Letter to B

CAVEAT: Warning! These letters have not been edited by Carla. Expect errors.

Dear B,

My energy field is anomalistic and sometimes I spend time spinning my wheels writing tapes that don’t record, so I try to test every one.

Thank you for your letter. It was a long letter, but it was worth reading and I really enjoyed it and honored that you asked me these questions. I am a very bluntly honest person and you are the only person whose channeling I have ever read where I could honestly say that it was excellent. You seem to be a very clear person and the work that you do on your spiritual life is very much honored that you would think that I was a wise woman, because I really have simply have gifts given to me. Believe me, I haven’t worked for them and I do have clarity given to me. I have faith given to me. And I have an intellect given to me that [inaudible]. These things are just so lucky and without those things … plus I guess the ability to observe. Probably I am maybe somebody good to ask about things simply the reason that I have been doing this for, I started channeling in 1974 and I started going to the meditations in 1962, so it has been a while now that I have been doing this. Yesterday I was 46 and I have been into this since I was in my early twenties, maybe 22.

Let me go through and respond to your questions and your thoughts. I really appreciate your doing this on paper and would encourage you if you wish to write back with more any more questions to write me a long letter because I read quickly. I have to listen in real time and because of the fact that I do get sometimes I think more correspondence than I can handle, I find that if I can look through someone’s letter, no matter how long, with my faithful highlighter, I am ready in record time to put my mind and my heart to answering the questions.

I will say two things before I begin.

No. l: I go in and out of the channeling mode when I am working with people when they ask me questions. It is not the same kind of channeling that I do on Sunday nights. It is an inner channeling of a deeper part of the self, but I am really not as wise as sometimes my words indicate.

No. 2: Whatever wisdom there is, or inspiration, fine. Granted it is yours. Just like your contact said. You will recognize the truth. You will remember to do that and if you don’t have that kind of solid experience about a phenomenon or a concept, lose it. Don’t listen to anything that I have to say if it doesn’t resonate with your own truth because, again as Aaron pointed out, truth is truth with a lower case “t.” The mystery remains constantly and probably eternally.

Don’t take my word as anything more than that of a teacher who is somewhat opinionated and remember that I am a teach/learner and consider you my colleague. I say these things although it seems very unlikely that you would run a guru trip with the kind of intelligence and purity that you are showing in your letter. I like to encourage people to think of me as a complete bozo, a regular person, who happens to have been in this field for a long time and, therefore, is willing to give her opinion, but in my life, yes, I do many things in the field.

I try always to, I mean I am attempting to live a life of Christ. I fail, and fail and fail, both large and small, and I am just a bozo like everybody else.

I was concerned as, I noted in your letter, you were that I was teaching things I didn’t really even know that I was channeling, when in reality I might perhaps be rather upset about something in my personal life, but I can clear myself in order to channel. I talked to my spiritual adviser, who happens to be my priest at the Episcopal Church and he just grinned and said that if there were no hypocrites allowed to be teachers, there would be no teachers, which I thought was a sensitive point. I think it is true. We know more than we can manifest for the most part unless we are of the kind of personality that doesn’t desire to know. There are people living in shacks and hovels and very poorly, etc., or in tribes around the world, that are doing just fine.

We have to work, but I do feel that in order to be enormously encouraged, I congratulate you in your channeling Aaron because I really feel that I am talking to a colleague. It is a pure contact so far. You must simply be a fairly clear channel. You didn’t say that you were challenging the spirit and I would, if I were you, do so even if you feel safe because over-confidence in this situation can get you truly screwed up. The negative polarity can use the light just as well as the positive polarity. Consequently, it can come in on the same light vibration as the positive entity, Aaron, and sound very much like Aaron until you start getting negatively-oriented information like doom and gloom, the time is nearer, get to safe places.

Some people will go along, some people will not. There are ones who will be lifted off the planet, but the ones who don’t belong, won’t be, and all of that kind of stuff. You know, things will go down the drain fast with that kind of info.

Of course, in your channeling there is none of that in what you are doing, so protect it by challenging.

You and I are two gimps together, I guess. I have arthritis and lupus and I exercise six days a week at jazzercise, but I am pretty much flat on my back the rest of the time, especially right now because in November I was hit from behind. I was riding with my mother in a Nissan and a car in front of her stopped from speed at about 40 mph for no reason. I mean no turning. I think what happened, this poor girl was from out-of-county was looking for a mall to shop in for Christmas and she had taken a wrong turn off of the Expressway and instead of hitting the mall, she was the residential part and suddenly she realized she couldn’t possibly be in the right place. That is just conjecture.

I never did talk to her, but Mother has the reflexes of a frog. She stopped clear, believe it or not in her Nissan, and we just had time to look at each other and say, “Golly,” when bamo, a pickup truck hits the Nissan in the rear. Needless to say, my neck is in a collar because it was subluxed anyway and I was lucky that my neck didn’t get broken. They had to take me out of the car with a jaws of life. It was very dramatic and weird and since Nov. I have had a headache. My life is, “What next?”

You have the deafness to deal with and the deafness is an interesting limitation. It doesn’t hurt, I hope. That is one thing I do have to deal with, but it completely offers you perception of reality and my disablement has completely the altered my concept of reality too because basically since I can’t use my hands. I have had ten operations on my hands, and I really think I am out of options except for faith and prayer. And they (my hands) don’t work very well. They are about half numb etc.

I do not minimize the deafness nor do I minimize my own disability, which happens to be [inaudible] and host of related problems that the limitations would be the whatever. Your limitation of deafness or mine would be limitation of movement, is, indeed, very neutral. It is catalyst and you have to sort of vibe out. Either meditate and get the answer, or ask for the answer in your dreams, or just pray on it and let it come to you in its own good time. You will know what lesson of love your deafness is teaching, and I think you are on the right trick when you begin to speak of Love, because Love casts out fear.

The fear connected with the deafness is your real problem, not the deafness. The deafness is just catalyst. There are a lot of deaf people and some lead really positive lives and adapt well. Others sour on life because of the experience. They are angry at God, etc. This happened to you because you were in denial for a while. I did the same thing. I waited until I couldn’t climb stairs. I waited until I couldn’t close my hand enough to open a door knob. I waited until I waddled because as skinny as I am, my hips were hurting so much that I couldn’t walk right.

I went in only as a last desperate measure. I was really trying to deny that I had a disabling disease like arthritis. It had been diagnosed when my kidneys failed when I was thirteen and it simply hadn’t bothered me. When it bothered me was when I went to work for Don. It started to really limit me and because of the fact that I was in denial for a while, I really missed my chance at minimizing the damage because it went like wild fire all through my body. By the time I sought help, and was willing to admit that I was going to have to take pills probably for the rest of my life, which I did not want to do, either that be in one place and a lot of pain. I went to the doctor. My sedimentation was real high like 128 or something like that. I mean I had arthritis and really it burned out after I started taking the medication so that I didn’t have as quick a decline after the medication as before by a long shot.

As a matter of fact, after I had been on the medication for some time and was just resting back because constant pain really does make you tired, I was beginning to be unable to sit up, which concerned me. So I had it looked into and I was simply told that I was going to be in a wheelchair in five years, which really made me think. I didn’t want to be in a wheelchair. That made me realize that this catalyst was here to stay and that I was needing to pay as much attention to this situation as I possibly could and find the love in it and find my way. Of course, the only way I could do that was to have faith that what was happening is what should be happening. But I do have that faith.

I always encourage people who do have a limitation to refrain from saying, “It is not really that bad,” or “I know a lot of people are worse off than I am,” or any of those humbly things that you say to take the heat off of yourself. It is true. Life is unfair, seemingly from within the illusion. Life is dramatically unfair and some of us have cosmic bad luck.

I don’t believe anything happens without a reason. It is not that it isn’t totally a God-determined universe, but that it is a universe determined by the Logos, the sub-logos, and the sub-sub-logos, which are you and I. I think one way to forgive yourself for the deafness and to forgive the deafness is to see it for that fear, which is catalyst and to look into that catalyst for the Love, for the lesson of Love. Like you said, that lesson is, “Just have no fear, please.” But it sounds like a real ordeal and I congratulate you for surviving.

On the other hand, I realize that you made your work harder on yourself by delaying coping with it in a deep way. That is good. That is okay. I think that is human. We have to accept our hump of humanness, I guess I would call it. Our free will, our variousness. We will be different from time-to-time and that is the way it is. We just need to accept that fact.

I myself went through the same thing—I didn’t gain a lot of weight. Actually I had trouble keeping my weight because it just wasn’t any fun to eat at all and I was trying to eat healthy to get myself to get better. I weigh much less than I used to. I used to weigh about 110 or 115, which is right for 5’4 1/2. It was a nice figure. Now I weight about 100 or 102. During the Ra contact, I went down to 84 at one point.

Jim has really made it easy for me since I can’t move around much. I’ve got all of my favorite stuff, all of my other church work stuff, the books I am reading, all of the different kinds of stationery for when I wear different hats, and TV stuff and my pills. It is just so handy to have it all right here. It makes it so much easier for me to work. I appreciate that he took the time to build it. What he did was, he built a shelf on the top end of the sofa back and braced it against the window. It seems to work really well.

I am familiar with working too hard and then snapping at people. I have a demon inside of me, part of myself that is left over from my childhood. My father was always extremely strict and so was my mother, and they were demanding. I had one of those prodigy IQs and they were not satisfied unless I got every single grade, the highest grade. If I came home with one B, my father would say, “What’s with this B?” I never got any credit for any of that stuff so, consequently, I found my only way of helping them get through the day. My mother was slowly falling into an alcoholism making her dysfunctional. My father was an engineer who had the ability to play jazz drums and so he had jobs quite a few nights out of the week, and I just flat didn’t see my parents that much.

The real reason I do, to this day, try to do too much. Try to do more than my energy is up for, but I am working on that. I have started giving myself a nap. One thing I don’t do is show off my feelings, or go into isolation or lose any sense of God because you see, I haven’t had to work for that in this lifetime. It has always been there, an unshakeable faith and trust in God and Jesus Christ, and that has helped me. I feel so humble when I speak to someone who has to work so very consciously and hard, moment-by-moment. If I worked as hard as you do, I wonder what would happen.

I don’t. I really admire you for working with your dreams, and essaying and really having a moment-by-moment sense of the eternity of the eternal. I get a tremendous amount of that kind of energy from your letter.

So you began to meditate and walking the spiritual super market. You became interested in reincarnation and karma, and you found that it was possible to forgive yourself.

I think that karma is much misunderstood, to tell you the truth. Karma is like something that has been set in motion and it is just rolling along. There is no actual force to karma. It is inertia. It keeps rolling as it is being pushed. What stops it is forgiveness and it has to be forgiveness of the other person and forgiveness of yourself. So you hit it right on the beam when you said, “I began to do much more caring to myself to forgive myself.” Right on. You did good.

Up until this last year, you were having ambivalent thoughts. You were thinking too much. First of all you were thinking forgiveness and second of all, you were still wanting to know why this had happened to you and really blaming God for it. As you did the journal work, you opened up to your subconscious more and more and finally opened up to the point where you could communicate with the metaphysical being.

I found Aaron to be a very clear channel. We are all mankind and it is exactly right. We are all the universe. I question actual reality of this illusion in any sense. I question the illusion in mass because I have never been able to find the mass even of an electron. I have only been able to measure the energy of its path so basically we are motion of light particles in certain configurations of energy vibrations and that identification of myself moves out the animal that carries me around. But I think it is very important to appreciate, understand and be as nice as possible to the animal that carries you around, not judging it because it got you into denseville. Bad luck is bad luck. Life is not fair and trying to make yourself, “Oh, it’s okay. It doesn’t bother me. No, I am no Pollyanna. I am so good,” you don’t have to do that.

It’s a bark to be deaf or to be lying on the couch because various portions of yourself are not working right. There is no need to be a Pollyanna about it. There is also no need to feel sorry for yourself. It is just life. The only thing you are responsible for is your reaction, and a creative action in the face of whatever is usually ground in Love. The deafness, I think perhaps, was your own Higher Self’s decision of a way for you to learn that we are all one because it created an intensified illusion for you of experience. That probably was the trigger form and created when you had a choice as opposed to karma. But that is just my opinion.

I read what you said about the ego and I very much appreciate Aaron’s making it clear to accept anything, that there was no pressure to believe what Aaron was saying unless it felt right to you. These are all hallmarks of positive channeling.

This being who is evolved beyond the nature of returning to the physical plane is from beyond the causal plane. As far as I know, he is beyond this density, which means that he is likely a member of the Confederation of Planets in service to the Infinite Creator, out of whom I suspect are angels. It is just that angels move around so much. They try to help people. He shows some of the symptoms of the inner channel, an inner guide. I think that the closest I would come would probably be from the Holy Spirit because he is a mixture of guide and impersonal knowledge. I think perhaps if you have a group and develop questions in the group where they are really sound, good questions, and the group consisted of at least three people, that you will have a more universal message, which would probably please you.

He describes himself as a being of light, which probably suggests that he is fifth density, which would be the density of wisdom. This is the message in terms of the Ra material, the books that we do publish. I’ll send you a catalogue if I can remember. Aaron’s suggestion is simply to say that it is a thought received. That is exactly, and completely and totally all that you are supposed to do. Picture it as a baseball. You catch the concept clothed in your words and throw it. Then you are free to catch the next concept and throw it, ad infinitum. You just have to keep going. If you stop and say, “What?” or “I doubt that,” or anything like that, then you have blocked the channel for that particular time.

It is really a question of suspending disbelief, being totally willing to be an absolute tool and saying what comes to mind. It has never failed me, even when I thought it failed me, it hasn’t failed me. I would very much encourage you never to worry about what is being said when you begin channeling, even if you don’t know much about the subject. What you will receive would be of necessity since you are a conscious channel in language that is yours rather than the specific language of the fifth density. That is part of the 25% or so that I think that a good channel puts into a contact.

It is possible that you missed my meaning in the book. I did not mean that a channel contributes her own ideas. I meant that when one receives a concept, one has to clothe that concept in words so I find myself using my vocabulary, my feeling for nuance, my very experiences that I have had before as ways of conceptualizing, and stating and manifesting what I am hearing inside.

I am not really hearing anything. It just comes to me. It feels like my own thought. You just have to be loose. Just be loose as a goose and not worry about a thing. I mean, I have had numbers and letters mailed through me for about thirty seconds before and then when I was teaching channeling to somebody, I started getting 3, 10, 6, J, but I channeled it. the process is to trust the channel once that you have begun and I guess the contact that I had gotten to work with the channels knew me well enough to know that I am very single minded. Once I get satisfied that I am in good channel, I will just challenge the entity and just go ahead and channel until something actual harmful may come out of it. Then I would stop, but that has never happened.

The reason that they did that to me was not make me feel foolish, but to illustrate how a channel really has to approach the business of channeling. You can’t approach channeling as if you have any conceptual input into it. You are responsible for clearing in language, metaphor, example, anything that comes to you, the concept that you are receiving. It would be very difficult for me to believe that you could keep yourself out of the thing completely without going into a complete trance. There was never a possibility of your thinking and considering anything, but I have found trance channeling not to be good for me, although certainly the best contact we ever had was in trance.

As to the question, “Was I meant to be some kind of channel?”

You are not meant to. You may choose to. This brings up a very, very cardinal point of the basic philosophy and cosmology of the Law of One. You gave yourself this assignment probably. You probably came to work and were incarnated because you had a plan; because you had a hope to bring light to the world and to help with the harvest. But you have free will. If you cannot say, “Let this cup pass from me, Lord, not my will be done but thine,” drop channeling. Channeling is a lay ministry as far as I am concerned and is very, very serious and rewarding, and it requests of an early individual an attempt at excellence, especially morally and ethically, but basically in every area of life. As Paul would say, “You are in this race,” so I was really impressed by what Aaron said.

He remained giving you your free will. He didn’t say negatively oriented, “You have been chosen by the Galactic command,” and all kinds of titles like that. Positive channels never give themselves titles. Like Jesus kept calling himself the son of man, which was as humble as he could be.

But you are free to choose. You really are. You could stop or you can go on, but if you go on, realize that you are in a lay ministry and you have to live a certain kind of life in order to keep your channel clear. You have to clear those lower energy centers constantly. If that means talking to your husband until two o’clock in the morning one night when things aren’t working, it is important work. You cannot allow the marital disharmony in your life. Yet a person with no ministry can because of the fact that you are a light worker. Let me tell you from experience, if you do good work for the light, you will come to the attention of the loyal opposition. You don’t seem to have very many vices of vanity or any of those things, gluttony, whatever and so I imagine that the negative entities are having a heck of time giving you any kind of temptation because you just naturally are a pretty pure person. I can see that from what you say.

But beware of any negative thought that comes to you, not because it is a negative thought, but because it can be intensified for you to a really scary point by psychic greeting. You are at that point, which is what you must do is to love and pray for the entity that is spitefully using you, and give a blessing to his friendlies and forgive yourself for your part in this.

Aaron speaks about trust and doing what is right. I think that there is an implied suggestion here to challenge for the ultimate trust when you get the vibrations, no matter how many times you have had it, no matter how familiar it might be, challenge that entity. You can challenge in the name of Jesus Christ.

Forgive me, by the way, for answering you on tape, which has to be listened to in real time when I specifically ask people to write me so that I can answer them quicker. I don’t mean to suggest that I am busier than you are. I am sure that is not true. It is just that with my hands, I find it very difficult to write the amount of information that I wish to share with people who are serious students and asking serious questions. And I can do it with tape. I haven’t really gotten to the point on tape where I am any good stylist, but at least I can express myself. What I do basically is hold the letter and get the feeling of the person from whom the letter is from.

That is one good sign when Aaron says, “You are always free and you must use this responsibility wisely.” I’d like to expand on that a little bit. Don’t give your opinion on other channels like JCK and it would be very tempting to do so. And you would probably have the same kind of thing to say about JCK that I do from personal distress that I received from reading her book, and the right use of wills and that hit me as being pretty negative. Don’t lay that on people because in my observation, every book helps somebody. Some people only go in for fluff so RM or CG, maybe the apex of their intellectual career, but there are other people who read books that you may consider to be somewhat lacking in clarity, or in resources or tools to be used for accelerating growth. But it helps somebody so don’t badmouth anybody.

It is a very tacky feeling. This is a hard thing to do is not to badmouth people, but when people ask me about a particular channel, I simply iterate what is in the Ra material, the marks of a positive contact and the marks of a negative contact, and let the person decide for themselves.

Using the responsibility wisely simply means that you don’t push your opinions on people just because you are a channel. It doesn’t make you better than they are because you well know that I iterate that. It doesn’t make you worse than them. It makes you their servant and the last thing that you want to do is to give them negative slants on material. If they see the negativity, fine. If they don’t see the negativity, they don’t need to know about it. They were too naïve or too young to recognize it.

As a person, if you see someone doing things that concern you, you can speak out, especially if you are asked, once anyway, but for the most part, you must observe free will.

You said you just don’t feel ready to do that and I didn’t either. I was the most reluctant channel you ever knew. I started listening to channeling and meditation in 1962 and in 1974 my boss (Elkins, he is dead now) said, “It is your turn. Your free lunch is over. You are learning to channel.” I did that. It took about two months. It took a long time for me. I am not the kind of person who people call psychic. I can’t bend spoons and I can’t heal. I don’t know what the next word is going to come from somebody.

I am very empathic. I can feel people’s feelings very well, but I don’t know what they are thinking.

To remove all doubt about trust, go through the process of challenging in the name of Jesus the Christ, whose disciple you are. I challenge three times. First I ask, “Do you come in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ? I challenge you in the name of Jesus Christ.” And then I give one last fierce, “Be gone if you are not of Christ,” which, you’d be surprised how they disappear when you get serious. Just do that and I think you will then be more full of trust than any other way.

As to Aaron being your personal guide, my guess is that the Holy Spirit is made up of numerous angelic presences or UFO entities, whatever you want to call them, and that different people have different vibrations and are comforted by different entities. So the entity that is the Holy Spirit for you is your personal guide. Aaron says, “Yes, I am your personal guide,” but you must realize that he is an impersonal personal guide. Your basic desire is to move the information, not in a way of “Heavens, we have to do this to save the world,” but just a dispassionate effort to make the material available. That is not selfish. That is simply recognizing that something that you have done has merit and you have to do that yourself. If you don’t want to, I’ll tell you.

I’ve worked with many channels. I’ve never seen one before that is my equal as far as the purity of the contact and I am so glad to have a call in. So many channels lose out to the temptations of money, and fame and doing psychic readings. If they are not psychic, they fake it and all of that kind of stuff. It is really sad. It doesn’t mean that you and I cannot be impeccable spiritual warriors.

There is a little book called “The Impersonal Life.” It is anonymous. That is what you would expect by such an author and it is available from Devorss. It is a mail order house in California. You might also be able to order it through a local book shop. I think you will probably find it interesting.

Moving right along, I really think that Aaron’s advice to lighten up and not spend so much time writing is very wise, because what you need to be a worthwhile, spiritual entity is passion. The kind of passion that glows; that is radiant; that is led beyond love—that’s the orgasm. Real passion. When you are intellectually doing the typing and doing this and questions, etc., you are doing a very great spiritual service, but it is not for yourself. In order to continue being of service to other people, you need to feed and nourish your own inner self. The bread and water of eternal life are found in the silence. It is there that you get your nourishment. Perhaps at Friend’s meetings. Quakers are wonderful religion, in my opinion.

You can have a morning offering each day. I recommend that highly. You seem to be meditating daily already. You are in good shape. I just really admire you for working so hard. I liked Aarons’ comment when you say, “The silence feels so empty and yet it is full. Your heart is closed.” I found that to be very true. The Creator is always there. Love is always there. There is no reason to become sidetracked.

“We each teach what we know.” Remember to attempt to always be honest. Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know,” when you are talking to people. Be absolutely crystal clear about it. You have no ego in balancing it when you are working as a channel. Your only responsibility is to maintain your tuning and your concentration level.

As to what Aaron said about enlightenment that is very true. I see enlightenment as a process. When you have high experiences, it is like you are in the dark night of the soul, and you work, and you work and then all of a sudden, bingo. Ha ha. I understand the lesson. You are feeling great and you have mounting experience. That means that you won’t get that lesson again probably, except maybe once to kind of test and make sure that you did get the lesson. No matter how incredible that lesson is, no matter how much truth, and how much profundity, and depth of meaning that seems to have for you, it will eventually be outgrown because the truth is nominal. That is to say, as we progress, it progresses in front of us infinitely like a carrot to the donkey.

Ours is not a density of understanding. Ours is a density of faith. Realize that enlightenment is a process and you will suffer in this process and in the suffering comes the gold. Just try to be cheerful when you can be. Honest at all times and the devil take the hindmost is my advice to you.

You have a quirk to your personality that I don’t and it makes it more difficult for me to comment. You said, “Now I understood where the silence is taking me. Where do I go from there?” and Aaron said, “Why must you always long to go somewhere, child? You must see from today that you are already everywhere.”

This is entirely and completely true and to be pondered because it makes of the universe a microcosm universe in you that is complete, and in every other human being that is complete so that you look as a series of polygraphs of the Creator. This started like mirrors in a funny mirror thing in a carnival. You are seeing something that is real and it is all within you. What you do is simply sink more and more into yourself. As you do this, you will be nauseated, depressed, aggravated and angry about portions of your own personality. Go through a process of self-forgiveness. You need to come into a peace with the way you are, the way your body is, the way your sexuality is, the way your relationships are, the way your relationship to society is. Only when those things work out do you have an even chance at an open and honestly unconditional Love. Only at that point are you ready to open yourself to the somewhat high energy that any channel deals with.

“Aaron always tells me I am exactly where I need to be at any moment.” This is, indeed, true.

“The greatest obstacle I am finding this month is the issue of self, of continuity of consciousness.” The issue of self: I think that consciousness is the Creator. I think that the consciousness that is not conscious of anything or thinking about anything is Intelligent Infinity, but I think that God wants to know Itself so the Creator has created creation after creation with parts of Itself, given free will. It is like an equal part of the Creator-self and part of the will. We start out in third density being completely free will entities, which means that we are not going to polarize. We are going to do one thing, one bad thing, one meaningful thing, etc. and expect that you will meet a well of indifference.

What you need to do is look at yourself calmly, deliberately, systematically. I do it by analysis. Jim does it by meditation. But at the end of every day I go through the things that have caused me to react positively or negatively as opposed to not having any reaction. I find that I learn from thinking about both times and seeing where my misunderstanding was, and what my weakness was and also now seeing that, the ability to forgive myself and go on. That is the one thing that we all need to do: is to have a constant state of self-forgiveness working within us that is the Christ-self in us while we train our poor old free will until it ceases being willful and instead is willing to do the will of the Father. That is true freedom. Otherwise free will just pushes us around and you never get out of that well of indifference to do any polarizing and get out of this joint. I don’t want to do MacDonald’s for my next five thousand years, do you?

“To enter that space I must give up all self and all ego to acknowledge my own limited nature. This terrifies me. What is there when there is no self? How do I let go of all of my attachments when I honestly thought I was.”

Two questions here: “How do I let go of myself?” You don’t. You do not let go of yourself. You simply acknowledge yourself as a whole person, not just the part that you can see within the illusion, but the part that you see by faith. That is, the Creator self within. You are the Creator in holographic form. You are the creation in holographic form. It is within you. It is within all of us like our genes create the nature of who we are as they are spiritual genes. This is your bare flesh. This is not something that makes you feel out of it or out of control. It is an understanding that you are going to stop sailing on the ocean of life and dive deeper into water consciousness and learn about the less personal parts of yourself.

There are very impersonal parts to the deep mind. It is a good feeling to get in touch with them. It isn’t scary. It is not terrifying. I would like to encourage you to look upon this as the absence of self. Maybe reading The Impersonal Life would help. Get in touch with this larger self, not with false humility and certainly not with arrogance, but in simple recognition of the divinity within. You are losing no part of your true self. You are losing merely the opportunity to offer your private opinions during the time that you are channeling.

If you think about what you do every day, this is what Jim does in his meditation. He thinks about things that have happened. If it was difficult, he thinks about it and even intensifies it until it becomes really wicked. Then he releases that thought and of its own accord the opposite, the antithetical thought will come to mind. He then allows that to blossom, and flourish, and intensify and then in his mind’s eye, he will hold the action and the opposite in a balance and so bring the self into balance on that point.

I just analyze what I did and if I figure out that I did something incorrect, then I strive not to. I get really dramatic when I am intensifying. Ra finally just told me not to do it.

“You cannot transcend ego until you expect ego [inaudible].” I don’t really believe in an ego as such, but I think that for instance, if you don’t accept your body, your very first chakra is going to be blocked. You are not going to be getting the energy up into the heart center to make it possible to do communications work and work in consciousness. You have to accept the ego and work with it to the point where you feel it is serving you rather than you serving it.

“Five ways to be peaceful.” You read my book. You see when you do it that way without any judgment of yourself, the bad habits will end at their own rate when you don’t need them, and you won’t have to force yourself to do anything because you are on the beam. You are doing what you are moved to do by spirit. This may seem like a giving over of the will to an impersonal and unknown force, but in actuality, you are giving up the smaller self in order to do the work of the larger self. It isn’t terrifying. It isn’t a loss of yourself. It is a loss of your need to be the one who does the talking. It is the humble recognition that we are truly not worthy in our own opinions or in our own feelings to change or to love sufficiently.

The channeling experience of people is very, very intense and for you to work with the high energies that you work with, you do need to put yourself aside, suspend it and in order to suspend it, you need to know it. You suspend all personal opinions because you need to concentrate on catching the concepts of what you are given. This is being a totally impersonal source in spite of the fact that you are fulfilling, what I said about 25% of the channel being yours, by the simple fact that you use this particular word or that particular word to make a concept real to people or to understandable. Your vocabulary and your experiences etc. all subtlety may be used by the contact in order to give a slightly different slant, an individualistic slant, a new slant on the same old information.

Information doesn’t change, but I think what the Confederation is trying to do is say it in as many ways as possible, and they really do value that there is some input from the channel itself because otherwise all of the messages would be exactly the same. Whatever your orientations of mind are, they will show up in your channeling and this is not to say that you are a bad channel at all. It simply means that the process of channeling involves receiving concepts and by ideas find ways to express those concepts. That is what you are doing. You can’t use somebody else’s vocabulary as your own. You can’t use somebody else’s experience as your own. All you’ve got is yourself and if in all honesty it is coming to you, drone, drone, drone, keep on tossing it out even it is personal to you. Don’t worry about that.

So you feel unworthy too, huh? I work with forgiveness too, but because I am stable and because I have a very strong work ethic, I am still at the stage in my life that is just a stage of real ignorance. I haven’t yet come to the peace that my disability, while getting worse, is a matter of no significance in my life as a channel. I could basically channel in an iron lung. I do have blockages, which I must remove before I channel and as Aaron said, “Honesty will dissipate impurities of the self.” The honesty is the honesty that the self is the love of the self for it is the self in Christ that is the true self. That is the point. Mystically that is extraordinary.

I like what he had to say about the unworthiness factor. I thought that was very well put. I see you are quoting from the dark night of the soul and talking about being unworthy. Of course, you are going to be unworthy. We are human. Free will will louse you up every time. It is very difficult to be perfect when your free will is going, “Hey, I know what to do. How about this?” It is not always the right thing. Sometimes we just want to have fun.

I think that is okay. I think we must face the fact that of ourselves we know we are unworthy and realize that it takes a guide of some kind to move us from the “X” axis of horizontal daily activity to an “Y” axis of vertical, permanent being in the now. We, as light workers, are attempting to bring into time/space, space/time, the vibrations of unconditional Love. Our basic reason for being here is not with our speaking, but with our being. I would correct, “I think, therefore I am,” to “I am, therefore, I think.”

Here you are worrying about, “What can I do? What can I do?” and worrying about the continuity of self. I wouldn’t worry about that as long as you feel integrated. If you feel that you weren’t a part of the scenes, it would be a good time to stop channeling and do some work on yourself and see where the problem is. See if you are going through some kind of thing where you need to pay attention to your own personality for a while. There is no shame in that at all and there is all the time in the world.

The advice to meditate is just classic.

“See when you are ready to move your own thoughts out of the way and let me in, then we can begin.” He is not saying that you not use your mind in order to say what he has to say. He is simply saying to get yourself out of the way. It doesn’t mean that you have to lose yourself forever. You just have to get yourself up on a little shelf in your head.

And then you have a group. That is great. Tuning the groups by level is always a good idea. I haven’t had enough people lately to have a master’s channeling group or a teacher’s channeling group, but I always, even if there is even just one student just here local, I will be glad to work with him on channeling and teach him how to channel and that is very intensive in a small group. Then I also offer Sunday night meditations that are open to anybody in the world who wants to come to Louisville and listen to the Sunday night meditation.

I do find that some groups are remarkable in their strength and I hope that you will begin to find that in yours.

About the ethics of asking for donations, just put a basket out and a sign that says donations. Let it speak. Have no attachment to it and there will be no ethical problem. You need money to live. It just so happens that a man whom I worked for, and again this research was in 1968, Don Elkins, when he died, I was the closest person to him. We just adored each other. He left me a hefty hunk of life insurance, which I put into a trust. You’d be surprised how little income you get out of lot of capital, but we own the house and we scrape by quite nicely. Consequently I do not have to charge. Not everyone is in that situation and sometimes I wish I were not in this situation because I get busy and I think, “Gosh, I’d sure like to buy that dress, and I could do a reading for so and so that they asked me to do, and they could pay me $100 and I could really get that pretty dress,” but my honest opinion on the subject is that even though it feels good to work with a person on specific details of a person’s life, etc., it is like learning for the person. It is like giving the person rice instead of food.

So I have never gone in for a guiding channeling. I have tried more and more to focus on spiritual principles and asking for the highest and best information that I can on spiritual principles, which means that my channeling is good, but it is also not particularly popular because the truth about spiritual growth is that it is painful. When you are working with people by channeling, you watch them. They will change and that change will be in pain. Watch yourself and see yourself in pain. Realize that is the pain of dumping old programs from the mind that didn’t work.

There is a lot of energy that burns out there and you just let it happen.

Yes, we are lucky. We have a very faithful lady in Dayton, Ohio, who found out about our group by her daughter being in it and was so taken with the material that she asked for permission to transcribe our Sunday night meditations. She has a computer and so we have wonderful transcriptions of our stuff, almost always within a month after our channeling. We don’t have too much of a back log except that Jim always dubs my letters because he feels that as I am working with people on spiritual principles, there may come a time when he will want to go through some of these long taped letters and edit some things he wants.

You find yourself wishing that you could talk with a more knowledgeable Christian minister about some of this. I tell you, I have been lucky because my priest is a mystic. If you talk to a Christian who is not a mystic, no matter how kindly he is, he will have difficulty dealing with your supposed, alleged channeling because he, himself, has not had the experience of receiving information in this method and being a mystic, seeing the holiness in all things. That kind of a person is far more common in any religious sect than the mystical person who is willing to allow the Christ myth, as opposed to the historical Jesus, to shift emphasis and to change as the times re-define the meaning of Jesus’ teaching.

A lot of people are going to disappoint you and even give you trouble because of your statements, which are very painful things to happen. I just feel lucky that I have talked to Father B If you ever want to come and visit me for a weekend, I would be glad to take you to church and maybe make a quick appointment with Father B in-between services or something so that you can talk to him about it. He has heard my stuff and if he ever tells me that I am off the beam, I am quitting. I am under authority. I don’t want to be [inaudible].

You are absolutely right about a commitment to Christianity being meaningful. Basically what you are doing is in this particular density, you are building a foundation. That is all. You are not building a house. You are building a solid foundation so that the house that you eventually build will not be built on sand. The tools that you are using are faith and will and that comes from commitment. That comes from passionately held belief. I hesitate to use the word belief because I personally believe in almost none of the doctrine and dogma of the Episcopal Church or the church at large.

[Carla is starting her second tapes and discusses that she has taken a nap which helps her have the energy to do all of the work she does for the church, etc.]

You are talking about in the sixties “I risked my life because I believed that love is a stronger force than hate.” It is, of course, a stronger force than hate. However, hate most often carries a gun, which really throws the odds off. It is really a risk to a person of faith because he may have quick decisions to make having to do with his own life. [Inaudible.] “You may not know when your faith will be required. You may not know when instead of consolation, it is time for a test. That is the nature of the game. Chakra energy. Any ideas where I can learn more?”

Yes. Look to the book of the Law of One. All kinds of stuff about we investigated the energy centers or chakras and quite a bit of variety of questioning this. As a matter of fact, if you would like the Channeling Handbook, it is possible that you might like the four volumes of the Law of One, which is probably the best contact that we have been able to have up until now. It was a contact that began in 1981 just three weeks after Jim McCarty joined us in our research. We didn’t know why he came. He didn’t know why he was there, but we had invited him into the community and he came. Then this contact started and it was still strange and literal and enough stuff that I wasn’t even allowed to read. For the first 23 sessions I wasn’t allowed to read them. I knew something was going on because it was the only time that I ever have been in trance. I would go into the trance and come out with a weight loss of about two or three pounds. Somehow I was doing something internal that caused that and I don’t understand it.

At any rate, that contact, the Law of One contact, might be enjoyable by you. The only problem is that the use of the language, which I believe that you would appreciate, is very accurate, very specific. There are a couple of terms that people get really confused over. Distortion, I think, is the one that people get confused over the most. To Ra anything that is other than the One, and the knowledge that we are all one is a distortion of the truth. Ruthlessly pure truth there. We are one. We are everything. Creation is [inaudible].

At any rate, I would suggest shamelessly that you just read the Ra material and see if that would give you an idea of the chakras enough or if you needed to refer to. At least you would have a fairly solid idea from the Ra material as to the various meanings, the various importance of the chakras, how you use your knowledge of them to clear them, etc. And as they come up, the kundalini comes up, which you probably have talked with your teacher.

“Psychic greetings.” In attempting to understand the word “evil” what you have to do isn’t what you have done so far. You can’t identify evil as an absence of light. You can identify darkness as an absence of light. Evil is negativity. It not a term that has the connotations—at least that is my understanding of it. When you look at it quite dispassionately, you don’t see the good/evil. You decide not to call it that because there are too many emotions, which come with the ideas of good and evil. You use the words positive and negative or service-to-self and service-to-others, according to Ra anyway. I think it is a very important distinction. Evil is also approached from another aspect. Separation or an idea that you are separate or that separation is good because you lead or that you want to use others for some reason. It is people who separate you from people, all of those things having to do with the first three energy centers.

People who are manipulators, and schemers and liars and all of those things simply do not get an open heart chakra. If they attempt to do any kind of spiritual work, they will be stuck with the very beginnings of spiritual work and not get anything done until they grow to be able to live the materials they are reading. That is the big problem.

You have to live what you are learning and you have to teach what you are living and accept that, and never accept the absence of light as a word that would equal evil although I would accept separation. Magnetism as opposed to radiance; negative as opposed to positive; service-to-self as opposed to service-to-others. I think you would get a lot out of the Ra material in dealing with these very difficult subjects of evil. It is difficult not because it is difficult in and of itself. I think evil is just a subject like any other that is capable of having very clear things to say about it. For instance when Aaron says, “You must offer only your deepest compassion and love as Jesus said to pray for those who would spitefully use you,” is a simple way to know how to pray, but the idea to remember and the reason that you don’t want to say the word “evil” is because evil is something that one is afraid of.

Negativity is just a little opposition. Where there is one, there is going to be the other. We know that are in a polarized illusion. Light and dark, fat and skinny, young and old, etc. so that whatever is true, the opposite is too, the opposite quality is there.

So what you do with evil is not to fear it, but to note it and when you experience it, to respond to that greeting with all of the love in your heart because you know that there is inside of you every negative, awful, terrible thing that anybody has ever done, you are capable of doing. By the grace of God in this incarnation, it is not your lot to become enmeshed in miserable, petty government officials over some illegal activity and that is very, very lucky because evil men are not necessarily criminals, and criminals are not necessarily evil men. But the two do tend to hold company together.

You just love and my good example of that is about the fact that if you just purely love, you will be protected. I think I was nineteen, and I was a virgin. I was engaged and I am as spacey as I was then, no more no less. I don’t remember people. I still don’t remember people, but people remember me for some reason. A car stopped and he looked about the right age. He said that he knew me from school and asked about the news since I graduated, and I believed him. I thought he knew me and, therefore, I knew him. I had just forgotten him so I got into the car with him. He was going to give me a ride home. Instead he drove directly into a cul-de-sac not far from there, went to the end of the alley against the wall and stopped the car.

Reaching and grasping rather roughly and quickly, he reached up under my skirt and tore my underpants off. As he did this with a very strongly emotional face, red and sort of engorged with lust, it was very close to mine, I just looked at him because I couldn’t believe it. I just flat couldn’t believe it. I thought, What are you doing? He looked at me and he burst into tears; he put his head down on the steering wheel and cried. He kept saying, “You are good. You are really good. You are a good woman. You are a really good person. You are a woman. You are good.” It was like that there had never been a good woman in this man’s life, I would say, like a woman was mad at him.

I tapped him on the shoulder saying, “I’m engaged so I can’t be your girlfriend. Someone will come along for you to cherish and love.” That was a rape. That was supposed to be a rape. I was not in fear. I was certainly puzzled, but I didn’t have any fear. I didn’t know enough to have any fear. I was very trusting. And I guess I always have been very gullible and very open. It doesn’t bother me that my boundaries are weak. I flow into other people because of the empathic quality of me.

You say, you begin to see B’s higher self. You are talking with him and you really helped him. That is really neat.

Yes, when you give love and understanding to another person, that is what you receive in your heart as a natural outgrowth of it. Not because you want it or deserve it, but because that is the way the universe is bound. I am very glad you had that experience.

Now you are talking about reading psychic stuff to friends. You don’t believe you need it. You are not being naïve nor are you being over confident not to feel that you need a book on psychic readings when the only psychic reading that you have ever experienced was the psychic reading on another person whom you were able to help. That is not something that is going to cause you to fear when a psychic reading comes again, but if it strikes directly at you, enlarging upon some defective character—with me, psychic readings tend to be in very physical forms because although my mental insides are pretty pure, my physical insides have lived through two kidney failures, I had juvenile rheumatoid arthritis and juvenile lupus so that there were a lot of distortions in my body, the pain of which could be exaggerated so I was greeted on just simply a physical level among other ways.

Many, many ways I was greeted, and unless you get greeted in these ways, then you have no need for psychic self-defense because your defense is your purity. You just simply, from what you say, do not have the kind of ego that is going to land you in negativity trouble because you will always be carefully honest in your channeling, humble and knowing that you are not worthy, but taking it very seriously and doing your very best.

As far as I know, this is being neither naïve nor over-confident. You will, however, if you continue to channel as well as the bits that I have read here of Aaron, be subject at some time or another to a psychic greeting. All you have to remember is do not be afraid of this greeting. Recognize the instant and unusual exaggeration of a negative feeling, or thought and whose greeting it is and send love and praise to the one who is sending you the greeting. You return its greeting with love, real love, and think of the working itself and give it yourself. Then forgive everybody, yourself, the other guy, wash all over in oneness and peace, and you probably won’t have any more trouble than that with the psychic greeting.

Definitely don’t look for trouble where you ain’t got it. That is the main thing.

[inaudible]

Right. When you help somebody, you are often going in and out of channeling mode without knowing when you are channeling and when you are just giving an opinion. I am not worried about it any more. I just let fly. Letters tend to be pretty long if the letter to me was long, because our response is there and then I talk a little bit about myself also, and I am very sorry for this. A significant rudeness on my part is making you listen in real time when if you want to write back, I beg you to write me back on paper rather than tape so that I can read quicker instead of listening in real time. I can read much faster than that.

Once I have marked the stuff in green when it first comes in the mail, when I go to answer it I don’t even have to re-read most of the letter, which I will remember by reading the green part.

You can serve another person simply by being unafraid for him; simply by walking in there and offering words of peace, and love and light, and being part of the good in his life. That is service—service for his growth for both of you.

You’ve seen the light. I have too. Actually the way I have seen it, it was not golden, but it had so much brightness to it that it is almost dark, spiritual light. I guess it is the light that is beyond just being light. It does seem to be moving.

You got an entity named Tamara. That is very interesting. You see, when she began to talk to you, and it was love and peace, you pulled away. The only reason for that, you were wiser than you knew. Both sides can talk about love and light. Both sides honestly believe that they are the light. The negative side believes that it is serving itself when it serves the God within. One also serves other selves by instilling in them the desire to excel so that the thing in turn may manipulate more and more people; control more and more things; and become more and more important. The elite, and they really honestly believe that is the way to go—the path of separateness.

I think maybe the KKK and Nazis and things like that probably demonstrate that line of thinking as well as anything else. They not only are a negative, but they are being negative in a righteous way. They feel that their last hope is the white race or whatever. You see that is a very separate kind of idea. I really wish that everybody would mate with everybody in reality to become kind of a cinnamon color and nobody could be prejudiced any more. Maybe that is one of my weird prejudices against prejudice because my father, who was a jazz musician when he wasn’t being an engineer, I was dangled on more Black knees than White, I think. I knew Black guys and an occasional woman who played jazz or sang.

In all of my life, the only prejudice I ever picked up from them or my father was a prejudice against somebody who couldn’t play his instrument. If he didn’t have the chops, he wasn’t considered to be a member of the group. That prejudice sticks with me as I go through life. I like people who are doing what they are doing with passion and trying to do the very best they can. When I see someone just loping along, grabbing the gusto, not thinking very clearly and sort of wandering the aisles of the spiritual supermarket, but not getting beyond a certain point because not willing to commit. I have a prejudice against that. Because of the fact that a person like that will never ask anything of me, I do not have to express it. But I do try to teach people the extreme importance of moving in single-minded passion in what you are doing, to just really love what you do, do what you love and have a blissful life. It is very possible.

I am looking at your conversation with Aaron about Tamara. Aaron is exactly right. It would be your choice, but you see you need to be able to challenge the spirit. You need to be able to discern that spirit and to challenge it with a challenge, which it must either meet or not, and that has to be the challenge of what you believe so very strongly, and passionately and what you would die for. In my case, that is Jesus the Christ so I always challenge in the name of Jesus the Christ. The next time Tamara comes, if you want to, and you want to check her out, challenge it. Challenge her with everything that is in you. Summon yourself together in coherence like a laser, as you are a light being, a coherent type being. That is your actual reality. The rest is just energy fields, an illusion. But the message is always the same.

It can be given to people in “see Spot run” fashion. It can be given to people poetically; it can be given as very Biblically poetic prose; it can be given to people in simple no-nonsense language. I wouldn’t even know how to describe Ra’s language. It is unlike anything I ever saw before. He plucked the English language clean of words that would mean whatever he wanted them to mean. For instance, a person was a mind/body/spirit complex. Believe me, before I was able to read the sessions, I would get very confused because Jim and Don would come in and ask me if my mind/body/spirit complex had a distortion towards hunger/weakness. I’d say, “What? What are you all talking about?” Finally after about 23 sessions I got to read it. They asked finally. I finally got them to ask Ra and Ra said, “It is not going to bother her.”

That was a hard contact and I lost down to 84 pounds from 100 pounds, which was pretty skinny for me. But I would do it again, and I would do it again, and I would do it again. It was wonderful. Don was the happiest he had ever been and he was a mournful Pisces, one of those melancholy people who helped others tremendously, but themselves are melancholy.

You simply need to decide if you want to get a different slant, a different perspective on the same kind of information. Always you will be receiving the same information. It is important to realize that so that you do not fall into the misunderstandings of Gnosticism; in other words that you could earn your way to heaven. You can’t do it. You absolutely can’t do it.

[Inaudible.] That is true by the way. The breath is very important and as a singer, I can assuredly tell you that there is a praying that is done when one is singing sacred music that you could never get without the vibration of your voice out loud. You just need more oxygen. You need less worry, lower blood pressure, so when you breathe in and breathe out, using your full capacity, you are getting a bunch of fresh air in. You are breathing more what you should be breathing all of the time, but people seldom breathe that way because they are used to breathing very shallowly.

People in the Orient are trained or train themselves to breathe from the belly up and really take long deep breathes in a very ritualized fashion in the Yoga way. It is the science of the breath. I always think that if you really want to be refreshed, just hyperventilate about 100 deep breathes, as deep as you can and as quick as you can and hold your breath. You can hold your breath for quite a long time at that point. That is the stillest I have ever been able to get in my life.

The reason that your energy consumption is leaching blue from the crystal is that you are using the throat chakra, which is the blue chakra. Luckily, blue crystals are very common. I think also at first use a diamond, the warm valuable crystals or even water as a medium in which to put your love energy for help, but I think that working with a crystal, I’d stay with the crystal.

You feel that to channel somebody besides Aaron is to take away from the time that you have to work with him. I know what you mean. Never take yourself too seriously. You are not doing earth-shaking work. You are doing what everybody on the path of service-to-others is doing and that is trying to figure out how to be of service. As you work with Aaron, realize that the work you are doing is not an end of a means. As you channel, you receive information that will give you tools and rich sources necessary to accelerate your spiritual growth and get you through the fact that spiritual growth is painful because you are dumping those programs that don’t work when you change. You are putting new ones in and that generates an awful lot of emotion and dumping old programs is very painful to the mind.

It is hard to be completely and utterly and let the contents go. That is what we ask of ourselves, as channels. We ask to live an increasing service-to-others life and that means that our personal self will be decreasing to fall away from us as we do not any longer need to have this other identification and that identification, and this quality and that quality understood. It becomes less important to be understood and more important to understand; less important to be loved and more important to be Love.

When you feel safe channeling Aaron by yourself and since you aren’t doing anything out loud, you very well may be safe if you are doing it on your typewriter, or computer or word processor. I think that there is more protection in that for you since you are only sharing it with yourself than there is in channeling it for the world without having enough of the Universe present to get a really universal perspective.

By that, I mean that when you just have one other person present, you have got your universe vs. his or her universe and you still may be getting a lot of information personal to you and not universally helpful to all. The third person in a meditation group is the crucial one. The ones just actually help, but a bigger group gives you more energy if everybody is united together. But three gives you universality when you go forth. The questions that you will be getting are general universal principles that are universal and I find that to be very important.

If you want to work with Tamara at some time, I wouldn’t suggest that you try it by yourself unless you want to do it on your computer as you have done the other one. If you want to channel [inaudible] as the preacher did who was channeling him, then you have to realize that you are entering into a level of ministry and that your life must be as you work, and you work as your life, and an experienced channel is very varied when you are first starting out in discerning spirits because the other entity can also sense negative or positive spirits and channel to them. Basically you are challenging the entity that you are in contact with, but the experienced channel is sort of what I call walking the watch tower. Walking around the perimeter with the meeting and making sure that the protection of the archangels is in place, which I do in my channeling classes.

I would be glad to work with you through the mail, but I cannot invite you here to learn to channel as I would like to for the simple reason that we have found from many years of teaching channeling that when we have a seminar and people come from far away, and learn to channel and learn what I have to teach about channeling, they are excited and think how wonderful. They think I am a wonderful teacher and everything is great. But when they go home, they don’t have the support of the group or an experienced channel to depend on from week-to-week. Not one person I have taught to channel is still channeling.

I am determined to give this letter the energy and attention that it deserves. It is a thoughtful letter from a colleague and I am humbly grateful that you have written me.

Really it is a question of, if you want to channel publicly or if you want to do channeling that you are going to publish, you really ought to be cultivating students, and I believe you are so that you have a support group in place. Some gifts have been given you. You have been given, for instance, the gift of opening a channel and being able to do that. Of course, you doubt yourself or you are getting into an ego trip or something like that, but you are not, you see. It is just what is happening. You ally yourself with the positive or the negative. This is a choice. The density that we are living in has only one purpose and that is for our imperishable light souls to make the choice of service-to-self and service-to-God or service-to-others and, therefore, service-to-God. Both are service-to-God because one who serves the self serves the God-self within self.

The negative path according to Ra is not a viable one in the last couple of stages of evolution before we, as he put it, gain enough spiritual gravity to be drawn back into the One. The reason is simply that if you are intending to publish this information and make it available to others, then if you have done that, you have moved out of the closet and are no longer just a little light being doing your own little thing. You are in-service and producing fruit, and the more you do that, the closer that you stand to the light; the closer that you stand to the light, the more likely you are to have a psychic greeting.

There again, an experienced channel is handy to have around to say, “You mean that fellow slapped you for no reason at all? Didn’t you know that was a psychic greeting?” They use the weak-minded. Things like that really happen.

I had a gal write me recently, a wonderful girl. I have yet to meet her, but I am looking forward to it when I do meet her, who was being greeted with spiders, lots and lots of spiders. I must have 500 hours of research in that I could spit out to various students who would be interested in various things.

[Carla loses her train of thought because she had to drink some water.]

If you are not with light and you are with darkness, then you can’t be indifferent. This is a polarized creation and what you are trying to do is to get yourself to more and more polarity. I remember. I was telling you about R and her experience.

You have to understand that it is faith that makes things happen and not the Creator, but one’s own personal committed faith. She wrote me and she had all of these spiders. I knew them to be a form of vampire. There is a thought form type entity, which I call a vampire because others call them vampires. It doesn’t matter what image they take. They can take terrifying images of some kind, something that is usually pretty terrifying. She was getting a lot of little ones, but she had to hit, and hit and hit before she could go to sleep because they were crawling all over her. Then she started seeing this huge thing come down from the ceiling one night with about four foot across belly where the legs started.

She decided that she had better write somebody and fell into finding the book of the Law of One, and read it and wrote me very excitedly, talking about the psychic creation, etc. What I told her to do was, “I want you to realize that vampiric form is part of yourself that you have within you that darkness, that selfishness and that negativity. You may not choose to express it, but you do not need to fear it. It is simply part of a vast storehouse of creation that you are.

Embrace it. Take it into yourself. Walk towards it, and hold your arms out to it, and tell it how much you love it and how much you accept it, and she did that. The last time she saw the spider, it was loping along behind her like a dog, wagging its tail, hoping to be petted. She didn’t see it any more at all.

I don’t know why she was getting so much attention from the loyal opposition, but she was. Her house caught on fire and was burned up completely and the only two things that she was able to save out of the complete disaster was the Ra material and the two or three tapes that had I sent her to that point, which were in a bureau that was completely consumed by fire, but those things themselves were not even singed. I don’t understand that. Reality is an illusion. The Creator can give his little subject to be changed whatever He wants to.

You wanted to ask about Armageddon.

I think that Aaron is telling the truth in that there is no war in the sense of a war that can be won. It always is a stalemate. Also there is a war of the spirit. It is a war being waged by those who are in the fourth dimension, the one above ours, which is Love and compassion. Love and compassion are often foolish and still believe that any means to an end is okay. There is a kind of a spirit war that has been going on. There is no war for you and in the sense that all time is one, all creatures who are involved in this Armageddon at this particular illusion in space and time, are at one and the same time, simultaneously not distorted in that way. Not warlike, not bellicose, but pure and lovely.

The war, however, is there, whether or not you accept the fact. The tendencies that we have within this density simply do not all fall away until we have started to get heavily into lessons of wisdom guiding compassion, but before we learn any wisdom, we have to learn naked and absolute compassion, total non-judgment. Then we begin to rely on that understanding so that within that non-judgment and compassion, we may have some wisdom in knowing how to help a person.

The way to help people usually is a little bit different than you do it yourself if you weren’t channeling. There are things that you don’t see that different parts of you do see and it is much better to use that part of yourself when you work others. You don’t need to concentrate on this battle. You do not need to be a challenger in this battle. If you are greeted as an off-shoot of this battle, then you simply have to roll towards the realty of the fact that you are a light being. You are standing close to the light. You are, therefore, attracting some attention from the loyal opposition who would like to take that light and use it for his or her own power.

If you simply love that entity, and thank that entity and dismiss it with your blessing, it can do nothing. It cannot take anything from you. You have to hold to your position in total faith, just as you say. Your choice of a person to battle is yours personally, but understand that there is a battle between the forces of good and the forces of darkness in the spirit world because of those entities who have love and compassion to believe in their side first and the rightness of their cause, but not the wisdom to know how to serve those who do not agree with them. It is a long road to learn it.

[Inaudible question.]

You are getting good information from this guide. When it says there must always be total honesty, when you are attempting consciously to accelerate the rate of learning and the rate of evolution in this density, you really must be honest. That means to the max honesty with yourself. If you are lackadaisical, or lazy or without passion to do anything for a while, or that you feel blue, or that you feel beleaguered, or you feel unhappy or whatever it is that you feel, gaze at it. Is it the work of somebody else and not yourself? Make sure that you are very, very honest with yourself. You are not rationalizing any kind of behavior and you are really for the desire for the good. You will find yourself constantly tripping yourself up by pleasing people instead of serving them. You will discover that you please them, but you gave them absolutely no information that they needed to know, for instance.

That may please them a lot more than the truth, so it sometimes is very easy to reassure people, etc. and say whatever comes to mind to reassure them, when in actuality to serve them, you would be needing to say something that might even be confronted or at least deserve it. When you are doing something like that, you must ask yourself, Are my motives completely compassionate? Am I saying exactly the thing that I honestly mean to say in helping this person? Is it truly constructive? The teaching, the criticism? Or are you just wanting to please someone? Are you just wanting somebody to give you some strokes back?

You have to watch that one. You cannot work on anybody else ever, even a healer who seems to do some miraculous healing is merely a catalyst, which is able to offer to the higher self, the entity who is ill, a new choice for that entity to make between illness and health. It is on your own crystallized beingness. That is all. The very idea of that will weaken our position and makes us vulnerable.

We are having difficulty here with a word. It is a linguistic problem. To do battle means that you have a state of battle. One is a noun and one is a verb. If you do battle actively, fight for the right and all that Christian other stuff, then you have truly weakened your position. If you are aware that there is a state of battle betwixt the forces of service-to-self and service-to-other entities, you may then radiate that choice in service-to-others—always being transparent to your catalyst, letting it flow through you while your attention is on what you might be able to do to help somebody else. Those chances will come to you so it isn’t the idea of passive battle that weakens your position. That is merely acknowledging the way things are at one level within our optimum of creation, but we are warriors. Gandhi was a warrior of peace and he was willing to give his life for it and did.

Each of us who wishes to do planetary work at this time needs to be able to give up her life if necessary.

It doesn’t mean that we are doing battle. It simply means that we may be murdered because if we do not battle and simply have faith, we may well lose the body because actually the body means nothing except that it has given its entire life to your consciousness. It is an animal; it is a big almost hairless animal. A strange big funny colored animal that carries us around. We interpret it as ourselves, but actually it is this animal that carries us around. We need to understand that animal and be good to it, but not identify with it.

So you can maintain polarity consistently by vibrating in service-to-others, and when you feel that you are being touched by service-to-self type entities, you simply send them service-to-others love that you always do and if people want to consider that doing battle, fine, but I simply consider that praying. I think that always love is stronger and always that you manage to get out if you have faith. That seems to be the one great loss that is crucial. I have seen it happen. I have seen how crucial it is. It may help you to know that according to Ra there are no mistakes.

This last question that you asked, you say, “at this point I am planning to go ahead and commit myself to whatever shrinking my loyal hesitates are, i.e. (I look at shriking on the page before and my librarian fussy copy reader self just got in there.) Moving right along, “I am really not sure how to do this other than attitude. If you commit yourself enough money to get by on, will find its way.”

That actually is not true unless you charge. In all of the years that I have been channeling and that we have been publishing, we have always gotten by on donations, never charging for anything, not for seminars in our home, not for anything because we feel that we came by this information freely and it was ours to pass on as we got it. We have always been able to reprint the things that we have printed. A lot of times we have $2.00 in the bank though and we have never used one penny of it for ourselves.

It is untrue that you get more money if you don’t charge than if you do. If you do charge, you will receive a more generous amount from people then when they say donation only. Look at a book that would cost them $10.00 or something in a book store and they are looking at it as if we were trying to flog it on them like the Watch Tower from the Jehovah Witness, go door-to-door and try to sell them for a dime. And they clearly have that response to them so it is better just to start a group by putting a note up in the bulletin board of your local health foods store or Yoga Center, any place that is doing New Age stuff in your area. Just say, “Having study group meditations starting at this hour at this day at this place and continuing…” by-weekly, or weekly or monthly or whatever you are willing to commit to in the sense of channeling. You don’t’ have to worry about the money right off hand and just do it as a charity, if you are happy getting by on your sculpting and working part-time. If you decide you want to move into this area full-time, and I am here to tell you that you have a good deal of ability, what you would do is start charging a modest fee and increase the price as you gain in experience.

People will enjoy talking to Aaron. Aaron seems to be able to offer fairly specific information without detuning the channel and so I have some suspicion that this entity has been on planet earth at one time. Otherwise he would not have the right to speak about anything that would influence others and perhaps bother the free will.

I didn’t read the Thresholds article for the simple reason of wanting to get this done today. I am already ten minutes past the time when I am supposed to quit for the day so I will read it for fun in my own good time. There is no sense in looking through it and saying anything about it now because I would just be skimming it and that is useless.

You really gave a tremendous amount of energy to me and I thank you for your thanks, but I also thank you for being who you are and for doing the work that you are doing. It is good to speak with a colleague. It is good to speak with someone who, without really intending to, somehow is pure. It is a gift, I think, of the spirit really. I have an enjoyment of virtue that is very strong. I am not a goody-goody or anything like that. I am compulsive. I can’t take a quarter off the ground if it isn’t mine. I can’t steal a pencil out of the park if it isn’t mine. I can’t tell a lie unless it is absolutely necessary like when that you love says, “How do you like this dress?” and it is awful. That kind of lie I can do.

I am fairly pure and I sense that you share that with me. I also sense that perhaps one of the big reasons for it is that you have not been worldly in ambition, but merely trying to cope, as you put it, in a personal way. That you are just trying to be the best person you can, which is a lot different. I would hope that any questions that I answered in a confused manner, or any further questions that you might have, will find their way to me because I very much enjoyed this day of sharing what you thought and returning my thoughts to you.

I think that perhaps the mot powerful way we serve each other who are light workers is that we write to each other about what is happening in each of our lives, thereby sharing the spiritual path in many, many varieties of ways, which will happen to a variety of people, and which when you hear about them from a variety of people, begin to make more and more universal the sense that you have of the spiritual realm or basicness and its inwardness.

I hope that you will continue to write me from time-to-time because I truly believe in friends along the road and as an indication of that, I am going to tell you a little bit about myself until I am done or until the machine goes off.

I am 46 yesterday. I am little, but not at all petite. I am all arms and legs and thin. I have long brown hair, the consistency of a baby and about that plentiful. I never grew up. The hair on my body is just barely there. I was a good student because I loved it, but I had no worldly ambition at all so eventually found myself deciding to take a career that I was suited for, but had no attachment to it at all. It was a librarianship and I managed to land a job with a thirteen grade girls’ school. It was a private school and a boarding school. I had been to a boarding school and felt very comfortable there. The girls’ thing was that they had never had a librarian until that year before and the librarian the year before had somehow not liked children—very strange. I mean to take a job as a children’s librarian, but I find that true of a lot of librarians is that basically they are retreating from people. Life is more comfortable when you can put it on a 3 x 5 card and say, “Okay, now that is catalogued. I know exactly what that is.”

She had a nervous breakdown about March in the school year and basically didn’t work at all after that. There were study halls in the library all periods but one. I did not find this in the least bit hard. I enjoyed the kids coming up saying this or that and I enjoyed helping them. I enjoyed everything. I enjoyed working with the faculty because I had time because when there was no one in the library that I needed to help, those were times that I would make appointments with teachers. I’d find the time when they could talk to me and I’d find out what they were doing that month and what they might need from the library, and I’d show them any reviews from one of the library association review books within their subject that had been highly recommended. If they wanted it and if we had the money, we’d get it.

I’d be asked to go through and get the information on butterflies and that would involve the vertical file and the old back issues of Life and stuff like that, which there were many, many of. It was a very rich library and they had been collecting things, not sorting them, but collecting them for 150 years. I catalogued 5,000 items that year, the first year that I was there. I really enjoyed running my own shop.

I really enjoyed the kids and I was taken away from it because Don asked me to work with him and there wasn’t any question in my mind when he asked me. It was just, “Okay, can you afford me?” I asked for $300 a month because I knew that was what I had to have to get my bills paid and I was thinking this was a terrible large amount of money, but luckily, he was an airlines pilot, having changed from a professor. He changed his career at age 35 to airlines pilot because the hours and pay were better and he needed money to refund his research. Basically the reason he took the job was so that he could hire someone like me and he said he was really glad to find me. So we began a very fruitful time of being together. It was less than sixteen years and it is one of the great blessings of my life.

Don died in 1984. I believe it was a psychic greeting and I believe the reason that he succumbed being the weaker self than me is that although I am extremely weak in the flesh, I have the gift of faith and there isn’t any question for me about that faith I have. I will abide in it.

Don was a scientist and instead of moving on a path of faith, basically he was an observer. He thought of himself as an observer and a philosopher and he was putting the pieces of the puzzle together. He was really detached, very detached. He was a great man. He had a wonderful vision, but he lacked faith because he would not come to a commitment on worship. He would not choose a personal myth to believe in to strengthen his faith. We all need one if we don’t find what we want outside in some sort of religion, then we simply need to make our own myth, and that is possible to do and very useful if we don’t have spiritual weight on their side yet; if we don’t have some helpers. We need to find tools and resources to work a spiritual path, not just to know that spiritual path.

I worked with Don until I was disabled and then I worked with him as much as I could being disabled. It slowed way down because I couldn’t type any more. My hands were shot. That is when Jim came along because he could type and he could this and that, which I couldn’t do any more. I became more purely a channel and less of a human being that was in contact with an outside life. I became more contemplative and less involved in the pots and pans of daily living. I have had a lot of trouble with this concept because my concept of work ethic was so ingrained in me as a child that you produce work and somehow these books that I produced don’t seem to be as close to that work ethic in a self-destructive part of my mind as getting a meal together, doing the laundry, or some ironing, doing some chore. And doing my part, which I haven’t been able to do for years.

This is an absolutely foolish thought and one which I suffer from when I think it. By all means, don’t think like me. Skip that part and stay sane because I do have this feeling of great unworthiness at this time because of the fact that somebody has to wash and dress me, feed me. I can feed myself, but somebody else has to do the cooking, etc. and all of my expertise is theoretical. I tell people that I am largely a theoretical person.

I have got a blackie and extremely Catholic sense of humor, catholic in the sense of universal. I like gross-outs, dry English humor, broad body jokes, anything and everything to laugh at. I love to laugh. I think laughter is very important. I think we need to be merry. Those of us who are on the spiritual path, we just drown ourselves in our seriousness.

I live in Kentucky, which is an absolutely beautiful place to live and I am living on the outskirts of Louisville in a little town that is sort of Monaco little towns. It is a real high rent district. Our house isn’t like that. Our house is undoubtedly the cheapest house here. It was a real fixer-upper that hadn’t been fixed or uppered for a good thirty years and Jim did wonders just with paint. I was surprised at the cosmetic difference and he did some work around the foundation of the house where it needed it. After Don died, we stayed on here. Eventually Jim really transformed the place, not inside, but outside. The garden, the front and back yards are now gardens, park-like places and we have almost an acre.

An artist from New York happened to be visiting people here on Christmas break and he went out and took a look at the garden. It wasn’t even blooming yet. It was in the winter and everything was down for the winter. But you could see where the planting flourished. And he said, “Jim, I think you need a larger canvas.” But he has a larger canvas now. He spent the homestead money that he had when he came to L/L because he had been homesteading for six and half years and a house he had built himself, and he had something like 132 acres. With inflation and everything, that translated into 90 acres and we feel very lucky to have found it and we call the place Avalon and I don’t go down there yet because Jim really doesn’t know what to do with me. I am not rough and tumble enough of a person. I need to sit some place soft and rest my head and so Jim is going down there and having some alone time down there, which is very handy for him, while I have an equal amount of alone time up here, which is very handy for me.

When the house is completely empty of human beings and stuff except for myself, I find that it is much easier for me to sustain a project over a longer period of time and get it done because I am not being interrupted by, “Do you know where such and such is?” or whatever.

People can get along very well together. Jim and I certainly did, but there is something glorious about being by yourself. We are having fun with that and I think maybe sometime we will go down together for a nice retreat weekend and other times Jim will go down by himself. We have another girl coming into community with us, a real pretty blond with a magnificent figure named K. Oddly enough in spite of all the differences between us, people take us as sisters a lot, and I think it is because of the way we are. Our personalities, etc. We both are foolish, and funny, and kind of clowning, and at the same time, soft-spoken and I guess modest would be the word—not one to blow one’s own horn too much. And very, very concerned about other people. We are both definitely Jewish mamas.

My daily schedule is that when Jim and I wake up, we hug. He sleeps separately from me. He likes to sleep alone. If he is apart from me, he will get up about 6:30 or 7 and come upstairs and we will hug for a while. That is really important. I really enjoy and appreciate it and after that we get up and we do our morning offering, which is to read the Bible, the Ra material and one other source. Right now we are reading “The Christ Within,” which is a work on Christian mysticism. After we do that, Jim sets off on his daily rounds, which involves at the desk working with the business, filling orders, sending out books, answering letters. He is the absolute paragon of economy of words. If you by any chance find yourself overwhelmed by the number of correspondence, start with Jim. His economy of expression loses no bloom of beauty in which he has to say. It is just simply that he captures it so simply and [inaudible].

[Tape ends.]