January 13, 1991

(Carla channeling)

Q’uo

I am Q’uo. Greetings to each of you in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. It is a privilege to be called to your group at this time to speak upon the adversarial relationship between mates. First, however, we would note, for your interest and [inaudible], the absolute beauty of a great portion of your planetary sphere’s inhabitants’ prayers as they rise from the mundane events which cause them into planes of intercession, healing, forgiveness, and enlightenment.

My brothers and sisters, we cannot stop your wars, nor would the Creator. These are energies within you which have not yet been balanced. That balancing is a portion of your learning. There is a correspondingly drastic amount of negative energy upon the Earth plane at this time which is only inevitable since the harvest grows nigh, and, indeed, has begun occurring on an individual basis, as those who are capable, upon leaving their incarnations, choose to take the walk of light and discover the density of their next abiding and learning place.

Your beauty is transcendent, your prayers heartfelt, and given every support by those of positive orientation, whatever the nature and manifestation of your consciousness and personality. So, although events look hopelessly muddled upon a mundane level, there is great polarization taking place, both for those positively oriented and those upon what many have not yet determined as the negative path. Many are moving along this path at this time who will, predictably, reverse the nature of that polarity when the difference between imagined carnage and real carnage is made clear by some personal experience.

We ask you to look at these days not with trepidation and not with fear, but with enormous compassion. There will be, regardless of future events, great grieving and suffering among all peoples. We do not know what will occur in the future. It is always in the hands of free entities to choose the destiny of a people. Some of these free entities are imprisoned within their minds by concepts neither positive nor negative. This is a great confusion upon the mundane level. We ask you to move beyond it, and to be a portion of the ceaseless cry of prayer and supplication that rises so beautifully, so deeply, so richly at this time from your planetary surface, rises to the infinite One in glory and beauty. Know that your prayers are heard. Know that you are not forgotten.

We move now to a more personal, intimate point of view with regard to that within third-density entities which contributes not only to war and the possibilities thereof, but also to what is called an adversarial relationship, whether it is between friends, family members, enemies or mates. Let us gaze for a moment at the basic truths to which we will be contrasting experience within the illusion.

The most basic truth is that all that there is is created of one Creator, and of one material. Love has chosen to move into being through the use of light. When we greet you in love and light, we greet you as all that there is in all that there is, hoping to imply the spiritual reality that all are one. The most you may experience normally within third density is harmony. You are not just harmonious entities, you are One. You are truly each other. As you love others, you love yourself.

Our second background proposition to you is our opinion that the mated relationship, indeed, any close relationship, seems especially biased against the possibility of doing great spiritual work because inevitably neither entity in such a relationship is at one with itself. Thusly, all relationships, to the extent that the disharmony in one and the disharmony in the other can be multiplied, will result in a certain strength of collision. The more discordant the vibrations of each, the greater the impact of the collision.

We speak in metaphysical terms, but the motion of emotion, and its vector, are both important concepts to consider when examining disharmony between two mates. The energy that is being experienced subjectively has a certain intensity depending upon the degree and the kind of disharmony in the entity. The vector of that energy, which is of a negative nature, is a free choice also, and may be pointed inward towards the self, or outward towards others, or it may be ignored because of guilt or other reasons, repressed, and thereby become a fixed and unmoving solidity of disharmony.

Thusly, no matter how subjectively miserable it makes a spiritually oriented entity to speak disharmoniously, it is at all times far more appropriate for service to others entities to move any expressions of emotion whatsoever into clear and honest expression than to keep it within the self that it may putrefy and sicken the self in one way or another, because the energy of that disharmony must express itself. If it is not expressed as catalyst by the mind and the emotions, it shall move into the body complex and create disharmony within the second density manifested entity which is the temple or tabernacle within which your consciousness meets the infinite Creator during this incarnational experience.

From this beginning, you may perhaps see that we shall start not with two entities, but with one, for the source of disharmony is fear, fear of one kind or another. When there is disharmony it is well first to move within the self and ask the self to look at the expression that was disharmonious, not the other’s expression, but the expression of the self. Examine it not for excellence—you are not a judge—but examine it to discover the underlying fear.

We may use an example. A common negative emotion which creates disharmony between entities is jealousy. As this is specifically not the situation of the precise couple asking the question, we feel this is a better and more general concept to work with using this instrument, for the instrument must be to some degree protected against the temptation to offer the specific advice regarding the self while in this altered state of consciousness.

Why would a woman or man in third density experience jealousy? The experience of jealousy is linked to the fear of loss, which creates anger, which creates guilt, which creates a host of echoing and re-echoing discordant emotions within the self. Let us look at the entity who has attracted this negative emotion. Let us say that this entity is innocent. Why is this entity experiencing the adversarial negative emotion? Largely, the innocent entity who is experiencing jealousy is experiencing the fear of being utterly misunderstood and misjudged. It is angry because it does not like to be kept in a cage, and the emotion of jealousy in an active phase is the making of a very small prison for an entity.

If the entity is guilty of that action because of which the mate is jealous, that entity is also fearful. What is it afraid of? Perhaps it is afraid of losing that which has been comfortable, useful and kindly in its life experience, the settled home, the children, the family experience, and this fear creates anger and frustration and the feeling of being alone. Indeed, the feeling of being alone, bereft, stranded, abandoned and forgotten is at the heart of the great majority of the day-to-day fears which create in entities an adversarial inner relationship between the portion of the self that is devoted to unity, peace and concord, and the part of the self that is devoted to protecting its boundaries, enlarging its fortune, creating greater comfort or happiness, however petty or great.

Thusly, in those who are of one piece, those who have developed a personality that is seamless, they are not open to the experience of adversarial relationships, because in themselves they have no adversary. All of themselves is focused in one direction. May we say that this entity is seldom found among your people, but that it is very frequently an hoped for ideal. The unity of the self is in little [i.e. in miniature] the unity of the creation. Peace within any relationship betwixt two people involves the illusion of war because the progress of any one person in third density includes the experience of hard won wars. There is almost always a significant amount of friction in at least one substantive area of the personality in which part of the self feels one way, part another, and instead of being content to allow that balance to go forward until it has resolved itself, entities push and probe and pull at themselves emotionally and analytically, attempting a sort of Band-Aid treatment of that which is as deep as the Grand Canyon.

It is the wounded entity that is truly at war. All other expressions of disharmony come from this adversary relation of self to self. It is, therefore, never intelligent to work upon another without regard to the self, for there is no right and wrong, there is only disharmony. We do not say this to include acts of needless or unprovoked violence of a random kind. We say this to express the opinion that entities need, when faced with disharmony, to turn not outward, but inward, for within the self are the seeds of all negative as well as all positive expressions of mind, thought, emotion or action.

How does one go about this? As always, the daily meditation, perhaps at the beginning, perhaps at the end, perhaps both times, in the amount of time needed by the individual, is the daily bread that enables all of the spiritual work which you wish to do, for your energy to do this work comes not only as the gift of the infinite Creator in the very creation of the self, in the way the physical vehicle is able to internalize the infinite energy of the infinite One, it is also a matter of focusing that energy, of experiencing from intelligent infinity, by this calling for love and light, that immediate presence that is the fruit of faith.

Now that each is aware that each is responsible for the self, we would offer our opinions concerning the mated relationship, its—to us—quite obvious advantages, and its—to you—quite obvious disadvantages. The great advantage and the great opportunity for disadvantage in the mated relationship is one and the same thing. Entities without the intention of going through difficult times as well as good are excellent mirrors for a time. But insofar as honest discussion and expression of disapproval and so forth is repressed, the relationship will remain distant, and it is the very intimacy of relationship that makes it both extraordinarily worthwhile spiritually, and often extraordinarily difficult.

When an entity perceives the true kinship and potential unity of the mated relationship, especially, it seems wonderful. To some few, who either do not have the wit to be disturbed, or the wisdom not to be disturbed, there is no particular down side. This is true of perhaps a handful of entities upon your planet at this time, compared to the vast normalcy of friction and subjectively experienced pain from intimacy. However, the discussion of instruments within this circle recently produced an image which we may use to good effect. That is the image of the cocoon. When entities choose the mated relationship, they are temporarily, in a romantically oriented marriage, not quite well. They are ill, they are ill with too much giving. Because of the tremendous attraction that brings people together romantically, mates often begin with extremely unhuman concepts of the capabilities of third-density entities, including themselves. All that has been said has been delightful, company has been enjoyed, and even though it may be spoken intellectually that this has been a Sunday relationship and is now going seven days a week, the impact of this upon the psyche cannot be gauged.

Think of the image of the cocoon in winter. From the outside it looks protective, smooth and comforting. Upon the inside every available space is crammed with life and food, consciousness and catalyst. In a mated relationship two entities agree before the infinite Creator and in its presence to live as one entity serving the infinite Creator. This is a magical and profound promise, a covenant. Each of the mates has expressed its co-Creatorship, and a new entity for use within your illusion has been born. It is difficult to remember that there are not two, but either one or three entities in that cocoon. There are those who would express oneness by saying that as each portion of the creation is the Creator, there is only one entity in this womb that produces so much beauty. Just as legitimate is the opinion that there are three, the self, the mate and love itself, the one infinite Creator, Who has become the bridge between the self and the mate, enabling two singular entities to harmonize, strengthen the strong points, release the weaker points in terms of harmony, and create an entity, that together with a full heart and merry laughter, may continue long and without the burnout of being solitary which afflicts many of your peoples, in polarization of the service-to-others aspect which is so very profoundly the great mover and shaker spiritually for one who seeks the acceleration of the pace of spiritual evolution.

Now, if an entity is unable to deal with the concept of being in a cocoon, and being crowded, then there is that within the self which may not have the most rapid growth in the ability to deal with the petty disagreements which excellent and truly loving entities still always seem to offer. This is as it should be. How could you learn if you did not have catalyst? The placing of two entities this closely together is that created by the Creator as an opportunity for two to do intensive, accelerated work which neither could do by the self. It is an invitation to a series of seemingly disastrous misunderstandings and a seemingly endless chain of negative emotion and pain.

Within the illusion, this is what change and transformation feel like. It does not feel good to release the portions of the self that are not able to come into harmony with portions of the other self. This does not mean that entities need to change in order the be active and powerful co-Creators of beautiful, service-filled lives. It simply means that each entity has its lessons to learn, and although it can learn them through the random catalyst of strangers, acquaintances and the indifferent friends and family, yet the more intimacy that is in any relationship, the more the opportunities for disagreement, debate, confusion, hurt, guilt and many other seemingly negative experiences which may, by the free choice of an entity who is spiritually aware, be perceived as opportunities for service, for learning and for growth.

To become truly intimate is to release the self from its strictures, for true intimacy, within the illusion of third density, is found only by guess and by hunch. One may do work upon one’s own consciousness and one’s own personality to attempt to eradicate pettiness, meanness, the irritability, the friction. But just as you cannot deny any degree of the 360 degrees of the third-density personality, so you cannot get rid of any of those degrees within this illusion.

Consequently, in all but the most—we shall use this instrument’s word—saintly, there are the variations in behavior which predict with great probability continuing disharmony, as normally innocent entities—that is, innocent of malice—discover themselves misunderstood, disturbed, distraught or upset by the actions not only within the self, but some action, speech or thought which the mate has had.

Now, you are in a cocoon and you are facing each other. By this cocoon of mating with commitment until death the entity agrees to accept the conditions of intimacy. How can one become nonadversarial? The first step, needless to say, lies completely within the self. Look through the life experience in any way deemed appropriate, with an eye to discovering recurring themes of discontent, recurring triggers for fear and the often extremely biased and difficult to understand actions of those who fear. As the entity known as Aaron has said, do not gaze at the situation, as it is a symptom [of fear]; gaze instead at the fear until you grasp what you fear, and with what method you wish to welcome love and allow fear to go its way.

This is an ongoing process which must be done by the self of its own free will. A mate can suggest, but it can never do the work of another. Often the more advanced within third density entities are, the more difficult the hands they deal themselves within a life experience, for they wish, knowing the value of third-density decision making, to have the opportunity to make unifying music, harmonious solutions to scratchy, discordant, relationships.

Once the self has done all the work that it can at one particular time in scratching the surface of this area of fear, do not feel that it is arranged, fixed or repaired, for the levels of emotion which come to the surface in an intimate relationship through a process of many years are those that move deeper and deeper into the self that is below the door sill or threshold of consciousness.

Now, some are within this cocoon. Most of those within this cocoon do not know its nature, or the reason for the discomfort. It is not simply the closeness to another entity. It is the mirroring effect brought to a state of honesty not possible to be offered by those who are not privy to the especially private moments, be they happy or sad, which occur between two people alone. Indeed, this is true of every relationship in which the self is committed in some degree. Close friends of whatever kind may also do work together, but they must be willing to be repeatedly uncomfortable.

After one has done all the work that is possible within the self at a particular time, it is temporarily a friendlier mirror, a kinder reflection, to the mate. However, each of you is not intended to find it easy to be of a positive polarity at all times. There are various, and often subjectively confusing cycles of energy within the mind, within the body, within the emotions and within the spirit. The combinations, in their endless variance, of the particular energies at a given moment will cause the most stable and unified entity to behave in seemingly various ways. Although there is a general tenor of character and personality in the kind of events, there is no aforeset series of actions, beliefs, thoughts and beingness upon which one may count, not for anyone, not at any of your times. Each entity is free, within that cocoon, but free. If it does not wish to become a butterfly it may leave the cocoon, and be pupa and larva and so forth once again, eating and growing and preparing.

The state you call marriage is that cocooned, protected state in which two entities vow to enhance their service to others by joining together, and to enhance each other’s personal polarity, creation and creation of service to others, each for the other. It is an absolute ideal which flies in the face of the illusion. It is a claiming of eternity where before there was a passage of time betwixt physical birth and physical death.

Now, there are many who do not experience this in the marriage ceremony or in the marriage. This does not mean it is not real. It means that it has been unnoticed, unvalued and unused. Those who asked this question wish to use the cocoon in which they have placed themselves for the purpose of supporting each other, and supporting an enhanced collaboration for the service of humankind. When the relationship, because of outer or inner circumstances, may change, then there is outward as well as inward pressure placed upon the close knit intimacy that has gone before. Each entity, then, is experiencing two separate kinds of catalyst: the catalyst from within, the catalyst from without.

The catalyst from within comes as two entities discover their helplessness. It is not usual for entities which are not in a stressful position to experience helplessness. It is the nature of each entity’s instinctual mind to protect the self. Thus, one goes from protecting the self from one’s own negative 180 degrees, to protecting the self from the negative 180 degrees of an intimate other self. This protection is done, as always, through the fear of annihilation. Entities so close must, at last, it is thought, blow apart because they cannot breathe.

We suggest to you that this image of the cocoon is that of a cocoon without substance except for light. It is indeed a place for transformation. It is indeed a place where every ounce of humility and humbleness and peacefulness and compassion for the self and for the mate will be endlessly useful. But at heart, the only answer to fear is love itself, whether it is expressed in faith, in expressions of hope, or in a simple, inarticulate embrace, indeed, expressed in any way whatsoever that is understandable by the two within the cocoon.

This is the key to moving into harmonious mirroring once again, to remember that you are truly inharmonious not with the other, but with the self, and that the other has been a mirror to you, a painful, honest and rather irritated mirror. This does not mean it is necessary to placate the mirror. It is necessary only to give thanks for that mirror that is causing you, seemingly, such pain, for it enables you to grapple with spiritual principles and issues of which the self has not been aware.

It is very difficult for a well working spiritually oriented mated couple to be blind-sided and surprised by the difficulties of mundane life, for in that mated relationship which is sturdy, the structure has been built with love, with creative love. That cannot be defined, but we may say that romance is not a deep portion of the relationship that achieves oneness, but rather love itself, and the shared work of creating a stable and unified home of love. That is the beauty of the successful, continuingly agonizing, but continuingly hoping and thankful cocooned mated couple. Two people seeking together, trusting themselves, trusting each other, and trusting in love.

Hope, trust, charity, love; these are only words. The reality lies deep in your hearts. Move, you poor in heart, into the richness of the heart visited by infinity, and see butterflies dancing amidst a metaphysical field of infinitely beautiful flowers. This is a gift you are paying for that will not be delivered within the incarnational experience for longer than moments at a time. You see the struggle, you see living in a sardine can, living in a cocoon. We see the maturation of a thing of surpassing spiritual power, delicacy and beauty.

We thank you for this extremely interesting question, and feel that it is especially interesting as so many among your people are dealing first with the war that is outside, and perhaps only then becoming honest enough to see the planes of Megiddo within the heart of every third-density entity. Yes, you struggle, and may we encourage you to struggle, wrestle, fight or relax, and rest and observe, completely depending upon each entity’s personality and needs. It is indeed greatly worth the doing, and is in fact the beginning of the learning process that creates the social memory complex. It begins with you and yourself. Come into harmony with that precocious, maddening self. Forgive it, love it, accept it, and you shall be prepared to work at your lessons of love as mates.

We wish all mates strength and courage and persistence, for love is far more than you think it, and each mated entity is the beginning of love made visible, even in third density. Lose not your interest in psychic greeting, but with these thoughts observe for yourself those opportunities created by a lack of humbleness as regards the nature of the self.

We apologize for speaking overlong once again. Indeed, we have never been more surprised to find the time pass. We feel this instrument is moving more and more away from awareness of time. It is not giving us data because it does not have it. Although this is acceptable to us, if there is a desire for a shorter format, we might suggest some outer stimulus, for without this instrument’s awareness of the passage of time, we have none. We would appreciate your aid if you wish us to speak more economically. Let us know not when the time to speak is through, but when, perhaps, there are five or ten of your minutes before the desired end, and we shall do our best to comply. We leave this matter in your hands and in your free choice, for we are always willing to speak as much as you would desire.

We would like to close this instrument through the one known as Jim. We leave this instrument in love and light and in joy that we have been able to offer our opinions to you. We do hope most humbly that some of what we say may be helpful, and, as always, ask each to take only those things which are helpful, abandoning the rest as truths not for them. I am known to you as Q’uo, and I transfer at this time.

(Jim channeling)

I am Q’uo, and greet each again in love and in light through this instrument. If we have not overworn our welcome, we would ask if we might be of further service by tending to any queries that you may have at this time. Is there a query with which we may begin?

Carla

[Inaudible. Essentially, Carla said she would have to review and digest the material given and then would probably have questions at a later time.]

Q’uo

I am Q’uo. Then we are satisfied that we have served to the fullest extent possible at this time, and we are very, very grateful to have been able to share that which we have shared with you. We find that these gatherings are delicate in their tuning and powerful in their desires to know more of that truth which shines equally upon all. We thank you for offering your queries, your desires, and your selves to these circles of seeking. We are thrilled at the light that is generated here, and we shall take our leave of this group at this time, leaving each, as always, in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. We are known to you as those of Q’uo. Adonai, my friends, adonai.