A question about relationships this afternoon. We have noticed that people in relationships that seem to have the best time, to stay together the longest, and who enjoy each other the most are people who don’t let the little oddities of their partner’s behavior bother them all that much. Some people can actually get so upset over these little things that they divorce, and I guess that a lot of divorces come from the cumulative experience of a lot of little things that one can’t stand about the other. We are wondering what kind of transformation has to take place within the self for a person to move from where the little oddities in their partner’s behavior no longer bother one, and in fact become a lovable part of the other person’s image, and how does one move from the rejection of another to the acceptance of another and how does this happen within the self?

(Carla channeling)

We are those of Q’uo. Greetings in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. It is a blessing and a privilege to greet you on this day of transition from your cold to your warmer season. We thank each for calling us to your circle of seeking, and we share our humble thoughts with you most thankfully, asking only that you listen to our thoughts keeping that which seems of worth and truth to you and disregarding the remainder, for while we wish to be of service, we do not wish to become a stumbling block for any. Therefore, we ask that you invoke your own discrimination, for you will recognize that truth which is for you.

A query concerning relationships is always most welcome to us for the essence of third-density learn/teaching and teach/learning is that there are other selves, to which one must relate in choosing the manner of that relationship with others. The choice of polarity becomes first recognized and then made. The third-density physical vehicle was designed to function only in what you may call the family. By oneself one cannot reproduce and create new life. Without other selves working in cooperation, your own self will be unable to create a meeting of all needs. The essence of what you may call human is an absolute need for relationships with other selves.

Now, we have often pointed out that the other self in its interaction with you acts as a kind of a reflective surface or a mirror, reflecting back to you your own image, for that to which you are drawn or from which you are repelled in others is a somewhat distorted image of that within the self which has not come to the light of self-perception.

Thusly, when one sees that which is good in another, one does well to contemplate this positive reaction to discover that which one may by reflection of the nature of the self and the self-perceived virtues. Similarly, when one is disturbed by another, one does well to reflect upon this event to discover what it is within the hidden self that the self perceives as wanting, unworthy or in error. Yet these descriptions would almost create the image of the self as actually separate, a “Monet” if you will. Within a universe created completely of mirrors this is not the case, although the work one does is upon oneself, if it be excellent work. Yet still in the process of working upon the self, other selves offer the opportunity for service, the service which you offer to another and the service which you offer to another by being needy and needing that from another which will help you. It is as important to be able to receive love and kindnesses it is to offer love and charity.

So the other self is the self yet not the self. The reactions to the other self are the business of the self. That which is proactive, not responsive but creative with regard to another self is often that service which you may best offer that particular other self. We speak always about love. Our message continues to be simple, to the point of confounding the wise. We ask you to open to the love of the infinite Creator; we ask you to become aware of the presence of this love as the center of the life; we ask you that you work towards creating within the self a channel for that infinite love so that this highest truth may be attested to by the solid witness of your being.

Now, could you accomplish this, you would be dwelling within the fourth density at this time. It is expected and appreciated that the nature of learning is the attempt and often the failure to manifest the infinite love of the infinite Creator. This is not the sort of test wherein one must study, memorize and accomplish a right answer. Living as a witness to an infinite Love is the kind of test that occurs when one is being observed but not stimulated by a teacher. The teacher rather watches as the spontaneous and natural rhythms of life are created and expressed moment by moment throughout the incarnation.

The watcher of your life is your own self in its higher manifestation, and at the end of this test, upon the dissolution of the bond between physical and spiritual self, this higher self shall dwell with you, gazing through the record of the days and years of this incarnation. There will be the center of the balance of this particular incarnation perceived. Its perception will be accurate and precise. As the spiritual self walks what has been called the steps of light, those who stop at a certain level shall be within third density again, those who stop and feel comfortable at a somewhat fuller light shall be those who take up higher density lessons for the next incarnation.

Therefore, one cannot maintain a mentality of a spiritual homework beyond a certain point, for the homework is for a test that will not be held within your lifetime. You see, the self seldom has any very accurate notion of its own essential issues, needs and excellences. Rather, the self tends to perceive the self in a fairly distorted pattern because the self is so hidden from the conscious mind, and because the self within the flesh cannot truly see the self within, there is that veil drawn.

So, to begin to be able to make the transformation about which your query spoke one must first begin to allow the judgment of the self concerning the self to fade away and become unimportant, for there is no possibility of accurate judgment of the self by the self. It is well to examine the life as much as is possible but only in that [it] enables one to see into the uppermost layers of selfhood. Certainly this is valuable, however, it does not make you a judge. When one is able to lay self-judgment aside and instead to take up the solitude and the dust of the spiritual path taken on faith then is one beginning to be able to dwell and abide with others in a creative and living way.

Each self carries a great and terrible burden, that is, the self-perceived difficulties and errors and mischief which the self has seen the self think, speak and do. No other entity who dwells with you will ever be able to share this burden with you, for even if you were able to talk, confessing every sin you could think of, every error you could remember, yet still would the self feel that such was not truly enough to wash clean human frailty. This is an accurate perception. You did not come into this incarnation to get everything right but to be a witness to love and light. You are not going to become right or better or finished but will remain one who seems to sow seeds in the wind.

The phrase, “casting one’s bread upon the waters” comes from your holy work, the Bible, and that is what each self is intended to do, to cast the love and light and being a witness unto the ever moving, ever disappearing waters of life. Indeed, one may rejoice and offer thanks when one is simply giving away love and light, for within this image in your Bible it is pointed out that if one achieves a true release of gifts, a lack of holding them in memory, then does the Law of Plenty move into action and the self becomes conscious of receiving one hundred and one thousand times the blessing back upon those moving waters of life.

So, to become able to make the transformation from tolerating another to celebrating another—to use this instrument’s phrase—the first step is to become detached from self-judgment and unattached to one’s thoughts, words and deeds. In that you do them, think them as well as you can and then forget them and move onward to the next creative moment. Each entity vibrates within a certain range, this basic vibration is as a—we correct this instrument—each entity is an unique vibratory signature. It vibrates as it is, completely whole and completely clear no matter what muddle you may feel you are in. That basic vibration is completely identifiable as you and only you. This vibration, this basic signature is that which you are attempting to affect by the way you live your life and the lessons—we correct this instrument—the way you live your life and the way you concern yourself and deal with the lessons of love you encounter along the King’s Highway, as this instrument would put it.

By choosing again and again to serve others, by choosing to seek the Creator in the self, in others, in creation, and in the center of the being, you attempt to affect the narrowing of the gap between your vibratory signature and the basic pure vibration which created all things, that infinite Creator’s Thought or Logos of Love.

So you have a relative vibration, that is, relative to the Creator. A great many incarnations are consumed in the slow and inevitable progression and narrowing of that gap betwixt the self and the All Self. This vibration may be seen to be that which is of love and of fear, these are the two basic dynamics within the vibratory levels. To be simplistic we would say that there is always some ratio of fear to love, however the greater the love, the greater the life, the greater the fear, the greater the death, for that which is alive, creative and moving is of love, and that which is judging and defending and inwardly focusing beyond a certain point is of death.

When one attempts to learn tolerance of another one is attempting to be able to accept another in complete love and lack of judgment. To the extent that this is accomplished there is a great benefit to the self, to the other self, and to the Creator. When one finds that one must engage in judging, in defending against and so forth, then one is dealing with emotions which may be identified with the death, or the forces of death.

We speak now of death not in the sense of your living things which bloom and die, but rather we are speaking of that which is of the Creator and that which is separate from the Creator. That is, all things are of the Creator but within your illusion and, indeed, in many illusions beyond your own the—we correct this instrument—there is an apparent choice between energies which move to a fuller life and energies which separate one from life.

There is a great and intensive battle within for your attention from both your deeper self and from the energies which surround you. Constantly you move within a spiritual atmosphere which is flowing and continuous, which never stops in its movements, and which is greatly affected by desire and intention. It is within this intuitively perceived sea of being that you swim, shall we say, or sail, either towards the unity of love which is the Creator or towards that archipelago of perceived self and other selves which is the seascape of the service-to-self entity who perceives the self apart from all by choice, and controlling all for the best good.

The battle is fought for the heart of the self and sometimes a seeker may begin to think that he has more than one self within him, so full of contradictions does the wandering vagaries of selfhood seem. Thusly, to move from tolerance to celebration of others, the first challenge is to begin to perceive the self within this larger view which does not judge but rather uses energy in a positive and creative manner, in self-acceptance, self-forgiveness and self-[em]powerment. To keep faith, continue in hope and do all such good works as open before the eyes.

When this has been perceived as a goal towards which to move, then it is that the self becomes able to extend this charity to other selves. We would offer the model of the way things are that the one known as Jesus offered when this entity described the situation where the sower sows a crop which another shall harvest. When this crop of love and positive desire is sown with a glad and merry heart it then becomes more and more possible to begin to see through the veil, to perceive for the first time the extent to which others sow for you to reap. How rich each is in the harvest given by others to the self, and how much richer shall the self be as it learns more and more to sow those seeds of love and virtue with a careless and generous hand, not waiting for the self to applaud but moving on, practicing the presence of love.

Lift the eyes from the page of life and you shall see far more between the lines.

At this time, we would ask if there are continuing queries upon this interesting subject?

Not from me Q’uo, but I really enjoyed what you had to say, thank you very much.

We thank you, my brother. This has been a very good group.

No question from me Q’uo, I just enjoyed… [inaudible].

We humbly thank you, my brother.

How we love you! How beautiful you are to us! We see you wanting so much to cherish each other. Cherish yourselves, and then turn the eyes towards the infinite One, and your instinct shall more and more be that which does celebrate others, that which does have charity and wisdom towards others. These are natural ways. You are simply relearning them. Never doubt that behind the veil of suffering and limitation lies a land where love is visible. But hold fast to that faith and let it be the rock upon which you stand, with arms open to receive love… and hearts open to give it. May you truly celebrate and enable each other as you walk along the King’s Highway.

We thank each again for the joy of your company and the beauty of your shining hope. We leave you in the love and in the light of the one infinite Creator. Adonai. Adonai.