Letter to T

CAVEAT: Warning! These letters have not been edited by Carla. Expect errors.

Dear T,

I am holding your letter that you wrote on this sort of salmon-colored paper to Jim. Why am I writing you this letter, you may well be asking yourself since you have gotten a letter from Jim? Here is what happened. Jim and I read all of L/L Research together. Either I read it to him or he reads it to me. Most of the mail we get is by way of being an order for something, or a contribution with a note about how they enjoy this, or that or the other thing. Or a letter from a prisoner saying, “I don’t have any money. Can you send me some stuff?” Or whatever. It doesn’t involve writing. It just involves filling the order basically.

But in each mail, say maybe we get—Jim picks it up once a week and I guess we get about ten pieces a day and of those seventy pieces per week, there will be perhaps one or two in ten to answer, so that would be seven to fourteen. So say an average of ten letters a week that need answering by somebody. Ninety-eight percent of those letters, we talk about it, we share on what we feel the person needs from us that we can give, and Jim writes the letter because Jim can say more in half a page than I can in any length you want to name. He has a way of being not only terse and pithy, but accurate and inspirational.

There isn’t much bad you can say about Jim, as a matter of fact, and I live with him. And I wanted him to go on writing you because I could tell that you and he had made a real heart connection, and that you trusted that he was a spiritual seeker and that he would be trying to help you with your seeking.

Every once in a great while I will answer a letter that is not addressed specifically to me. I answer a lot of letters that are addressed to me because of the channeling handbook and because of my work in teaching channeling and dealing with associated areas like; if somebody wants to be a channel, what I will do, instead of saying, “Sure, come on and I’ll teach you how to be a channel,” is say, “There is a lot of work to do first, and we will work on tape.” That is, I write the tape, and the other person writes a letter back. And then I answer by tape. And we work through whatever blockages, or negative agendas, or sadnesses, and sorrows and difficulties that the person is experiencing in such a painful way that it is blocking the energy from going on up to an open heart chakra, because without the open heart chakra, you can only work insofar as you have human energy to work. And you don’t get that boost of unconditional love, which is pretty infinite in its ability to endure and to be strong.

What I do with people when I write them mostly is that if a letter is addressed to me about channeling, I will work with them on: if they are already channeling and having a difficulty, they describe it to me, and they show me what they have channeled, and they talk about what is happening in their lives and I will listen with a special kind of ear. It is a way of channeling. A lot of people charge a lot of money for it. I think it is called personal readings. But things will come to me and I will share them back. And actually though you have expressed no desire to be a channel, you are in a state-of-mind that I understand very well.

I am not going to tell you my life story. There is no need to compare horror stories, but we have had some difficulties. Jim and I both, along the way, me more than Jim.

Jim’s problems actually were self-inflicted. He chose to put every penny he had down on a piece of land out in the middle of nowhere. He built his own house with wood he felled on the land. First, of course, the logs, then this and that. I wasn’t in on that. That was before I knew him. It was back in ’72 and ’73. He built that first cabin. He ended up having four cabins plus a complete set of adult swings, and seesaws, and stuff like that that any age could use. They were all a wonderful idea. He ate beans and chapattis and when I met him in ‘78, I doubt if he had two dimes to rub together and he certainly was rubbing his backbone with his belly. I mean for 5’ 8“, he weighed like 135 pounds. He was a little, but gorgeous guy.

He just didn’t care about making money. He didn’t see it as deprivation to be poor. He wanted out of the power structure. He wanted out of what you call normal 9 to 5 type living, and he got out and he stayed out.

After 6 ½ years there on the land, I guess his work alone was done because he took it into his mind to dedicate the next portion of his life to service to an already existing spiritual group within which he could merge. He went out to Oregon to fulfill a previous commitment to PS. It was tempting at that time, since Don, my partner for years since 1968, asked him to join our group. It was tempting to get behind Don and say, “Oh, come on and stay. We need you more than S does.” We didn’t do that because is not the way spiritual stuff works. When I really pushed him right on out that door, he went out to PS and did help him.

He helped him a lot. He regrouped the school that they were trying to teach kids in, the “Wind Song School of Awareness” if you like that for a title. And did various other manual labor type repairs that nobody in the New Age seemed to have any idea of how to do. Just real simple stuff like hammer, screwdriver, that kind of stuff. So he did this for about two months and was really enjoying himself and really enjoying P’s channeling, and finding a pretty good place for himself, but he was edgy.

He never quite felt peaceful and it all kind of boiled over into a real crisis for him when somebody came to him and offered him a way to make a lot of money very quickly. It had to do with some sort of chemical that had been found and could be mined; and when it was found, it was pure and it had certain uses for which nothing else could do. So it was sold before it was mined basically was the idea.

Jim was supposed to be the distributor for all of Canada and the U.S. Big job, big commission, six figure salary. Jim goes, “Wait a minute. Why did I give up even my land to come and be of service. Did I do it so that I would make all this money?” so he told everybody at the Wind song school and at S’s Church of Universal Service that he was just going to have to meditate a little over the weekend. He says it took him about thirty seconds to meditate through to the fact that he should be here in Lowell working with Don and me so he was L/L’s Research’s Christmas present for 1980. Three weeks after he came, the Ra sessions began. So it was pretty clear that we did have some work to do together.

Back to why I am writing this letter to you. Jim comes from a wisdom orientation. He has an enormous amount of compassion and sensitivity, but his basic thought processes are liable to be linear and practical. That is good, especially for somebody like me who isn’t real well tethered to the earth. However, you are having heart problems. I don’t metaphysical heart problems. I mean sorrow, pain, agony. It is difficult to explain to someone who is not suffering every minute of every day what it is like. It is difficult to explain how you can’t get away from it.

I understand that because I am never out of pain. It is one bad, as far as I know, they will give me a life sentence and as far as I know, the time is hard and will get harder. I am never out of pain when I am conscious so there you are. It is not a good situation and I am angry about the situation. I have a lot of feelings about the situation, but I have become aware that the inside world, or the inner world, which comprises truly who we are, what we believe, what we would die for, what we wish to live for, is greater, and more powerful and capable of transcending the outer world.

Dietrich Von Hoffer was a Christian minister in Germany that was persecuted by Hitler’s forces, some of kind of Nazi party. He was put in jail because he was a Christian and spoke out against some of the wrong that was being done in his country. He was taken and suddenly placed in a prison where he stayed for many years until the end of WWII so it was maybe a decade. It has been a long time since I read Von Hoffer’s book, but I have never forgotten Von Hoffer’s message and I think what I would like to do is find the place. First let me read it and then let me sing it; there is something about singing that fills in the emotion, the feeling and the words.

By gracious powers so wonderfully sheltered And confidently waiting come what may, We know that God is with us night and morning, And never fails to greet us each new day. It is this heart by its old fold tormented, Still evil days bring burdens hard to bear. Or give our frightened souls the sure salvation For which our Lord, you taught us to prepare. And when this cup you give is filled to brimming With bitter suffering hard to understand, We take it thankfully and without trembling Out of so good and so beloved a hand. Yet when again in this same world, you give us The joy, we have the brightness of your sun, We shall remember all the days we lived through, And our whole life shall then be yours alone.

Von Hoffer wrote that before 1944 (in German) and it was translated. Now I’d like to talk about that hymn a little bit and why I love it.

In the first place, the guy was in jail, and not only in jail but he couldn’t go outside, and not only he couldn’t go outside, but he couldn’t have any light. And not only couldn’t he not have any light, but he was alone except for the company of others who let him know, some by voice and some by tapping in code, that they also were Christian and that they also had faith, regardless of circumstances. And Von Hoffer’s whole message that he wrote in prison and that lives on after him is the value of realizing that you do have spiritual friends, and that together you make up a community of love. And that community of love is an inner kingdom not of this world because if we are in love, we are bound together. We are in the kingdom of heaven.

This man had the right to express these thoughts because his experiences were as real as your own. He was innocent of any offense, and he suffered and because he refused to accept a negative agenda, he survived. There is an enormous lesson in this.

Before I talk about anything inspirational, I want to validate your pain. That is a New Age word. Sorry about that, I hate that kind of jargon. I would like to say that I grasp the depth of your agony, and I sympathize, and I am concerned, and I want you to continue, if you possibly can, just like I continue. Sometimes I ask myself, am I going to make through this next hour? It is not like it is a decision that you make once and then you are happy ever after. It is a continuing struggle day-by-day to maintain and rediscover when you haven’t maintained it, the joy and the peace that lie within our true natures, which are very much covered up in the other world. I believe that in the outer world there are many things such as money, birth, the color of your skin, all of the things that people have prejudice about, all the reasons that people have power or powerlessness that are simply of this world and unjust.

We try very hard with the concept of justice to make America the fairest country that is straight up, most honest judicial system ever and if I had a better idea, I would write it down. Obviously the whole idea is wrong.

Not only that, but even though your kids are probably at the age where they don’t need you like they did when they were too little to cook, or clean, or keep it together themselves, it is still something that you have taken on yourself to feel guilty that you deserted them. Of course, you did no such a thing in reality. When somebody says you are in jail, you are in jail. It wasn’t your fault and there was nothing you could do about it. I am sure you did absolutely everything you could to see to their welfare before you came in.

And you have lost many so-called friends. You conjecture to yourself, why? Why do people stop being your friend if you are incarcerated? I don’t think it is because they thought you were guilty, actually. I think it has to do with the whole idea of incarceration. It is a scary kind of subterranean different world to people who have never been in jail. I count myself among those, and it is very alien to the idea of freedom that America is built on. It is almost as if somebody had to be a scapegoat. It is wrong.

Like I said, if I had a better idea—actually I do have a better idea. It seems to me that when people are unhappy enough with the culture that they are in that they act outside of its rules, that obviously they have a different idea as to what a government should do and should be. I would like to give them something like Nevada, and Montana or the Yukon, some place where once they get there, they are not in America. They are not answerable to a judicial system other than the judicial system they set up themselves in accordance with their feelings and beliefs.

There are prison colonies all over this planet that have evolved from the prison colony over the generations by the magic of the generations passing to where like in Australia people were transported where they were gone from home forever or for so many years and then they could come home. Three or four generations later, these were the old families and aristocracy of Australia. To me that is more of a fighting chance than being in prison. I guess that is probably my best idea, but it is not an idea that I believe will ever come to pass.

I don’t know whether you are Christian or not. If you were born in Panama, and have the typical Hispanic upbringing, you are probably either a Roman Catholic or no longer a Roman Catholic. So I want you to know that although I, myself, am a Christian, I am an Episcopalian. I would have no interest whatsoever in trying to make you into a Christian. I feel that each person has her own path and when I can help the Christian that is having a problem with her faith to see the relevance and the meaning of the heart of the Christian message, then I am glad to do so. But a lot of people can’t take it and think of it basically as just the pits. So who wants to push Jesus on you? I simply figure that having read, at least I imagine that you have read some of the material that was generated from the “Law of One” Ra contact (I lost my train of thought).

I think what I was heading for was my assumption, and correct me if I am wrong, that at this point you do believe or have faith in the unknown and mysterious, but somehow positively oriented, or kindly or whatever you want to call it, Creator, or God. That is the beginning of the realization that your inner journey is more important than your other circumstances because when you feel that there is a God, the rest of the world kind of fades away. There are things I really want to know and I will never know them. I understand that.

But what is my relationship to the Creator? Why did He make me? Why am I experiencing these things? To what end? Is it random? Is it good? Have I put value judgments on it? I’ve got all kinds of questions about my relationship with the Creator.

And sometimes my cup and yours are filled to brimming with bitter suffering hard to understand. But as for me, I do know that God is with us night and morning and whether Jesus is real or metaphor, I believe in the salvation and redemption that is the true state of nature; that is the true essence of ourselves. I believe we are forgiven in the context of eternity. What people do to us, etc. in this world is very random and often very painful.

You talk a lot in this letter, and it just breaks my heart, of your friends deserting you, your being incarcerated as being terribly undesirable, your feeling that you have been betrayed by people whom you tried to help, your being innocent and being declared guilty. It sounds like you were set up. It sounds like you were following orders and you took the fall; that you were caught totally flat-footed there. And I wouldn’t declare myself guilty if I weren’t. I would just go ahead and tell the truth and let it fall where it may.

And your children. As if all of this weren’t enough, you had to leave your kids, your family. You have just been hurt a lot. But there is a way out. It is a way that you have to work every day, but it is a way out. It is my way out anyway.

My basic assumption is that some things can’t be changed and acceptance of them really clears up a lot of situations. In other words, you are in jail and I am in pain. It’s a big deal. I mean there is no sense in feeling sorry for ourselves. Everybody has got something. We’ve got this. So far it has not hampered my being of service in some way to people, or at least trying, which gives me the strength to move on.

The center of my day during the week is my morning meditation with Jim. We do some reading out of the Bible, out of Ra, and another book, and then we meditate and I do a little bit of channeling just to keep my instrument in practice. I have always been a person who believed in rehearsal, whether it was dancing, or singing or whatever. You just cannot practice too much. So I work on it daily because it is what I can do now and I am just really grateful that I can do something because I can’t use my hands any more, just a little bit for writing, but I never know whether I can feel the pen or not. If I can’t feel the pen, sometimes I can still write. And sometimes I can’t so it is just picking up a pen and trying.

But you see, you, yourself, have actually been a heroine, not a scapegoat for your friends because their mistakes do not rub off on you unless you ask them to rub off on you. Unless you take it. If you say, “Thank you very much. Good-bye. Too bad. I’ll pray for you.” In your mind, of course, not to them as that sounds pretty presumptuous if you said it to them. Then just go your own way in humility, and quietude, and confidence, self-confidence knowing that you did the very best you could.

Okay, so maybe to the world it looks like you failed right now. To yourself, maybe it looks like you are in the toilet, but you haven’t failed. You are just in a situation like the rest of us. I am not saying you haven’t had it rough. What I am saying is that there is a way out of feeling so bad about yourself and about your life if you don’t have the strength to go on. There is infinite strength in feeling who you are, and what you believe in, and what you have faith in, and what you want to live for. There is an incredible energy in gazing at each one, not in terms of how it is not being of service to you, but how you can be of service to it.

What I am trying to express is the process of reversing the feeling of life washing over you, and overwhelming you and drowning you so that the outer circumstances, crummy though they may be, stay outer and inwardly you are always gazing at them with part of your mind in eternity asking where is the service in this moment? Where is the love in this moment? And always, always asking for help.

I believe that there is as much positively polarized help available to people who pray as they ask for. And I believe that, depending on your belief system, whether you want to ask for a guide, or ask for the Holy Spirit, or ask for whatever, a wise old crone that can give you some good information. Whatever you want to ask for to help or to just simply to ask for Jesus to put His hand in yours. I think that you can begin to feel some strength from that.

The center of what I would suggest in turning this around is meditation so I need to talk to you some about meditation because of the fact that as a child you had a lot of experience with spiritism, which is powerful. I know some of it is just baloney, but some of everything is just baloney and the rest of it isn’t. The rest of it is real stuff. There is a lot of heavy emotional visualization in that kind of thing so I would suggest refraining from holding any image in your mind. As a matter of fact, I would suggest laying off remembering anything about visions for right now because you are going to have to go through, I don’t know whether it will be two weeks or six months, but you are going to have to go through a period where your body is getting used to the channeling.

It does get over it after a while, but the occidental body, the western hemisphere body, is just not used to sitting still without going to sleep and so we have two modes. First the pedal to the metal or go to sleep pretty much except for people who are home-bound or whatever by reasons of illness. This is a go-go society and even though I have spent basically the first six months of this year on my ass on the couch unable to move for one reason or another, I still ask of myself that I produce a certain amount of what I would consider to be useful work. I guess what I mean by that is, something that I do rather than simply something that I am. Yet I know that underneath all that I may do, anything that may help, lies the sole authority of my previous experience and my knowledge of myself. I might suggest to you that as you come out of meditation, that you retain that sense of being, and resting, and being one with the Father, or Father/Mother/God.

I haven’t caught on to your personal vocabulary and I don’t want to throw you off

with words that you can’t handle. You see, the body that is not used to staying completely still will get stomach aches. It will get headaches. Meditation is a way of moving over that bridge between the conscious and the unconscious mind that is usually veiled, the conscious from the unconscious. And at various levels of the unconscious mind, there are all of the fantasies of our childhood, both good and bad, and you will undoubtedly see some material from your childhood monsters. You know, Loch Ness monster, and great serpents, and dragons, and horrible things of all kinds. It is your brain throwing out stuff to get you moving because it simply can’t sit still, and it can’t stop thinking.

For the first six months, if you just sit in place and keep reaffirming mentally your desire to sit in silent meditation and seek the one Infinite Creator, you will be doing really well because the traits that get you through the spiritual life, and I think probably in any kind of life, are persistence, and faith and will. It is not the jazzy, fast-track type that makes much progress spiritually. He doesn’t have time. It is the person who is willing to go obstacle-by-obstacle, difficulty-by-difficulty, and inspiration-by-inspiration through life that is going to be one trouble after another. We know that. Even the wealthiest, I think, have their troubles. I don’t know, but it just seems to me.

My ex-mother-in-law whom I adore—I had a marriage when I was 21 to 25 and my husband left me seven times and divorced me after four years. But my mother-in-law was just a wonderful woman and whenever we drove out of our very modest neighborhood and through a real pretty neighborhood, she’d shake her finger at me and smile and say, “There’s trouble behind those doors,” which helped me a lot.

But persevere. Persist. Be faithful with the meditation, always affirming to yourself as you go into meditation who you are, what you believe in, and who you seek. I am not suggesting that you learn to channel. I am suggesting that you allow yourself to feel in a different way than you have been feeling and in meditation, feeling is spontaneous because your true nature is one of joy and peace. It comes from within. It bubbles up like a spring, but you simply have to wait for it to do that.

I think I have covered everything I can about meditation.

There are tricks to center the mind, yes, on meditation. But the thing of it is, you are really experienced in visualizing since you have dealt with spiritism and because you do not yet have total control over your state-of-mind, whether it is positive or affirmative and self-serving to others, or negative and feeling sorry for yourself, and feeling paranoid of other people and doing a lot of defensive stuff.

You ask about how was I able to be healed from my pain? No. Some healings of things that apparently aren’t central to the important things I need to pay attention to. For instance, I had three cysts on my right ovary and in ’75, Don took me over to the Philippines and there was a psychic surgeon there who scanned my body with his hands. He was told that I had arthritis. Then he plunged his hands into my belly and squished all around and it felt very strange, but he came out with three little bloody things, and it turned out that the next time I went to the gynecologist, I no longer had three cysts on my right ovary.

Again, eighteen years later, just this year, just before I married I had a GYN exam, I am 45 now, and people reported, your equipment is fine except that you have got this fibroid tumor, which I thought was not terrifically good news. When I went back this time to have it checked, one of them had disappeared. I had two of them. The other one had shrunk from worry, worry, to less than the size of a marble. I never had any problem with it. I never had any pain with it.

But at any rate, it is not that I don’t believe in the possibility of healing. It is just that I know the odds are long in my case because I have had arthritis since I was thirteen and when you have remissions, usually you have remissions early, the first five years or so of the disease. It just hasn’t happened to me, but I fight it as hard as I can. I get up and walk a half hour in the morning before our morning offering and then after the morning offering, I go four times a week to jazzercise and just shake it. Give it all I have. My feet are sore and my knees, everything is sore. But I find that if I don’t exercise those muscles, I won’t have them. I was supposed to be in a wheelchair some six or seven years ago and by exercising really hard and staying in really good shape, I have, at least, managed to stay out of the wheelchair.

Now I am sorry I wasn’t healed from my pain. But I think what I am being healed of is being bitter about being in pain all of the time. And the way I have done it is simply to continue seeking a larger point of view, to try to have some kind of a sense of humor and when you are suffering, a sense of humor is really hard to come by. It really helps to see the whole thing as kind of a black comedy. I think in a way it also helps to see yourself as the heroine of a soap opera because they come out right in the end and I think all of this does come out right. We may not see it.

I may not come out right in this incarnation, but I feel that the idea of justice is a somewhat negative concept, suggesting that there is a right and a wrong that is absolute and to me, right and wrong are very gray in a lot of areas. Whereas, right and wrong in a spiritual, or metaphysical or religious sense are blended together in the concept of redemption or salvation. It isn’t that the spiritual person denies the world’s imperfections, which I think are due to the fact that all is truly relative. Some people can look at one situation and see the good in it and another can see the bad in it. You do have a choice.

Whereas I think in the spiritual realm, it is more cut and dried. You are either radiant or you are magnetic. You either want to give or you want to receive. Before you begin to give, let me suggest to you, that you get your anger out. I don’t know if you have a counselor or therapist, but if you don’t, even if it is just talking to yourself, or writing it down, or writing me about it or just getting it out, getting it all out, getting all of the bitterness and sadness out, and really looking at it. Even really intensifying your feelings about it, and then with all of that in mind, to begin to take the steps back. To begin to release that. And to allow something else to come into the mind, an alternative reality based on the same facts with a different point of view.

I don’t really believe much in karma. I don’t think I have arthritis because it is all my fault and I don’t think you were put in jail because it is all your fault. I don’t think that we arranged for these lessons in any pre-destined way. On the other hand, we arranged for something along these lines. I do believe that, but we have always got the free choice of whether to choose this ordeal or another ordeal. But ordeals we are going to get because that is the nature of this density. We are given the ordeals so that we may make a choice in a powerful way.

The reason that making a choice in this density is powerful is that we can only know the goodness of God through faith. Oh, it is very easy once you have gotten out of this life to say, “Of course, I believe in God. I think everything works out for the best,” etc. It is must more difficult to do it when your faith is merely a hope in things unseen, mysterious to you and unknown. But I encourage you to follow through that within that stirs your mind and your heart; to mother yourself; to be nice to yourself in any way that you can possibly think of. Especially when you are down on yourself because of being in the wrong country, although I am not sure if I were Panamanian that I would want to go back to Panama right now. And the kids and all of the things that are wrong now and finding within yourself the beauty, and the strength and the perfection of your inner being because you are a spark of God and God’s spark is in you.

There is a family relationship going on here and you have a birthright that is eternal. An inheritance, and in return, what you are doing in this and all incarnations is experiencing things so that the Creator might experience Itself. This does not justify suffering. What justifies suffering is that if we do not suffer, we do not make the choice, or at least not nearly so quickly is what the Ra material says. So make the choice and keep making the choice because as you make each choice, you will be stronger. You will be more polarized towards service-to-others and you will be feeling more self-confidence, real and authentic as a person because you will be able to say who you are; what you believe in; what you want to live for.

When you are in that state of mind where you are glorying in being a child of God, and feeling the unity of all things that there are because everything has that spark of God, then service comes easy and there seems to be an infinite supply, depending on who is asking you for help. As to those people whom you have been of service to, who have betrayed you in your perception and perhaps in truth, although it is a long life and they may make it up to you after you are out of these surroundings that they can’t deal with, if you let them.

The start of that thought is, it is not your fault what other people do. It is not, and does not have to be, let’s put it that way, catalyst to you. The definition of catalyst, I don’t know what your education level is, you sure look bright. All of your typing is perfect and you spell perfectly, but in case you don’t know, catalyst is something that itself is unchanged while causing a change in another chemical substance and I think when Ra uses the word catalyst, he means that another person is not unchanged by your reaction to him. But he may serve as catalyst because you have an uncontrolled reaction to the person.

You can use that catalyst in one of two ways. You can feel hurt, rejected, despairing, terrorized, paranoid, etc., which is a choice that has a certain amount of chewy satisfaction to it. Or you can choose to be a person who, when he sees an enemy, chooses to pray for that enemy, not in any fakey way, not in any grandiose way, but just, “Dear Lord, watch over your servant, (name), bless and guide him wherever he may be. Strengthen him when he stands. Comfort him when discouraged or sorrowful. Raise him up if he falls. And in his heart, may that peace, which passeth all understanding abide all of the days of his life. Amen.”

It is a real good prayer. One that I stole from the Episcopal Prayer Book. It is a birthday prayer for little children, but I think it says a lot, and when I can’t think of anything good to pray about for this person that has really bothered me, I find that that prayer is a real life saver because once we start praying about people, we start seeing things with more and more compassion. There is a tremendous amount of power in prayer. It is all working on the inner levels. It might not do a thing for the person whom you are praying for, or it might. But that is not relevant to you. You are praying in response to catalyst of that person being mean to you, rude, or cruel or whatever, and it is a way of healing yourself and you really do need to heal yourself.

You need to be very good to yourself. You need to have a laugh every once in a while. And just really turn that agenda around and it is not impossible. When you are feeling sad, I am going to end this tape by singing a song that I always sing when I feel sad, and if you are not a Christian and don’t want to deal with Jesus Christ, then you can say Creator, which has the same number of syllables and would mean the same thing.

Before I do that, there just are a couple of things in here that you ask that I thought maybe I would answer. Needless to say, Jim has probably answered it better, but probably also differently, so here is my basic feeling about your friend who has her guides with her and can communicate.

No. 1: use your discrimination above all things. Don’t take in anything that is given to you by an authority of any kind. That includes me, and your friend and anyone else who thinks that he or she may have an opinion that would be of help to you. You are the one who needs your truth and nobody else’s and you will vibrate to it, recognize it. It is almost as if you knew it, but you had forgotten it. Then it is your truth. Then you can take it in. If you don’t have that connection to it right away, then just forget it.

Let me deal with these colors. I am not much on the color bit, but feet gold, body violet, hands green and head white. I don’t exactly know whether she was reading your aura or what. If she was reading your aura, that is an unusual aura because normally the colorations are strongest around the head. One has to go through a lot of different cultures to examine all of the different meanings for colors. A glowing gold is said to be a very high vibrational color. Violet is the color of penitential seasons in the Christian church. And the color of the work in consciousness, which I suppose is making it sound positive, but it is the same kind of thing in the New Age movement. It is where you do your work, just like when you feel poorly about something, you’ll mend your life. It has to do with penitence, suffering, and spiritual growth.

Your hands, green. Now she may have said that you had healing energy because an apple green has in some cases been reported as a healing color. It has also been reported by Ra as a heart problem.

Now your head being white, it just doesn’t fit. I mean if she could see all these colors in less important parts of your aura and all she saw was white around the head, either something is being kept from her because you undoubtedly have some coloration there, or you have a white aura and I don’t know what it means. But it certainly means that I have never been with people who saw a white aura and I have been around this stuff since 1962.

Basically, I wouldn’t take any of that in anymore than I would take what I say in, unless it feels good and unless you feel that there is total positivity there. I would advise you to go through this process of preparing yourself to be a stable, compassionate, positively oriented human being who sees life as a series of challenges, not as a series of disasters. So that you unstress yourself. You get peaceful. You accept where you are, what you are doing and you just try to do it the very best you can, and forget everybody else. Let them make their own mistakes. As long as you are being good to them, that is your gold that is your treasure. That is what you will take out of this incarnation is every single time you tried to be of help. The more you do that, the more you polarize the better chance you have of getting out of the prison of third density and moving on to more spacious lessons and a larger life in many ways.

I am not saying that this woman is in any way a fake or that her guidance isn’t good. I am simply saying that it is not good to take things in without a lot of discrimination and feeling your own feelings about it. You will feel what is right for you. Believe in yourself. I don’t care if anybody else in this world does. Love yourself, no matter how many times people have hurt you and betrayed you. It hasn’t changed your nature. It has only changed theirs, unless you let it.

We are not communicating with Ra any more because we were having enough trouble with it with Don, and both Jim and I felt after he died that trying to do it without that perfect threesome. You know, we really got along so well together and lived so well together that we just wouldn’t have the protection. We wouldn’t have the purity of intention, etc., so we quit it voluntarily.

How is it possible to initiate communication? I would really recommend that you didn’t, except simply to ask mentally for comfort in your quiet times. Also because of the negative atmosphere in which you are bound to be living, I would suggest some real simple prayers. I would suggest in the morning that you say to yourself upon rising, “This is the day which the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. Amen.” It orients you for the day. But this is before you get out of bed in the morning.

When you go to bed at night, I would suggest saying the Lord’s Prayer. It works real well for everybody, Buddhists included, because it is about God, not about Jesus. It is a very powerful prayer and a lot of people use it, and I think you will find that if you have trouble saying it the first time, if you persevere and still have trouble saying it the second time, you simply persevere until you say it all the way through, thinking about each phrase, etc., then you have cleared out your metaphysical cupboard for the day. I guess it is the spiritual equivalent of morning exercises or something.

If you feel attacked, invaded, abused in some mental or spiritual way by your circumstances, or by your dreams at night, I would suggest sitting up and drawing a circle around you, from front to back, starting with your hands clasped and saying, “I draw about myself the circle of Jesus Christ, whom I serve with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind and all my strength. Across this line, may no evil spirit dare to set its foot.” Again instead of Jesus Christ, if that is not your bag, state the highest and best image or symbol that you know that is service-to-others specifically, not just the love of the Infinite Creator because negative entities also use the love of the Infinite Creator.

And just before you go to sleep at night, I still say, “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” Because I want to end up some place else, if there is some place else. I want to wind up where I have been headed and it is just a way of keeping my mind tuned in to the purpose of my life, the heart of my life, and the purpose beyond my life in this incarnation. I want to hang out with the Creator. I want to know more and more about the Creator. I want to worship Him more and more and by those experiences of worship, to feel the reality of what is happening to me.

I don’t think I have ever wanted anything else in my life except kids and a husband and a home. I wanted to be a housewife and I never got to be one because my first husband, I married because we were going to go on tour fronting for Peter, Paul and Mary, singing folk songs back in the sixties. And he said he wouldn’t go on tour unless we were married because it was not moral. He was a hard shell Southern Baptist, not now, but he was then. So we got married, and then by golly, he hung up his guitar at the beginning of the end.

Your little picture, I just notice something very interesting about it. You do have hope. You drew yourself pretty, a pretty dress on, with grass, and although your caption read “Why no mail for me?” the flag was up on the mailbox. That means that there is something either waiting to go out, or it has come in. Yes? So there is mail in your mailbox. There is love in the Universe. I offer you my own. You are a stranger, but I love you because I know that you are a sister and that we are both children of God.

The song that I wanted to sing for you, and pardon my voice, I have been singing since 9 a.m. We have choir practice and then we have church. I have felt when I am suffering that these words, which were written in the fourth century by [inaudible] really speak to me and I will read them first because I realize when I sing, it is not as easy to understand the words.

Lord Jesus, look on me and purge away my sin, From harmful passion set me free and make me pure within. Lord Jesus, look on me with care and woe oppressed, Let me, they loving servant be, and taste thy promised rest. Lord Jesus, think on me nor let me go astray, Through darkness and complexity, point thou the heavenly way. Lord Jesus, look on me that when the flood is past, I may the eternal brightness see and share the joy at last.

That song gives you a lot of comfort and I recommend it to you. Like I said, you can substitute Creator for Jesus Christ. So don’t give up, girl. Hang in there. Take one day at a time. Take it easy. Greet each apparent failure of yours with the mother in you and hold you in her arms and say, “Honey, it’s okay. You did the best you could. Now get out and brush yourself off and give it another try.” Just persist and have faith in yourself and in the world that exists outside of your prison, your mental prison and your physical prison.

There will always be weather, terrible storms, terrible droughts, all kinds of things in the world outside and in the emotional world, it is the same weather. Always varying, not like California. Roll with it as best you can. Cherish yourself and don’t give up. Whatever you are suffering, know, have faith that there is more to you than that and that if you can’t get through to that extra something right now, you will later. Meanwhile, when you are feeling lousy, tough it out.

My best wishes and love go with you. If I can help you again, write to me again. Otherwise, just keep writing to Jim. I really couldn’t let your letter go without trying to help you see more comfort and peace of mind for you. And give you a little feeling of joy, friendship, and caring.

God bless.

Carla