January 12, 2004

G

I begin with a few intellectual understandings. I have heard you speak of the process of spiritual evolution as a long and endlessly subtle one. I have read Ra’s words in which they say that catalyst must be appreciated over a long period of time. I know, on some level, that I have everything I need and I know, on every level, that I have what I consider to be the greatest outside source of advice available contained within the treasure trove of the L/L transcripts.

Still, I can be a very confused personality. I have reached into those places which I have so eloquently heard described in your words shared with this group and I have just barely touched what I feel to be Christ consciousness and have had brief moments of feeling what freedom might feel like in an awareness that has penetrated the veil to some extent. I see these places and burn to live an identity from those spiritual altitudes; I yearn to be a representative of what true life is to the people of this planet who only know of it in myth, religion, story and dreams; and desire with all my heart, in moments when I actually feel “all my heart,” to serve as a channel for a higher will, a higher love, a higher light and a higher way to a world that chose to forget their rightful and divine place in the kingdom of the Creator.

There are so many invisible walls of fear and unknown self, however, that, if not prevent, than surely offer me great challenges in merging my identity with those barely brushed-upon places of truth. What I have felt deep down in those depths of self are only momentary gifts that don’t stay, but visit a me that is dry, serious, hurting, confused and off-center more days than not. Much of my time is spent either in places of nothingness, or places without the softness of compassion, and even places that are pure and raw pain which are grueling in their intensity and constancy and impossible to escape no matter my approach.

This is all my catalyst and all my creation, this I know. I feel that I am “on the path” and heading for those realities in which I have seen the truest picture of myself, but have not been strong, integrated or disciplined in personality enough to actually live there. I know, or at least I like to tell myself I know, that I will be on the “other side” of this. What I ask here, from entities I hold most dear, is for guidance, advice, and the compassionate wisdom to help guide me to that other side. I understand that I am so much more than these limitations which I experience and [which] cause me much distress, as you assure us we all are.

What I seek is to transform it all and become empowered because of it. Sometimes that desire burns so strongly that I would like to, probably with great naiveté, put myself through a pyramidal initiation in which I can, once and for all, squarely face the self, drop my illusions, and be who I am and always have been; i.e., the Creator.

So I humbly ask that you guide me please. Give me the great Q’uo perspective which I so cherish and point me towards that light which I seek. Let the potluck begin!

(Carla channeling)

Q’uo

We are those known to you as the principle of Q’uo. We greet you with great joy in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator, in Whose service we come to you. We are part of the Godhead principle, as this instrument has grown used to saying, as are you, and as are all those who sit in this circle of seeking this day. We thank each of you for taking the time, the energy, the attention, and the care from those many other concerns of your daily lives, in order to seek the truth. That simple laying aside of time is that step so often not taken, for it is difficult to lay aside that precious commodity of time in a thoroughgoing chemical illusion built upon time itself. It is a magical thing you do to open the self to those springs of truth that come from depths below the surface of ordinary subconsciousness.

We pray that that which we offer to this instrument for your consideration may have meaning for you and be helpful but, more than this, we pray that the one known as G and all of those who are in the circle may be very responsible and careful in discriminating between those ideas which may sound good but have no real substance for you personally and those ideas that seem to come from your own memory, as though you had known but had simply forgotten that which we say. In the latter case those thoughts are useful for you and are worthy of consideration. In all other cases, those thoughts are better left behind, for they are not alive for you and truth is a living and changing thing. With this discrimination in place we feel far more free to share our thoughts without concern that we may infringe upon your free will or hamper your own learning process.

This instrument was much moved by the reading of that more elaborate letter that follows the basic structure of the opening statement but in far more detail. ¹ We find that the instrument’s heart was touched and confused, for in her own personality the instrument has no awareness of the neighborhood and precincts of despair which have been some of the places into which your mind and spirit has wandered. This instrument’s incarnational gifts have been far more of, shall we say, a match with the one known as G than this instrument’s particular lessons. Consequently, the flavor of deep suffering which came through to this instrument’s senses in that letter, have no answering echo within this instrument’s experience. And as is natural with those whose hearts are full of love, there is a sadness and sorrow for a fellow being in pain. Yet from our standpoint, the raw and harsh feelings described within the letter are a cause for rejoicing. It may perhaps not have been fully seen by the one known as G that the greatest breakthrough in dealing with a strain or thread of deep fear is to become aware of it fully, to face it, to rest with it. As this instrument is fond of saying, sitting with the pain is the beginning of transformation.

Now, what is the peculiar nature of this pain? For pain it is and we do not quibble with the words used by the one known as G in describing the depth and the jagged and toothed nature of this particular inner torment. Certainly, that nature is hidden in the folds of personality in its endeavors to protect and defend those gifts with which the entity known as G came into incarnation. It is as though having come into a place that was alien and strange, there was, in the entrance into incarnation and in those early and powerfully shaping experiences, a desire to remove the self from a perceived pain that was sufficiently powerful to create, for the self, as it were, a mental, emotional and spiritual closet—a safe place which could only be protected and defended by unknowing. It is as though there is within the mind a door behind which there is safety; there is also a loss of those accoutrements to everyday thinking and living which might open the door of the closet before that sensitive entity, the one known as G, feels able to rejoin what can be only be described as a subjective madness. That is the orientation of the entity as it came into incarnation. It was unexpected by the soul that is your deeper self. It was not expected that there would be this instinctual reaction of revulsion and distaste. However, it is not a reaction that is inaccurate or in any way wrong and needing to be removed. Rather, it is a fundamental attitude of the self in conflict that is within red ray, connected to the survival of the being.

Therefore, the blockages or, shall we say, the limiting of the possibilities for expansion of the infinite instreaming energy of the one infinite Creator, are in place not only for the red ray but for the energy body as a whole, for the life force, as it were, is that which is narrowed in order to move through the unbalanced energy body in a safe and optimal pattern. This blockage or inhibition that locks down some expansion possibilities in the energy body, again, cannot be said to be an incorrect action or a negative result. Rather, it can be said to be a very sensible and useful way to create a place for the self within a very alien illusion from which that entity can fulfill as much as possible those intents and driving desires for learning and for service with which this entity came into incarnation.

This entity has spoken of the feelings of numbness and sleep, the feelings of life as a place where drowning is always possible, a place where there is the desire for the light and the life-giving air and yet tremendous instinctual warnings that surface regularly and repeatedly in a cycle that has been life-long, that say to the conscious mind of the entity, “Shut down and escape; close and retreat.” To some extent, all entities need and provide for themselves some retreated place within the mind and the heart. When such a safe place has outworn its welcome, it takes on the semblance of a prison and that which previously was the inner closet of safety becomes the cave of fear.

The one known as G is very aware of the strides that he has made in study, in learning, and in clarifying some of these deeper places of mystery within the self. We would suggest that it is not well to break out of prison. The self has placed self in safekeeping and that place of safekeeping has served its purpose. Yet when a larger and more currently adequate safe place is desired, there is the instinctual reaction of fear in leaving the only safe place that has been known. And we speak not literally in terms of the safe place being a physical place, such as the room, the car, the solitude, but a safe place as being within the heart. It is that closet within, that sanctum, that holy place within of safety and succor, that has grown too cramped for the being which has begun to manifest out of the potential of the incarnate self that has been brought into the personality shell for this incarnation.

Perhaps one thing that may help as you work to enlarge the tents of your safe place, is the memory of the fact that you are not the personality shell, you are not the fear, you are not any of those quirky and unmanageable emotions that create your feeling of being knotted and tangled and in need of escape. None of these is you. These are experiences which you are witnessing. But they do not define or limit the being and the essence that is the one known as G. It is as if light were coming through a window that has been covered with paper, that is for the most part opaque in order to block out what is perceived as harmful rays of the sun or of the source of light. The techniques of working with this situation can make use of this trope, ² of this image of the window which cannot possibly bring through accurate images, for the windows themselves need to be reworked in order to remove the wax, the coating, that prevents clear illumination.

Fear is a word that entities use upon your planet as though it were fear of something, as though fears had a reality only in contact with a certain vector, and this is not accurate. It is helpful in working with one’s deeper fears to realize that fear is a state of contraction away from love. It is not, in its essence, connected with a source or a cause; it is the instinctual contraction around information that concerns one. When the feelings of contraction occur, the emotional body is moving away from love and towards fear. Fear does not always look like fear. More often than not among your peoples, fear is experienced as anger. Whatever the muddied emotional set which is the product of this feeling of fear, its message is always unitary. It acts as a siren that says, “Look out, there is an emergency”; it acts as the watchman ringing a tocsin that says, “There’s someone breaking into the storehouse.”

There is within that emotion a great instinctual urge towards some movement that will counter this cautionary situation that has brought up the emotion of fear. And to some extent these feelings of the need for movement are wise, in that oftentimes there are situations within the illusion which need to be addressed. And when one feels that one does not have the luxury of taking time at a particular moment to deal with emotion, it is not only acceptable but appropriate to move away from both the fear and the situation in the condign ³ service of becoming able to deal with the human situation that is in the present moment, in the illusion. Yet, at a deeper level, the presence of fear may be seen as a clarion call to that portion of self that is able to rest on the hard and often uneven ground of discomfort and limitation. For the first job of a contracted entity is to rest in that contraction, to look around, to see it not with the feeling of, “Here we go again,” but with the feeling of, “Let me look, as if it were the first time—to see, to feel, to sense into this fear. Let me sit with it.”

In a way, that safe place of numbness can be seen as a cave with many strands of fear that have formed a curtain that sways with the wind, that is thick enough because of having so many threads to act as a door that keeps one from feeling more afraid. Even that cave has enough fear in it that there is the human desire to escape from that cave that, as the one known as G has said, if there is already a place of numbness and unthinking, where then is any escape? Where is the divine loophole that allows one to escape from this seemingly airtight cave? Yet in the compassion that you feel for yourself, it is well to take the practice of awareness of this fear to the level that, as a soul resting in silence, you are able to visualize taking down just one thread, and then just one more, and then just one more. As the mind gazes upon that fear, as it begins to sense into some of the emotions that have become trapped in that safe place that has become that prison, it is possible, only through the mercy of one’s own heart, to become able to look at the fear not with judgment but with understanding and compassion. And with the willingness to exist in that fear as long as is necessary, that the being not be forced into a feeling of more risk, less safety.

In truth, transformation involves the movement created by the pressures of seeking that lift one from a current perception and place the self within a position or point from which stance the entity may look with new eyes, not because the situation has changed, but because the point of view, the place from which the view is presented, has changed. Transformation is not the result of hard work. Rather, transformation is the result of having done the work and becoming able to release the process. The harder one works at a spiritual process the more likely it is that there will be contamination of spiritual processes by the machinations of the mind. We have often spoken of the mind as a great choice-maker but a poor spiritual support. The mind knows how to do one thing well and that is to position information in order to make patterns that produce choices that seem to aid in improving the likelihood of survival and comfort to the entity. This does not speak well for the mind as a spiritual resource. The best that can be said of the mind for one who is working in those deep areas of spiritual discipline to which the one known as G has great hopes of penetrating, is that it is a very poor choice-maker. Rather, the choice needs to be that which allows movement upon waters which one does not know, which are directed by energies and essences which you do not understand in any conscious way.

It is as if you were attempting to unravel a mystery, a “whodunit,” as this instrument would call it. There has been a murder and that has been the murder of the peace of mind and the ability to rest within incarnation for the one known as G. Whodunit? It wasn’t the butler, but who was it? What was it? What’s going on? What is going on is the deepening of the life from the everyday to the magical and as the desire for that magical life grows, the friction of that old and limiting fear becomes more and more obvious.

We do not in any way suggest that the experiences in escape-ivity and the desire for removal of the self from all things are experiences that are trivial or that can be removed in any easy way. However, we do suggest that in persisting while in a state of unknowing, energies deeper than you can know at a conscious level shall be moving in a most helpful and appropriate manner that will, in a spiral fashion, bring the connections between mind, body and spirit in the one known as G into a progressively more and more balanced and useful state for enlarging the tents for that spiritual place of safety within.

We would at this time ask if there is a further query that may more carefully shape our comments? We are those known to you as Q’uo.

G

Thanks so very much, Q’uo. You’ve given me a lot to chew on. This is a specific and important question. It is something that I have so wanted to ask since our very first meeting and that is, for better or worse, can you describe to me as thoroughly as is allowable, what effect the multiple ingestions of LSD have had on my mind, body and spirit?

Q’uo

We are the Q’uo, and are aware of your query, my brother. We may speak to some extent and will attempt to shape our answer in ways that will guard your free will. The crucial injury to the mind/body/spirit of the one known as G is preexistent to the ingestion of any chemicals, as you have put it. There is a situation in which the emotional body became convinced at a very tender age within incarnation that there were great dangers involved in feeling and experiencing deeply within incarnation. The role of the ingested substances then was not to initiate a wound within the psyche, as this instrument would call it, but rather to elucidate for the conscious mind the depth and extent of wounds already experienced but as yet unknown by the body.

The one known as G has mentioned that there is little remembrance of early childhood and this is indicative of the original difficulty which the ingestion of LSD simply brought to light. It is a case of awareness coming, light coming in, in a manner which was not regulated by the guidance of the self but rather by a substance which came in from without and created the capacity to experience truth, or light, of a certain intensity. That light was experienced and the intensity of it caused what could be described as an explosion or perhaps implosion within a system which created what the one known as B has described and the one known as G has also described as a hole within the self.

This is that which has needed to be healed gradually and it is perhaps at the limit of our ability to speak in this wise to say that, as the one known as G has said frequently, the current, supportive spiritual community is without any question the very best place in which to begin to tackle the healing of the self and the healing of the incarnation. The discomfort of this healing process is great. With any healing there comes the prickles of nerves becoming able to feel for the first time. That creates great pain and this has been experienced by the one known as G. However, the pain is a good pain in that it is giving notice to the one known as G that systems are coming alive again.

We find that there are, within this circle of seeking, entities who have had long practice in dealing with those prickles of awakening sensation. We speak especially of the one known as J. There is within this entity a great well of understanding of discomfort of a particular kind and therefore we find it helpful that the one known as G has arranged to work in harmony with the one known as J. Much of this particular entity’s teach/learning capabilities dwells in silence, but simple observation and companionship with this entity shall be found to be extremely healing. We also find that the one known as B has an awareness of that particular kind of prison, although the relationship in this wise is more tangential or glancing. Indeed, each present within the community circle has gifts to give, yet it is these two entities, in this context, which have the greatest capacity to teach as a part of a teach/learning circle in which the one known as G has an equal ability to teach, so that there is a teach/learning circle that is genuinely taking place where relationships remain most mutually beneficial. This is also true of the one known as V, the one known as D, and the one known as C. Yet, at the same time, those three entities, for one reason or another, have less clarity in direct mentoring, shall we say, than the one known as B and the one known as J. Consequently, we would encourage observation of, and attentiveness to, these two individuals, not with an eye to absorbing their knowledge but with an eye to grasping the point of view which each has developed over a period of years of studying and learning.

When entities are in a state of nervousness or dread, they are hard-pressed; and you may watch both of those entities as they deal with that kind of catalyst to begin to see into the deep waters of patience, tolerance and grit, simple grit, upon which these entities call. But do not look at these entities in order to imitate but only in order to see another suffering soul which has found light, joy and peace, not as a steady state, perhaps, but often enough, and with impressive enough results, magically speaking. No one within your circle exists in a state of perfection. There is need in all entities still extant ⁴ upon your planet in incarnation for more learning, for more opportunities for service. Yet this does not mean that each imperfect entity does not have marvelous stories to share and wonderful insights that go beyond words. Listen not so much to the words of those for whom you have admiration, dear brother, but listen to their essence, to those honors and braveries and examples of courage and mettle that move beyond any particular circumstance and that speak to the nobility and the ideals within.

Your world of illusion is a world of action and in so many ways, your culture teaches you to appreciate jobs finished and advancements made. Yet within the process of spiritual evolution, there must be a realization that it is not in the doing but in the intending, not in the action but in the essence, that energy is transformed. It is in this wise that we would say that the light touch is ever and always important. The illusion, this instrument has often said, is cartoon-like and at times it needs to be seen as a cartoon with the only responsibility being that of supplying the correct caption for the happiest and most deeply felt laugh. See the laughability of the human condition. See the groping in the darkness that is designed into the illusion and know that it is only by a hint here and an inkling there that guidance most often chooses to share its information.

May we answer you further, my brother?

G

Treasures, Q’uo, you give me treasures. I am employing my discrimination and I disagree with nothing at all. You picked up on deeper layers to my previous question in your answer. I was going to ask you a question about referring me, if you couldn’t answer, and you referred me to those that I live with and love.

In the interest of saving time and the instrument’s energy I had a page written asking a question about a girl named T. I have it in my mind, I have it on paper, and B has read it so I hope that will suffice and I will just cut to the end of it and ask if there is anything that you can give, any clarity that you can offer, to my situation with her? Can you bring any light into these processes and offer me things to mull over so that I might come to a more balanced point of view about this deep and heartfelt love I feel for a girl who can’t and/or won’t reciprocate it as I feel and give it?

Q’uo

We are those of Q’uo, and are aware of your query, my brother. We may say little, but that which we may say we do say with a full and happy heart. There is no mistake in all that has occurred within the teach/learning relationship betwixt the one known as T and the one known as G. There is no lack of love or the ability to love. Indeed, the one known as T is fully and completely loving towards the one known as G. The one known as T, in her own processes, has encountered a stumbling block that this entity has encountered before within previous incarnations. This cannot be seen as that which is correct or incorrect about the one known as T. It is simply her incarnational lesson and her incarnation healing, which at this time she has chosen to ignore because of devotion to a higher ideal than the self.

The tangle for the one known as T, then, is within her own purview and not at all a reflection of anything which has to do with the one known as G. The love story, shall we say, of G and T, is a true one, regardless of the outcome upon the level of the physical illusion. The love has been healing, energizing and revivifying for both entities. Each has given all that each is able and that has not resulted in any expectation being met for either. Rather, each has felt disappointed and incomplete. Yet the energy exchange has been extremely beneficial and may well continue to be extremely beneficial if it is released into the creative Godhead principle. It is within Christ consciousness, as this instrument would say, or within the Godhead Itself, within the deepest aspects of your and the one known as T’s experience, that this relationship has health, strength and meaning. It cannot be brought into the physical illusion in a way that is balanced for both entities and, consequently, it has been necessary to create space between the physical being or presence, of the one known as G and the one known as T.

There is no limit or end to love. And that has been felt purely and deeply. Allow that channel to be a source of living water, not because it is spoken, not because the other is present, but because the connection has been made. Love has been given and received and it has remained as pure as both know how to make it. Allow that gift to be what it is. There is no failure. There is no loss. There is only the expansion of two lives because of the love that each can feel in the other. Great gifts have been given and that which has not been given was not able to be given. This is perhaps all that we may say in this wise.

Is there a final query at this time, my brother?

G

You’re good people, Q’uo. This is a spontaneous question. I don’t know how to word it. I have this understanding that a single-pointed desire will accomplish the task which is desired by an entity, and in whatever time you could speak I am wondering if you could offer me anything about the desire that I try, and even more so lately, to instill into my day and the desire that I just try to hold on to moment after moment after moment, penetrating further into the mysteries that I don’t understand about myself? If you could speak to the question of if that has anything to do with what you were talking about in the bulk portion of the reading where you cautioned against trying too hard or whether that is the “right” type of trying, that would be my final query. Thank you, Q’uo.

Q’uo

We are those of Q’uo and are aware of your query, my brother. Indeed, you have caught the drift of that line of thought that we were offering in the bulk of the first question in that it is vitally important to strive with all of one’s heart, to as, the one known as Saint Paul said, “run the straight race,” strive with one’s very best at all times. The concept of excellence is a spiritual concept on a par with truth and beauty. Effort is a beautiful thing when it is given freely and with the utmost of one’s ability to do something well. There is great value in that spiritually and we would never suggest in any way that you back off in this intensity. Indeed, we do not feel that you could, for it is your nature. On the other hand, balance in all things is a characteristic in general of health of the physical, health in a mental sense, and health in a spiritual sense more than anything else.

This instrument has often said, “Take it easy or you’ll burn out.” Now, there are two schools of thought on this and in truth we would, for the most part, agree with this instrument. Although there are nuances that this instrument has not yet grasped concerning real balance; the impulses to balance purity with laughter, and intensity with lightness, are good instincts. The choices are the same as, say, the choice of whether to live on the edge physically. If an entity wants to live hard and die young and burn the candle at both ends doing so, it is seen as a self-indulgent thing and if the entity does die because of taking risks, it is seen as a foolish incarnation brought to an end before its time because of poor judgment. On the other hand, when an entity moves into the spiritual realm and attempts to live hard and make great progress and burn the candle at both ends in the attempt to go further, know more, be more aware, the entity is inviting the same kind of early death in that the spiritual burnout, as this instrument would call it, is quick to appear when the entity has run through its own energy.

There is, shall we say, a tremendous amount of help available to the entity who releases its own effort after it has been made and rests in the fellowship of guidance, Godhead and the creation. The drive to intensity is in part based upon a perception that one is going it alone. Yet indeed there is never a solitude when it comes to spiritual evolution, for you dwell within a family of those seen and those unseen, in the inner planes and in those environments which were yours before coming to the planet you call Earth. We suggest that you lean into that peace that comes to one who has endeavored well. When the endeavor has been made, surround it with thankfulness and open that thankfulness to all of those, seen and unseen, especially those unseen who are part of the guidance system that is helping you with keels and rudders, that in truth you cannot know but that are there to help guide and point you in the right direction. Lean on that help, rest into that help, and when the aggravations and the irritations become great, allow yourself the escape, but at the same time, send a message to your family that help is needed. Do not attempt to go it alone. There is never a need to feel that one is alone. We are with you, the Creator is with you, many entities attracted to your hopes, your ideals, and your process are with you. The strength of that is palpable when called upon. And we encourage that source of comfort to be used when it is needed. We are all—incarnate, discarnate, inner planes, outer planes—one being. There is one love, one hope, one vision, one truth. It will never appear the same to two people, yet it is infinitely unitary.

We leave you in that unitary oneness, in the love and in the light of the one original Thought. Adonai. We are known to you as Q’uo. Adonai.