January 18, 1993

[This session was preceded by a period of tuning and meditation.]

Q’uo

Greetings once again, my friends, in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. We are those of Q’uo, and wish again to express our and the one known as Aaron’s joy at being called to your circle of seeking to offer our humble opinions upon the subjects of interest to you at this time and place in your journeys along what this instrument calls the king’s highway.

Upon this highway you are neither old nor young, male or female, wealthy or impoverished. You are one who journeys as the prodigal son and daughter, having been flung far from your source of being. Now you move through illusion upon illusion in the twilight dream within a dream which is incarnational experience. As you sit here, each seeker has the sorrows of unfulfilled hopes, expectations and love. Each feels the pang of suffering. And yet, each is still attempting to find solutions to the suffering rather than finding space and time within to allow each portion of experience, including suffering, to have a hospitable room to dwell in while it visits you.

The illusion boldly states that you are here to find solutions to your problems and puzzles. It is our opinion that a more realistic view suggests that solutions are irrelevant to the process of journeying along the king’s highway. What is much more important is that you ask better and clearer questions concerning this journey. This journey helps define your relationship with yourself by suggesting that there is a loving, nurturing home from which, at some point, you have departed in order to gain experience. The process of gaining this experience is, at its best, a messy one and one which persists in being contradictory, enigmatic and unsolvable. Your position as seeker, then, is one of remembrance of home and hope of return to this home. Between the beginning and the end of this journey, here each is.

As the moment comes for you to suffer, we can suggest that this model of beginning, middle and ending insists that there is a nurturer connected intimately with home, which accompanies you and is a deep portion of you. It does not offer surface comfort, but by its beingness within you it offers a context within which you may see your right relationship to your suffering self.

You chose carefully the incarnational destiny you now are in the process of experiencing, adding to your curriculum those courses or lessons concerning love which you and the Creator felt were appropriate. Thusly, you have created for yourself a destiny, or rather a destination or series of destinations towards which you inevitably shall move. Free will is maintained within this general destiny because you have the choice at any time as to how you shall travel. For instance, from this place you can reach Indiana across a bridge in about half an hour; or you can visit the Greek Islands, stop over in the Orient and return over the pole to Chicago, driving thence south to Indiana. Your Indianas are destined, but not the duration or complexity of your travel.

Knowing that your relationships are of one nature, whether they are with the Creator, discarnate entities, strangers, friends or your nearest and dearest ones, you may perhaps see that both within the illusion and within your own internal cosmology there exist many models for nurturing. When the moment of suffering occurs, your nurturing part can say within you, “I hold you with deepest love and rock you in the cradle of my love.” The parent does not only hold and comfort the quiet or good child, but offers nurturing and comfort in difficulty as well.

Can you refrain from self-judgment when next you begin to be out of tune with yourself, and instead allow the nurturer within to cradle you in your distress? What we are suggesting is that living as you know it will always be a messy, difficult affair. And the spirit within wishes to nurture that very confused entity just as it is—spots, dabs, stains, dust and all. Its reaction to seeing you hurt is not to ask if you should be hurt. The nurturer goes for the Band-Aid and the cleansing swab. Then that nurturer gives you a pat and sends you back to play again. Beyond any solutions to interpersonal relationships, this nurturing is all-important for the seeker to have faith in and rely on. This being said, we would like to take a look at the ways in which one may maximize communication to others by communicating with the Creator and with the self on a continuing basis; for the unclear communications are frequently as much a matter of ignorance as they are a matter of actual difficulty.

At the beginning of this series of sessions the query boiled down to, “How can we serve others without extinguishing our own needs?” Let us look at those needs.

The need of the eternal being which you are is to continue to gather experience. All experiences are equal to the eternal Self. Much difficulty has been deliberately placed before each by the self. A grounding in this aids in communicating with the self, for there is that voice of the little child self which asks, “Why must I hurt? Why must I change? Why must I be disturbed?” When the self can answer, “This is your job. You have to be disturbed in order to learn something new,” then the attitude with which you enter into the sometimes less than joyful experience of gaining experience may be softened.

We would at this time yield to our brother, the one known as Aaron. We are those of Q’uo.

Aaron

I am Aaron. My joyful thanks to my brother/sister Q’uo for the clarity of its teaching. At the end of its words, Q’uo has chosen to remind us that you are here to gather experience. Some of that experience is painful. Some is joyful. Some is comfortable and some distinctly uncomfortable. We have previously discussed the difference between pain and suffering. When it is painful, that is not pleasant; but there is only suffering when you become stuck in the illusion and begin to grasp at changing what is. It is not the discomfort of an arising physical or emotional sensation that causes your suffering. It is your aversion to what arises.

You are each asked to live with one foot in the illusion and one foot in ultimate reality. You straddle a threshold like actors in a play. You play a role here. And, like actors, you must play that role as if it matters. You must involve yourself in the illusion if there is to be learning, otherwise you might as well not have chosen incarnation; and yet, there still must be awareness. Just as the actor must have awareness that he plays to an audience so as not to turn his back on that audience, not to muffle his speech, so you must maintain awareness of your true Self while performing the myriad functions of the human personality.

When you are stuck in the small ego self, then connection is lost. That ego screams and kicks, as we spoke of earlier, fearing that its needs will not be met. If you dismiss that as illusion and disassociate yourself from it, there is the comfort of dwelling in the spiritual plane but there is no learning. And there is still duality because, at some level, disassociation is created by a separate self seeking to protect itself.

As you straddle this threshold, there seems to be a wall, an infinite wall, that divides day from night, fear from love, separation from connection. With practice you learn to allow this wall to dissolve and begin to transcend the duality which is the product of delusion. Then you learn to be in this discomforting situation without struggling, skillfully looking to resolve it in the ways in which that is possible, but also allowing the experience. You watch with the wisdom of your Higher Self. You find the ability to smile at this ego that keeps re-emerging. In short, you find the ability to be with the whole span of your being, not to prefer the physical and its sought-after pleasures, not to prefer the spiritual form nor to seek the bliss of merging yourself in that oneness which is the spirit’s foundation. Instead, there is a coming together of the whole, an integration.

In October we ended our sessions speaking of faith and prayer without ceasing. We spoke of living in faith. As you allow yourself to move beyond the limits of the small ego self and recurrently experience, through meditation and through awareness, your connection with all that is, you stop struggling like a fish out of water with the experiences that life brings. As you relax into the incarnation, faith does deepen. Increasingly you find the ability to be more undefended when you are threatened. It is a matter of practice. Could you catch a ball the first time it was thrown to you? Sometimes a human child is afraid of a ball; and instead of reaching out its hands to catch, it simply bats it away. It moves to protect itself. Practice teaches it the skill of collecting that ball into itself.

As you relax the struggles with the incarnation and make the skillful decision to let go of some of the fear, as you allow yourself to experience this undefendedness, those seeds of deeper love and wisdom, of compassion and loving-kindness within your heart, begin to flower. So much of the frantic kicking and screaming—“What about me? Will I have time for what I want? Will attention be given to me? Will I be nurtured?”—so much of that frantic activity simply winds down. You begin to see from a higher perspective. Then, as Q’uo has suggested, you begin to embrace rather than condemn this human incarnation, this actor on the stage that is sometimes caught in the illusion.

I ask you to remember that the qualities of compassion and loving-kindness are natural to you. They are your natural state. When fear arises, it blocks the natural expression of love. It is neither useful to grasp at the love nor to attempt to get rid of the fear.

Coming back to a concrete example, suppose there is one who makes requests of you that seem, in your mind, to lead you to deny your own need. There you are with one foot on each side of the threshold, one foot in the illusion, saying, “I can’t do this!” or, “Why does he or she keep demanding this of me?” Back to our A and B—it is simpler than constantly saying he/she, and I do not wish to assign any specific role to one sex or the other. ¹ “B keeps asking this of me. B is so frightened. Why does not B do it itself? If I keep serving B, I will not have any time left for me.” Anger arises, fear arises and, like that fish out of water, it just plops about. On the other side of the threshold is that level of clear seeing that says, “This is illusion. I am spirit. I am connected.” Compassion arises for B. But there is distortion because there is no connection seen between the two perspectives. It becomes an either/or proposition to give or to receive.

When fear arises, self-discipline and courage may lead you not to act on that fear and greed. Here, awareness may dissolve this wall so that the human with its fear and greed and the spirit with its high aspiration merge, so that you see the whole range of your behavior. This clear seeing allows a level of faith: “No matter how much I dislike the situation I am in, it is just where I need to be. I am safe. I can experience this discomfort without closing in my armor, without further protecting myself.” You remind yourself over and over, “I am safe. I can allow the fullness of experience.” The fear of the human combines with the deep sorrow and loving aspiration of the spirit, which sees its perfection but because of its human aspect cannot manifest that perfection. What deep sorrow is there. But the more you keep your heart open to all of it, the more struggle falls away.

It is here that the heart begins to notice the prayer without ceasing. As Q’uo said yesterday, you already do that, you are just not yet aware of it. The divine aspect of yourself is always in deepest connection with the Divine. How could it be otherwise? When you allow the presence of fear and discomfort, have faith that you are where you need to be and allow yourself to be open and vulnerable, to let go of security; then the heavens open and you come back in intactness of a body, mind and spirit to your connection with the Divine. Here again is the place where the question does not need to be asked, “What shall I do about B’s demands?” A simply knows from the wisdom of its own heart.

I do not mean to imply that this work is simple. It is anything but simple. But, my friends, it is the work of all of your lifetimes, this steady progression from government by fear to response of love. Each small step you take on this, to use Q’uo’s terminology, king’s highway is wonderful. You, in your race, are only concentrating your attention on the road. If you would lift your head and look around you, you would see the cheering multitudes watching your every step, indeed, throwing rose petals on the road before you. They may not cover all the jagged rocks, but they are there. Can you open your eyes and begin to see yourselves as we see you?

I would like to transfer the discussion to my brother/sister Q’uo, with my thanks for this opportunity to share my thoughts. That is all.

Q’uo

I am with the instrument. I am Q’uo, and greet each of you in love and light.

We turn again and again to the moment of suffering in relationship, asking each to look with new eyes upon this frequently occurring center of experience both of joy and of sorrow and suffering. Each is A. Each is also B. This is helpful to remember when there is the suffering within relationship.

Clear communication can be of three kinds. Each is skillful, each is useful, according to your own judgment. The first clear communication is to sit down with your B and state each messy and confused feeling using sentences which begin with the word I. In this communication you are not attempting to break loose of the illusion but are expressing, with words which picture and mirror the illusion, the feelings and impressions that you have of the situation which has resulted in your choosing to suffer. This sharing ends with the request for the B to express similarly its own I, its own unapologized-for ego self. Egos are useful things to you. They run your physical vehicle, keep it warm, clothed and fed, and deliver you to the doorstep of each spiritually vital experience. They are to be honored and respected, both yours as A, yours as B and others whether they be your B or not.

Now if the B in your soap opera or drama is not willing to express its ego self, the next way of clear communication is of the self with the self, saying to the self all of the “I “ statements. Allow all of the intense realizations of this suffering to be expressed, then respect that within yourself. This, then, can be that which you turn to your B: the face of one who suffers and is willing to abide its ego self, respected and allowed its voice. It is a lonelier form of clear communication, but it enables As which cannot speak within the illusion to Bs to stay within the illusion within a nurtured state, one buttressed and strengthened by the sympathy of the nurturer self within so that whatever the communication of a verbal nature may be, it is not liable to the desire for destruction which the unrespected ego self is prone to. This leaves B able to deal with its own ego self without feeling the pressure from A which would ask B to redeem or love A. This is helpful to both and clears the way in your future transactions for the increased possibility for verbal open communication because of the perceived lack of back-pressure.

The third way of cleared communication is that which takes place at all times and that to which you may become privy as you allow time, space and suffering to be what and as they are or seem to be. This does not mean withdrawing from experience; rather, it turns the order of things about. Instead of doing the various services of physical life and then having the time available in the remainder of your day to meditate, contemplate and pray, allow the mind and heart to be more and more aware that although the illusion is being visited, is useful, is vitally important and is interesting, your fundamental nature is at home and has never left. Communion is constant because there is identity. You are one with the infinite Creator. You are prayer without ceasing. It is not an activity; but rather, the praying without ceasing seems an activity until it is realized that praying without ceasing could well be your name. Your very nature is an unceasing hymn of love.

In the deepest sense, the key to moving from codependency to compassionate symbiosis in relationship is seeing yourself, both as a being in process and as a being beyond all time and space with nowhere to go except from love to love. In another way, this awareness allows you the luxury of placing neither great importance nor lack of respect upon the details of each moment’s considerations. How can you find the way to have your needs met? The solution as usual is not present, but rather, is beyond the presence of illusion. It lies in knowing that much occurs which seems unfair; yet each unfairness passes and the attention is drawn elsewhere. Rather than attempting over and over to break a pattern, then, think of the relief of seeing as an A to a B, “Here is the pattern again. Here it is.” The reaction of B then determines the next clear communication. If B wishes to learn and act upon the lessons of the incarnation, then both can sit down together, knowing that this is the work that they have come to do together among other services, and share the sorrow and pain that seem to be A and B’s, but are A/B’s in the reality that is known in the less deep illusion within your incarnation, which is the feeling of the heart.

Now if B is not yet ready to work together with you as mate, then there is the generosity of spirit that is the harvest of A’s nurturing of B that allows B to say whatever it can without feeling the need to justify, condemn or defend. If even this degree of communication between entities is not available, then there is the relaxation of the illusion in the mind and heart and the allowing of the nurturer to place one in a cradled, loving space within which it is safe to become aware of the entity within, which is eternally prayer without ceasing.

None of these three modes of communication necessarily offer a solution, but then the solution would be momentary anyway. Experience moves on. Perhaps that which we would leave you with before we turn back to the one known as Aaron would be simply to suggest that when suffering arises, the clear communicator will turn to the one with whom it has transacted that suffering and begin a sentence with the word I, not allowing the suffering to sour and bleed and become the fine wine of old anger. If you can keep the utterance of the ego self current, you are giving yourself the maximum opportunities to become more and more clear.

This takes a kind of courage born only of blind faith, the faith that communication is effectual. We hope you may nurture that faith, because it is in relationships that the most accelerated pace of learning and spiritual evolution is possible within this illusion you call living. We know you wish to advance your learning. It is in the fire of the forging process of relationship that your opportunity for learning is maximized. Thusly, we hope that you not be discouraged and turn from the difficult relationship. If each can feel good about expressing the ego self’s feelings as they arise, there is so much of freshness that airs out and aids in the amelioration of that suffering entity that is you. Thusly, what seems to be the display of ego is actually a generous offering of clarity within confusion to the one who is learning to give and live. Do you see how this love twines and winds about, seemingly separate but always one heartbeat from showing the true nature of union within?

We leave this instrument now and, with great appreciation for this marvelous adventure, turn the microphone over to the one known as Aaron. We leave each in love and light. We are those of Q’uo.

Aaron

I am Aaron. Q’uo has offered some very useful and concrete suggestions. As I listen to the thoughts offered by my brother/sister, I am struck with the idea that to use these suggestions you must be very aware: Here are three tools.

Is there anything within you that argues with the skillful use of these tools? Let us say that it seemed necessary to drive some nails into a block of wood. Let us further project that at some level this being that needs to drive the nails feels resentment about driving the nails. Perhaps every time a nail must be driven, this being must assume that responsibility and feels there is a lack of balance. Perhaps it simply hates the act of hammering because it dislikes the way it stresses its muscles. If you offer this being three hammers, it may well choose the best tool for the job; but because there is resistance to the work at hand, upon the first blow it is likely to smash its thumb, thus rendering it impossible to continue.

Thus, it would seem useful to ask yourself before you move into these three very useful steps, “Is there anything within me as A that hopes B will not respond? What part of me uses lack of communication as defense against knowing my own self more deeply? What fears have I tucked away and am carrying around with me as a burden, but fear drawing them out of my pack to examine them? If I come to B with Q’uo’s suggested “I “—I feel hurt; I experience fear,” whatever it may be—is there a part of me that subtly twists that communication in some small way so as to provoke rejection from B, therefore insuring that I need go no further in this communication but that I can handily blame B and say, “See, I tried; and B has shut me out”?

In step two, knowing your anger, knowing your fear, knowing your feeling, is urgent as Q’uo has suggested. But is there any desire to twist that again into blame so as to absent yourself from responsibility because of your own fear? Do this work with careful awareness, watching for the arising of the fear in yourself, for the arising of desire to protect. Can you greet that, too, with non-judgment? Can you smile at it as just part of the whole drama? Step back a step, remember who you are and then dive back in with a bit more clarity. Know that this fear is okay: “I need not be reactive to the situation. I need not be reactive to B’s fear of the situation, should that occur. And I need not be afraid or reactive of my own fear.” There is room for it all to float, space for it all.

If it is acceptable to the group, I would like to lead you in a brief guided meditation, asking you to move beyond the limits of the perceived self, to open yourself to the energy of the others in this loving circle and, as you become undefended with others’ energy, to notice the arising of fear and touch that arising fear with compassion—just that. Is there energy and interest in pursuing this? That is all.

[Everyone agrees.]

I would ask you first to visualize yourselves sitting in a circle of light. Experience the fullness of your own energy. Draw your hands together before you, palms touching. Feel the energy pulsating from palm to palm. Slowly separate those hands, just a bit, and feel your energy radiating outward. You know that you do not end at your skin. Allow yourself to feel that.

Take in a deep breath and at the crown of that breath, just before the exhalation, expand outward.

[Pause]

Allow yourself to feel the energy body, the astral body, the light body, the Higher Self, all that moves beyond just this physical self, expanding outward … inhale … expand … and stabilize that expansion as you exhale. Inhale … expand … stabilize … Do it at your own pace for a few moments.

[Pause]

Allow yourself to feel the energy fields of the others in the room also expanding. You are light, you are energy, you are thought … expand outward and begin to feel the overlap of the energy that surrounds you.

[Pause]

Let that energy touch your own, and your own energy reach itself out.

[Pause]

As penetratingly as possible, notice any fear, any desire to retreat back into yourself and touch that fear with gentleness.

[Pause]

Know that you may retreat. That is not a failure. There is no “should” here, only a desire to stay as open as possible, to feel undefended in this very loving circle of friends. And yet in that undefendedness to know that the excesses and stray thoughts that you condemn in yourself may be felt by others. Can you trust another’s compassion for you as you move deeper into your own compassion for them?

[Pause]

I am with you in this circle, my friends. We are, none of us, perfect. The fear which leads you to seek to armor yourself is not a contemptible trait, but is simply the manifestation of human conditioned mind. In a sense, it is a by-product of the incarnation which may be released with your loving practice and effort.

[Pause]

Again, I urge you to expand outward, just a bit more. It may help to turn your hands upright in your lap, palms up, to feel the others’ energy. I will be quiet now for two or three minutes. Watch each arising desire to defend and touch it with gentle mercy.

[Pause]

Can you watch yourselves opening and closing, opening, closing a bit, opening again? May I leave you tonight with this bit of homework in whatever your relationships with others: Until we resume tomorrow, will you watch for this opening and closing? Watch also for any judgment of it. In this way you may begin to approach Q’uo’s suggestions with more clarity about your own readiness to come to such communication undefended and thereby non-threatening to yourself or another.

I ask you here to reverse the process. Draw your energy back into yourself and allow it to settle. If your hands were palm up, turn them palm down on your lap. If there is any surplus energy, visualize it as a golden ball and, using your visualization or imagination, simply snip it with an imaginary scissors and let it float loose. Look for the stray bits of energy of you and gently draw them in. This is not armoring of the self, but skillful work with the energy within the illusion. To further draw your energy in, I would ask you to bring attention to your feet touching the ground. This is the human, its feet on the earth, one aspect of your entirety. Allow yourself to come back from the expanded spirit experience to the human that you also are.

I honor each of you for the courage, the sincerity and love that you bring to your seeking and your work. I thank you very much for inviting me to share my thoughts with you. I wish to return to Q’uo and Carla, who may wish to close this session. That is all.

Q’uo

I am Q’uo, and we greet you postscriptly in love and light. We find we do have the one more thing to say which is so typical of grand friendships.

We would leave you to merriment, comradeship and good food for your physical beings with the hope that each may listen to each and know that each is teacher to each. And as you rest into slumber this even, we encourage you to visit the ego self. There it is: you being laid to rest, yet not all of you. Allow that ego self to be the size it is right now. That is how much you need. As you continue to respect the process which engages ego and spirit, that balance shall continually shift. And it will happen that eventually you find a very small need for the ego self, for you have become independent within eternity. This experience awaits you. It is not now. Now it is just right that you have the ego self as you experience it now. It is you. It is not all of you. It is all you meet, yet it does not define any of you. Then say, “God bless this mess,” and go to sleep, my friends, and rise to greet another day. Adonai. Adonai. We are those of Q’uo, and we leave you in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator.

[Carla leads a meditation for giving back to the Creator the light that was felt by the group and included a group member’s personal need for employment. The meditation ended with, “The image goes up and the rains fall down.”]