a unique fashion.

Is there a further query, my sister.

Carla: No, thank you Q’uo.

I am Q’uo, and again we thank you, my sister, Is there a final query at this time?

(No further queries.)

I am Q’uo. It has been our great privilege to offer our selves and our opinions at this circle of seeking. We are grateful to be asked to serve in this manner and we cannot express enough the joy that such opportunity gives us. We thank you, my friends, and we hope that some of the words spoken this day may bring comfort to each heart present. We can only remind each doughty seeker that this illusion will test each fiber of your being and will refine your desire to seek and to serve. That is what this illusion is constructed to do and though it seems that it is a long and torturous journey it is in your larger span of life but an eye-blink in eternity and you shall be most grateful to have had the opportunity to experience this illusion when the opportunity has gone and you have found yourself on the other side of this illusion, shall we say, rejoicing for what you have gained, rejoicing even more for what you have given, for as the one known as R was well aware of, the love that you take with you is the love that you make.

We are those of Q’uo, and we leave you at this time in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. Adonai, my friends. Adonai.

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